Yay! New page! Well this is a random story page.. most (if not all) of them are written by Andrew!! Enjoy---
Many many years ago in the far off land of Ancient Florida there was a young woman named Lisa. The young lady had not much to live on so she had to make her living in a more obscene way then most girls her age. She sold her fruits. One day she was going about her bussiness selling her fruits when she noticed something wrong about an apple in her basket. It had turned into a rock. This often happend because she was ugly. Annoyed by the rock she threw it and it struck an elderly man. "Stupid dog!" the wrinkled man yelled as she tried to apologize. The old man gave her an obscene gesture using his thumb and various soft parts of his body. She then turned away, embarrassed but flattered by the 'offering'. She noticed that the old man had dropped a notepad and she picked it up. She looked around to find the man but he was no where to be seen. So she made off with the notepad. Later on that night she was tossing her fruits (no one bought them) into the sea. She then took out the notepad and began to draw various fruits that she could only dream of selling. Most of which were imaginary. She noticed in one of her drawings that one fruit stood out over all the rest. It's beauty was radiant. The paper then began turning into a rock because she liked it too much. She decided she'd eat the paper before it had completely transformed because she was kind of retarded, As soon as she swallowed it she exploded. This came with no reason. And then there was papaya! Oh the great papaya once drawn by an ugly young woman is now celebrated by 'The opening of the Papaya" on March 22nd. So grab a papaya to share with your family and remember; who ever eats the fastest has good fortune for the rest of the year! Garhagogna and doobangals to all!
Your loving Flordian, Andrew. By Andrew Spang
Evil Cayman Lizards
There once was I frigtened little girl and she lived far far away in HELL, Cayman Islands... where she lived happily with her grandma and grandpa who HATED her and beat her with sticks when she did not do her chores correctly. Her chores included(but were not limited to): Cooking, cleaning, giving facials, dusting, grooming and sexual favors. She was shy so none of the other kids bothered to try to like her. One day she was crawling into the forest ( she was crawling because her grandpa took out his drunken rage on her fragile body the night before) to pick some berries when she noticed a small lizard. She thought it was adorable and if she brought it home to her grandma she might not get defingernailed later that night. She smiled and dragged her torso over to the stump where the lizard basked. She now noticed three more lizards that lay, blended in with the stump. She then reached out to touch a lizard and it immiediately puffed up and bit her middle finger, drawing blood. The other lizards reacted by puffing up and going to attack her hand. She soon found out that there were at least 24 more lizards basking on the tropical plant behind the tree stump. Within 6 seconds her hand and upper arm were covered in vivid green lizards. She screamed hoarsely and the lizards contiued to claw, rip and bite her skin. She tried to get some off by banging her hand against the log. She killed one lizard right off but she was in too much pain to continue. On lizard hissed and jumped on her face making for her eyelid. It sunk it's teeth into her cornea and clawed her cheek. By now she was screaming so loudly that her grandparents back in the village might here; if the cared. The girl now had lizards progressing onto her neck and she tried to swat the off with her free hand and another lizard bit her smallest finger. She now had stopped screaming as blood ran down her arms and on her chest. She though of her grandpa smoking his pipe and rolled her body over with all of her strength killing most of the small lizards. The rest she no longer noticed. She tried to drag herself in the direction of the village but was too weak to go any further. She lay there resting. She rested for a long time and had no disruptions because the lizards were gone. It was a cold night she tried to sleep through, lying in dried blood. Then, her head exploded and blew up half of Thailand! Boom! I love you!
By Andrew Spang
My Adventure With Anthony
Loosely based on a true story.[haha]
Last night Anthony and I adventured.
It all started when we were driving along an *abandoned* road and Anthony's car broke down in a spooky old parking lot...
We noticed that there was someone spooky sitting next to an *abandoned* car, so we avoided them and walked toward a spooky trail in hopes of finding a phone somewhere. We had barely walked far when we noticed scary power lines which might give us cancer, so we walked a little faster. When we were a little ways down the trail we noticed a giant spooky circus tent, and decided to stay far away from it. Next we found a pokey stick that doubled as a 'breadcrumb' maker, so we kept it for safety. We were getting thirsty so we started looking for water. We found a GIGANTIC spooky lake and decided to fill our canteen there. It was steep on the way climbing down to to the lake, so we were careful not to fall. When we got to the bottom, Anthony dipped our canteen in and got some POISONous water. We climbed back up the hill and I almost fell into the poisonous lake! I caught myself and we headed back toward the trail. When we got back on the trail, we noticed that there we spooky holes all over. We poked the pokey stick into them just to be safe. We made it up the trail a little more when we came to a forest blocked by a HUGE electric fence. We HURLED ourselves over the fence and fell onto the ground. As soon as we got to our feet we noticed that our path we blocked by a GIANT fallen tree. We climbed it and Anthony almost fell into a hole! When we had gotten over the tree, we noticed that we had wondered off the trail!! On the ground we found an old map that said "Ralph's" and "Gracie M.", we decided that it belonged to two lost adventurers, such as ourselves. We found our way back to the trail and then noticed a little *abandoned* house some-ways off. We headed toward it and found a dead body in the grass!!!! We quickly grabbed a plastic bag and ran back towards the trail. We went a little further along and saw a UFO up a hill! We chased it up and it flew away. We started going back down the hill when we noticed little crunches beneath our shoes. We looked down and noticed that we were crushing little people! And we were like "Oh no" and kept walking. We got back to the trail and noticed that there were bombs EVERYWHERE in the ground! We accidentally stepped on some. When that was over, we found a mental institution and heard crazy escaped people running amok! We walked faster and then found that our path was blocked by CRAZY stone sculptures. We decided to climb over them and Anthony gracefully ascended the stones. I followed slowly. Over the sculptures we found the old spooky parking lot where Anthony's car was parked! We noticed that the spooky people were still parked there. Spooky. We got Anthony's car started magically and we were on our way.
We got lost on the way back to the city and came upon a ghost town, which was spooky! And abandoned! We drove around and noticed that we were not alone. There were spooky old GAY people walking around! Like zombies! So we flashed our headlights and drove away fast! We finally found our way back home and treated ourselves to some hot noodles and water. THE END.
By Andrew Spang
The Opening of the Papaya
