FARRINGTON

 

 

FARRINGTON MAKES EVERYTHING A LOT BETTER. HE DOESN'T MAKE THINGS. HE MAKES THEM BETTER.

FARRINGTON WILL EAT DINNER ON YOUR GRANDMA'S LACE TABLECLOTH.

FARRINGTON CARES NOT ABOUT THE AFFAIRS OF SMALL MEN. FARRINGTON LIKES TO EAT.

FARRINGTON CAN MAKE YOU A WINNER. FARRINGTON CAN MAKE YOU A LOSER. FARRINGTON DOESN'T CARE ABOUT EITHER. IT IS FOR YOU TO CARE ABOUT FARRINGTON.

FARRINGTON HAS NO PATIENCE BUT MUCH HUNGER.

FARRINGTON TAKES UMBRAGE AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR SMALL TORSO AND WEAK FLACCID LIMBS. FARRINGTON IS NEVER FOOLED BY IMITATORS.

FARRINGTON WILL SPEAK AND YOU WILL LISTEN. FARRINGTON LIKES TO EAT. FARRINGTON DOES NOT CARE FOR YOUR MONEY OR YOUR SOCIAL STATUS OR YOUR STUPID ORDERED LIVES. FARRINGTON CARES ONLY FOR YOUR CARBOHYDRATES. FARRINGTON MUST FEED.

THE LEGION OF FARRINGTON CONTINUES TO GROW. HERE ARE THE HEROES OF FARRINGTON AND THE COMMANDERS OF HIS CRUSADE.

 

FARRINGTON IS COMING AND HE HAS A MESSAGE AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIKE IT. FARRINGTON WILL CONSUME YOUR POOR THIN WORLD AND REGURGITATE IT IN HIS OWN IMAGE. FARRINGTON DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU AND HE DOES NOT ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR MEAGRE HOPES AND DREAMS. IT IS BETTER TO WALK WITH FARRINGTON THAN TO BE IN HIS PATH, FOR FARRINGTON MUST FEED.

FARRINGTON DOES NOT USE MONEY. FARRINGTON EATS MONEY. FARRINGTON SHREDS MONEY FOR BEDDING. FARRINGTON REQUIRES VERY MUCH BEDDING. YOUR MONEY BELONGS TO FARRINGTON.

FARRINGTON IS A SUPERSTAR PAR EXCÉLLENCE. YOU DO NOT QUESTION FARRINGTON. FARRINGTON HAS A LIMOUSINE AND A YACHT AND A SWIMMING POOL. FARRINGTON DOES NOT SWIM. SWIMMING DESTROYS PRECIOUS CALORIES. LIFE IS NOT IMPORTANT. ONLY CALORIES ARE IMPORTANT.

 

AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THE SCALES ARE TIPPED IN FAVOUR OF FARRINGTON. YOU ARE BUT ANOTHER CONSUMABLE IN A LONG LINE OF CONSUMABLES.

BUYING IN BULK SAVES YOU MONEY. SWALLOWING YOUR HEAD SPARES FARRINGTON THE SOUND OF YOUR THIN SQUEAKY PROTESTS. FARRINGTON'S DIGESTIVE TRACT CONTAINS SOME OF THE MOST POWERFUL ACIDS KNOWN TO SCIENCE. FARRINGTON IS READY TO RUMBLE. FARRINGTON WILL RUMBLE ALL OVER YOUR HOMES AND LIVELIHOODS. YOUR FAMILY IS NOTHING BUT A PERISTALTIC SHIFT TO FARRINGTON.

"FARRINGTON IS A SELF-SUSTAINING INDUSTRY. FARRINGTON NEEDS A SUPERCOMPUTER TO COUNT ALL THE CALORIES HE MUST CONSUME. STOCK IN FARRINGTON ALWAYS GOES UP. YOU SHOULD BUY STOCK IN FARRINGTON. FARRINGTON EATS YOUR STOCK. YOU ARE AN INITIAL PUBLIC OFFERING TO FARRINGTON."

"FARRINGTON IS THE NEW SCIENCE OF MATHEMATICS. THE FARRINGTON THEOREM IS:

FARRINGTON + YOU = FARRINGTON

THE PROOF OF THIS THEOREM IS MANIFEST IN FARRINGTON. FOR ANY NUMBER N, FARRINGTON IS GREATER THAN N. YOUR MATH TEXTBOOKS HAVE ALREADY BEEN SHREDDED FOR BEDDING."

 

NOTICE: IT HAS RECENTLY BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR ATTENTION THAT FARRINGTON HAS RELOCATED TO TOKYO, JAPAN, HAVING OUTGROWN THE HIBERNATION CHAMBER ON HIS SECRET UNCHARTED PACIFIC ISLAND STRONGHOLD. THE MESSAGE BEHIND THIS IS CLEAR: FARRINGTON IS NO LONGER PREPARED TO WAIT AND BE FED. FARRINGTON IS COMING TO FEED IN PERSON, AND HE WILL BROOK NO INTERFERENCE. FARRINGTON HAS ISSUED A PRESS RELEASE AS OF MAY 11th, 2002.

"FARRINGTON IS COMING TO LEAD THIS POOR, THIN WORLD INTO A NEW AGE OF GLORIOUS GLUTTONY. YOU MUST PREPARE FOR HIS COMING; PREPARE TO GIVE UP YOUR WEALTH, YOUR LABOUR AND YOUR BIOMASS FOR THE GREATER GLORY OF FARRINGTON. YOU WILL BRING HIM THE HEADS OF HIS WRETCHED ADVERSARIES, YOU WILL BRING HIM THEIR CANNED GOODS AND PERISHABLES, AND YOU WILL BRING HIM THEIR BABIES, PREFERABLY SAUTEÉD WITH ONIONS. YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED. FARRINGTON IS COMING AND YOU WILL SERVE HIM, WILLINGLY WITH YOUR LIFE AND SOUL OR UNWILLINGLY WITH YOUR SPIT-ROASTED REMAINS. FARRINGTON MUST FEED."

 

BE WARNED, LOYAL VASSALS! NEW INTELLIGENCE HAS BEEN RECEIVED CONCERNING THE DESPICABLE BARON VON BARRIOS QUINONES, WHO CONTINUES IN HIS WRETCHED AND COWARDLY ATTEMPTS TO UNDERMINE OUR GREAT CRUSADE.

 

 

PHOTOGRAPHED HERE BY ONE OF OUR COURAGEOUS AGENTS, VON BARRIOS QUINONES IS SEEN MARSHALLING HIS HERETICAL AND UNDERFED FORCES IN A LAUGHABLE DISPLAY OF STRENGTH. FARRINGTON HAS RESPONDED BY PERSONALLY DEVOURING 847 HOSTAGES AND 19 TACTICAL AIDES, AND FLATTENING A HIDDEN STRONGHOLD OF VON BARRIOS QUINONES'S SPINDLY CRONIES WHICH WAS CYNICALLY DISGUISED AS A CHILDREN'S HOSPICE.