I was baptised a Catholic, but not raised as one. My Aunt constantly told me I was going to Hell growing up. I never put thought in to God until I went to a Catholic school in 6th grade. Then I became obsessed with Catholicism, dwelling on what I thought were sins. I was so afraid of going to Hell, afraid that the priest would yell at me in confessions. I prayed to God constantly. I thought I saw Jesus. When I went to Catholic Highschool, I started doubting Catholcism. I identified with the Born again Christians who also disagreed with Catholicism's ways. Still, I feared Hell. Everything I did seemed like a sin and I was afraid.
When I realized the fault of Catholicism, I realized the fault of all organized religion. It's self defeating. You loose the message and closeness to the divine with all the repetition and tradition. I lost all faith in all religions and decided the core truth was scripture. Then in 10th grade, we studied the old testament. That's when I realized the god of the Bible, didn't add up. In one chapter he was condeming murder and in another condoning it. He led the Jews, his "chosen people" from slavery in Egypt through a dessert death trail to the "promise land" where all they found was war. They went to the natives and took their land in the name of God, because the natives were paegans, therefor lesser beings. That's not even the HALF of it.
I realized all my life I had feared Hell. People strive for goodness to recieve their reward or to avoid their punishment, maintaining the maturity level of a five year old according to Maslov's Pyramid in psychology. They may claim to do good things out of love for God or Jesus, but why do good things in their name unless you want something in return? A self-actualized person does things because they feel it's right, not because someone else tells them it is or offers them something in return.
I realized that night after night I prayed and humbled myself to this invisible force no one could prove existed. People degrade themselves to this thing... they claim they're unworthy of love, that they don't deserve anything good that they have. That's inhumane! Thinking you are just a spec of dirt at someone's dispense.
If there is a god, why is there suffering? People will say it's because people sin. So they're saying we deserve our pain? If god was so powerful, he could stop suffering if he chose to. Then some would say without suffering there would be no compassion. If god chose to intervene it would eliminate free will. Who needs free will, which causes us harm, who needs compassion, if there's no suffering? It would be like Heaven. Isn't Heaven this lack of free will and suffering people strive for? If God loved everyone, there would be no Hell. How can he be both condeming and loving? Only reward the people who do what he says? Suffering is cause by people... bullshit. What about natural disasters? Natural diseases?
Some say god works in mysterious ways, we'll never understand. I don't accept that. Shouldn't you understand the thing you're dedicating your life to, the thing your giving up your human rights to happiness for?
Here's a quote that I LOVE by the Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus...
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?"
-Epicurus
If the God of the Bible existed, I would want nothing to do with him. He is obviously sadistic. It's all in the scripture. What kind of god is love and vengance, peaceful yet unforgiving, just yet unsound? He sounds like a madman.
I realized everything that happened to me that was supernatural, could be explained away with rational thought. You should never be afraid to question EVERYTHING. Only then will you understand what something is. You should never just accept something because you're afraid not to. The greatest inventions and discoveries can come from the simplist questions. Never close your mind to a possiblity. Religion and strong belief in a diety closes one's mind to the world around them. It makes them see things as right or wrong with no inbetween. It may even make them see things that aren't really there.
Some people believe in religion because it's all they've ever known or because it's what everyone else does. I've looked into other religions such as Islam, Judaism, Wicca, Satanism, Buddhism, Druidism and the gods and goddesses of Ancient Greece. They all hold the same essential belief... do good to achieve good for yourself. Though, sometimes what is "good" may be subjective. I may hold beliefs simular to all of those religions, but those beliefs are the common human view of morality.
Perhaps religion in a way saves people from themselves, telling them that partaking in a certain activity will lead to self destruction... but one is trully lost when they can't look into themselves and decide what is best on their own.
I don't need a book or any god or goddess to tell me how to live my life. What I believe is right comes from myself, and when I think something's wrong it's not because I fear punishment, but because I think it's wrong. In a way, the belief in a higher power is demeaning and crippling. I don't need to seek comfort or fear death. There is no proof anything aside from what is... exists.
