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Recently, I hopped online to browse for Darren Hayes merchandise to celebrate the occasion of my friend's birthday. Well, naturally, I found some stuff on ebay, and in the end, opted to take him out for dinner, instead, since I wasn't certain I felt comfortable (and just couldn't afford) bidding $300 dollars on a muscle shirt that Darren Hayes himself might have tossed out of his closet because he simply thought it was outdated and concealed it as an act of charity...Anyhoo, while pursuing things pertaining to the former Savage Garden singer...I came across this 'quiz' at a forum...It posed some very thought provoking questions like:

4.) What would you say if Darren Hayes asked to adopt you?

a) Adopt me? How about Marry me? We'd still be family if thats what you want!

b) Yes please pappy darren!

c) That would make a relationship very difficult Darren...

d) Let me see what I have planned for like, oh let me see, THE REST OF MY LIFE!'

Now...As important as I think it is to consider that question from all angles, and very seriously...I had some more pressing matters come to mind. So, I made up my own Darren Hayes quiz. Please, take a moment to determine if you're a truly devoted fan. :) Thanks!

1.) If Darren Hayes, the former singer of Savage Garden asked, in all earnesty, if he sang like a girl, while on a dinner date, you would:

A) Look around like a frantic crazy cat and give your thoughts away.

B)Pretend to choke on a large leaf of lettuce and start waving your arms helicopter-style, attempting to propell yourself from the table.

C)Say, just makes you seem that much sensitive, baby.

D)Explain solemnly that since you were raised by wolves, your hearing has to been honed to recognize high pitched noises as entirely acceptable.

2) If Darren suggested you 'make it a Blockbuster Night' and farted from his end on the couch, you would:

A) Catch it in a paper bag and huff it.

B) Catch it in a paper bag and try to sell it on Ebay.

C) Appear horrified, and exclaim, "EW!! You're one of those....people that farts?!?!? Gross. I'm going home.'

D) Lean to the side and let one go, then make out like a couple of big dumb animals.

3)If Darren took off his shoes to reveal long gnarled toes resembling rat claws, you would:

A)Suck them until they straightened out.

B)Ask him if his feet are cold, and fetch a pair of socks.

C)Take off your own shoes and show off the callouses that look like sealife on the soles of your feet.

D)Cry because your girlish romantic notions are shattered.

4) If Darren tripped on stage and fell face down, you would:


B) Call 911 immediately. God forbid his face is disfigured, and time is of the essence if a plastic surgeon is to reach the scene in time.

C)Find yourself vaguely sympathetic and wonder if you have time to catch Saturday Night Live.

D)Throw tomatoes, boo and hiss!

5) Darren confesses his profound desire to give up all of his earthly possessions to work the checkout stand at the local supermarket, so you:

A)Apply for the position stocking produce so you two can share candlelit lunchbreaks in aisle five.

B)Stalk him so you can be assured he's not going to run off with that tramp that works at the pharmacy.

C)Stalk him for no reason at all.

D)Condemn him for his foolish dreams and spit out the words, 'Oh, Darren, would you get your head out of the clouds? Hello! Hello?!'

6) After meeting Darren and exchanging numbers, you return home to look in the mirror and discover a booger peeking out of your nose, and you:

A)Leave twenty messages on his answering machine swearing it was just a flake of dry skin, then consider throwing yourself off the top of the building.

B)Pick your nose and hope he doesn't have psychic abilities that allow him to see you digging for buried treasure from his own home across the city.

C)Wonder if that sort of thing really matters to him. What's a little boogie?

D)Mail it to him to remind him of you.

7)After meeting Darren and slipping him your digits, you:

A) Run home to perform a magic spell that will make him love you.

B)Call up the coven to rush over to your kitchen cauldron and chant, 'Darren, Darren Fo Farren, call Jenny now or find yourself barren! Love transcend telephone wires, or be doomed to sing in methodist church choirs!"

C)Curl up into a ball and rock yourself in the corner of the room, staring fixedly on the phone, while muttering, 'Please call, please call, please call.'

D)Write out a script of exactly what you're going to say, and how he might respond...then revise it, and revise it again. Then act it out in your head. Then act it out with your neighbor, saying, 'No, no, no...Darren wouldn't say it like that. It's evident that you don't know him at all.'

8) Darren is winning at Monopoly, so you:

A) Try to distract him with sexual innuendos.

B)Tell him he'll never have sex with you again if he doesn't give you Illinois Ave. RIGHT NOW!!!

C)Pick up the board and throw it across the room, then wonder if he maybe he thought that was childish...Or insane?

D)Smile and laugh, but really say to yourself, 'Oh, you think you're so goodlooking...You think you're so smart. Mr. Fancy Pants has three monopolies. Well, next time my little dog lands on the same property your big snazzy car is parked on, I'm going to make him pee on you. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Take that!'

9) Darren asks how you feel about his music, and you say:

A)I don't really understand anything you're saying, and when I can, I don't relate at all, but you're so hot.

B) Confuse him with the guy from Erasure.

C) Burst into tears and sob, "That song the "Chicken Cherry Cola one' was the only thing that kept me from killing myself a few years ago!"

D) "The devil made me do it" and try to bite your own face off.

Dislaimer: I don't know Darren Hayes, or anything about him...If you have had any experiences of this nature with him, I'm sorry. What a drag. This quiz is my intellectual property and the brainchild of my whacky noggin'!

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