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This is where I write whats in my head.

Time Just to damn much of it on my hands,and at the same time i think of how little any of us have left. What is the point to the existance that we live in as a society? All I can try to define is what I see around me. At the moment i was born i recieved a gift. It has been taught to me by almost everyone I have encountered along lifes road.The gift that i am talking about is the Right to My Own Opinion. It is a difficult Gift to enjoy though,when you consider that it is vetoed by your parents for the first 18 years of your life and then for most of us it is compromised on for the remainder of our lives. For even the best opinion is flawed enough to be debated by anyone. In the work place your opinion is aloud but goes unheard unless it is exactly the same as the company in which you chose to work. Oh they might give you some credit for your rants and raves but in the long run You agree or you are replaced. I have seen this on many occasions during my life. But the beauty of this opinion freedom is that although I may see it as a system of control in the workplace, others see it as a thousand different things.Personally i feel that each individual should be aloud the oportunity to express themselves without the presure of haveing to deal with the disagreements that follow.But this is not the case. We live in a time when a person can do something completely out of the realm of belief,something that would outrage most sane individuals and get rewarded for it with a lucrative Book contract. this in most cases its justified by the need to understand the act..or to satisfy the curiosity of people who haven't a chance to understand the why of the event. And I include myself in this list, for in truth if I see a book writen by Charles Manson or even one writen by Bill Clinton explaining to us all the why behind his actions than you can bet something in me wants to read it. The right to my own opinion puts me in a place of power but only in my own mind.Outside of my mind in all fairness I must allow my opinion to be equal to all others, In theory this lessens the power that it holds. We all agree that for an opinion to truely gain worth or power it must first be suported by facts and allies. Basicly your opinion doesn't mean anything without someone agreeing with it so you have the right to it but keep it to yourself unless you can back it up.Facts rule debates without facts you lose.Unless of course your debateing an issue with someone who is so out of touch with the subject that the facts given in suport mean nothing to them.So suround yourself with large groups of people who think exactly the same as yourself. or hold in your collective arsenal the facts necesary to defeat all those who would devote there time to throw down your opinion and call it worthless. In my youth growing up in New England I learned important life lessons the first of which was If a person didn't agree with what i was saying than i needed to shut up..or get slapped around.The second lesson I learned was that if you had the facts to support your arguement, and stateing them with conviction made the person debateing you seem stupid than you got slapped around even more. I was surounded by many people who thought they knew something more than the next guy. This was a pain in the ass .It is almost stupid in itself becuase of course someone knows more than the next guy. But there we are standing ready to debate for what we believe should be right.Well guess what. There are people all over the planet that think the same way.Which leaves us in a serious stand off. Its the most confuseing thing I have ever had to deal with.If you think about it our country as a whole is set up on a political system that thrives on the fact that we as a multi party society will never agree comepletely on anything. Imagine if all americans agreed on all the same issues. The thought of what we could accomplish as a group is so hard to comprehend that most people wouldn't want to try. I feel that so many of us are use to the way it is that the idea of change is fightening.But every president elected wants to unite the party's on common ground for the better of the country. I often wonder how serious they would be if they had to do it for free. So growing up in my disfunctional lower middle class urban american family has brought about some attitudes that may be disagreed with.But in the same note i think that there are many out there who might read this and say that sounds like what they had to deal with also.When you live in a house where the dad works hard all week but then squanders the cash trying to satisfy his inner demons.And you are loved by a mom who's denial comes from the fears of a society rich with I told you so people.Than you as a by product of the disfuntion turn into something of a pawn.I say this from my own perspective as i was allways wanting to make my drunk daddy proud of me,while at the same time haveing to support My mother in her right to deny it was happening at all.Never wanting to anger one without disapointing the other was a royal pain in the ass.But as it was all going on around me i couldn't yet realize that this was the way life was going to be know matter what.Remove the alchaholism and the denial and you could easily replace it with lack of respect or infidelity .Know family is with out disagreements, debates, call it what you will to make yourself feel good about it..but when it comes right down to it its all the same. The right to your own opinion is directly influenced by what you gain and what you lose.In a household that has a physical abusive parent your opinion had best be strong because it will be paid for in disgrace pain ,blood and loss.Even in a house where there is the best of situations you will still find that your opinion will be placed under the most serious scrutiny.Conservative parents raise rebels everyday and free spirited parents can end up with a child who feels that there lack of compliance to order can bring about anarchy. There is even an argument to be had that parents would best suit there children for the real world by doing all they could to raise them to be nothing like them selves.In my case this was just not going to happen. So after finding away to get threw the first stages of my life at home I now had to find my way threw the portion of my life that would force me to define my stand on the issue of individuality. I call this chapter of my life Hell School..Grades 8-12

Next chapter to be linked soon..

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Chapter 2 enter at own risk.