TITLE: Some Kind of Heaven (22/22)
AUTHOR: Elizabeth (sef7881@aol.com)
PAIRING: Viggo Mortensen/Orlando Bloom
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: It's the most wonderful time of the year
FEEDBACK: It's the sauce on my steak, it's the cheese in my cake
WARNINGS: None
DISCLAIMER: This story is solely a product of my twisted imagination
ARCHIVE: Help yourself, just drop me a line so I can brag to my friends
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This may be the end of "Some Kind of Heaven", but there's
another series (called "Pretty Good Year") that will follow this one.
And yes, I know it's not Christmastime, but this chapter was just begging
to be written, and who am I to defy my muses?
DATE WRITTEN: August 16th, 2003
"Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg," I sing as I come out of the bathroom.
"What on earth are you singing?" Viggo groans from the bed, where he's just waking up.
I grin and hop onto the bed, straddling him. "The Batmobile lost a wheel, and the Joker took ballet!"
"Orli, it's six in the morning." He turns his head to bury his face in a pillow.
"Grandma got run over by a reindeer!" I sing, raising my voice as I start another song. "Driving home from our house Christmas Eve. You may say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa -- we believe!"
"Orlando Bloom . . ." he warns, his voice muffled by the pillow.
"Merry Christmas, Vig!"
He laughs and looks up, giving me a beautiful smile. "Merry Christmas, Orli." I allow him to pull me down for a lingering kiss. "Where did you learn those songs? I *hate* those songs."
"I know," I laugh. "Henry taught them to me a while back; he said that they annoy the piss out of you."
"That they do." He shakes his head. "I'm completely defenseless when the two of you gang up."
"C'mon, where's your Christmas spirit?"
"It's still asleep, along with ninety percent of my brain."
"Hmm, then I'll have to work at waking you up." I get back under the sheets and wrap my body around his. "Why Viggo, is that a lump of coal in your boxers, or are you just happy to see me?"
"Excuse me?"
"Can I suck your candy cane?" I tease as I tug at his boxers. "Can I slide down your chimney? Can I unwrap my gift?"
"I'm your gift?" he chuckles.
"Yes. Now come on," I tell him. "We've got six whole hours until Exene brings Henry over. Let's use that time wisely."
He grins and pulls me closer. "Good idea."
*****
"Orli, they're here!" Viggo exlaims as I hear Exene's car pull into the driveway. He runs to the door, wrapping Henry in a bear hug as he dashes into the house. "Merry Christmas!"
"Yeah, same to you!" Henry kisses Viggo on the cheek, then pulls away to give me a hug. "Merry Christmas, Orli."
"Merry Christmas, kid," I laugh.
"So, Dad?" Henry looks at Viggo expectantly. "Is it time for Orli's gift?"
"My gift?"
"Yeah, Dad got you something really special and he's been having Exene hide it at her house for a few days," Henry tells me, his eyes practically sparkling with exitement. "Trust me, it's *really* cool."
"Is that so?" I raise my eyebrows and glance over at Viggo. "Well, do I get to see what it is?"
"Henry, go tell your mom to bring the gift in," Viggo says.
"Okay." He runs out of the house, and we hear him yell, "Exene! Bring it in!"
"What's with all the secrecy and intrigue?" I ask my boyfriend. "Couldn't you have just wrapped it and stashed it here?"
"Um, not exactly." He smiles at me and gives me a kiss. "But it's worth the trouble."
There's the familiar patter of a dog running, and then Exene bursts through the door, being dragged along by a small white blur on a leash. My eyes widen, and I let out an inadvertant yelp. "Maude?!" Exene drops the leash and I find myself being playfully mauled by a very excited dog. My dog. My Maude.
I crouch down and try to hug my girl, but she's all over me, licking my face and neck. Her little tail is wagging back and forth, and she's yipping like mad. "Oh, you're so happy to see me, aren't you?" I ask, kissing her head. "I missed you so much, sweetie." She yips happily again and then licks my face one last time before getting distracted and chasing her tail.
"Here," Henry says, handing me a paper towel as I stand up. "Wipe your face off."
I laugh and clear off the doggie kisses. Looking over at Viggo, I see him grinning like crazy at me. "I can't believe you did this," I tell him, giving him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I'd give you a proper kiss, but Maude might get jealous." We look down to see her sniffing all around the living room. "Vig, this is the sweetest gift in the world. Thank you *so* much."
"You're welcome." He pulls me a little closer and kisses my forehead.
"And thank you guys for keeping her for a few days," I tell Henry and Exene.
"No problem," Exene tells me with a grin. "I'm just glad that you finally have a female living in this house. It's about damned time."
"Yeah, and I get a dog out of all this," Henry says. "I mean, she's kind of everyone's dog, right?"
"She's the family dog," I decree.
"Okay, well before I choke on all the mushiness in the room, I should get going," Exene laughs. "Have a good Christmas, you guys." She gives a kiss to Henry, and hugs to me and Viggo before leaving.
"How on earth did you do this?" I ask Viggo as Maude comes back to me for more loving.
"I called your mother about nine months ago and told her that I wanted to do this for you," he says, sitting down on the floor with me and joining the dog-petting session. "Then we got all the paperwork filled out, and then poor Maude had to spend six months in quarantine in California before she could come home to you."
"Quarantine? My girl's been in quarantine?" I pull her close and kiss her again. "You must have thought that nobody loved you anymore!" She just kisses me some more. "But you're here now, and you're loved and happy, and you'll never be in quarantine again!"
"You know, she doesn't understand a word you say," Henry informs me.
"She's a smart dog, man. Watch this: Maude, roll over," I order. She stares blankly at me. "Come on, girl. *Roll over*." She licks my face. "Maude, Daddy's telling you to roll over. You're embarrassing me in front of Henry."
"'Daddy'?" Viggo laughs.
"What?" I say defensively. "She's my girl. I'm her daddy. It's very simple."
"Well, if I ever needed proof that you're insane, I have it now," Henry cackles. I stick my tongue out at him. "Oh, *that's* a mature comeback."
"Maude, they're teasing Daddy," I tell her. "Kill!"
She just wags her tail and barks.
*****
"Tell me again why these are called 'Snow Pigs'," I say as I hold up a freshly baked cookie. "Because it's a very strange name for a dessert."
"Nobody knows why," Viggo shrugs. "It's this old recipe that's been passed down for generations on my mom's side of the family. We all bake them for Christmas, but the name's origin is a mystery."
"But they're yummy, so we don't care," Henry says. "Plus, when
you use the pig-shaped cookie cutter, you can bite their heads off!"
"That's extremely disturbing," I tell him.
"Oh! And I just realized something!" he exclaims. "You two are, like, *obsessed* with pigs, right? This should be the official dessert of your relationship!"
"First of all, we aren't *obsessed* with pigs," Viggo clarifies. "It's a little joke between the two of us, and that's all. Second of all, I don't think our relationship needs an official dessert. Now are we going to open presents, or what?"
We go around, reading cards and unwrapping gifts. Henry's eyes light up when he sees the various gifts that Viggo and I bought him. He was generous enough to buy me a phone card with 1000 free minutes for when I go back to the Caribbean, plus a pair of socks with reindeer on them; he bought his father a much-needed new wallet to replace the ratty one that Viggo's been carrying forever.
In addition to the unbelievably fabulous gift of Maude, Viggo also gives me three CDs that I really wanted, a tin of jelly beans, and a book on the history of pirates. My gifts for him are two cookbooks, some of the herbal teas that he loves, a DVD, and a toy that's a gag gift -- a singing hamster dressed as a cowboy. Finally, I hand him his major present.
"Do I get any hints?" Viggo asks hopefully as he examines the wrapped gift.
"No," I tell him. "Now open the present."
He eagerly tears off the paper, and his eyes widen as he looks at my present. "Orli, this is beautiful."
"Yeah? You really like it?" I scoot closer to him.
"Of course I like it," he assures me.
"Um, what *is* it?" Henry asks, leaving the rocking chair he's sitting in to join us on the couch.
"It's a photo album," Viggo says. "A really big one. And it has the Ring Poem on the cover." He shows his son the gold lettering of the poem on the black album.
"Wow, that's really neat. Orli, where'd you get this?" Henry opens the album and flips through the blank pages.
"Actually, it's just a normal album," I tell him. "But I took it to this guy who does engravings, and he added the poem to the cover."
"This is beautiful," Viggo murmurs.
"Well, I realized that you have literally hundreds of pictures from New Zealand, and they're just lying scattered in the studio. I thought that maybe you should put them in an album so that they stay safe. Plus, this way you can have a book about the time we spent there and the people we met. So it's sort of a 'Lord of the Rings' photo album."
"That's such a great idea," he says. "The time we spent making the movies was something totally different from anything else I've ever experienced, and it definitely should have its own album."
"Also, you guys can look back at it in, like, forty years and remember all the stuff that happened," Henry adds. "You know, like a time capsule."
"Exactly," I say.
"Well, there's another reason I think it's great," Viggo tells me. "When we have a child together, we can show it to him or her when they get older so that they can see where their parents met, and what it was like being in a different world for fifteen months."
"I didn't even think of that," I admit. "But you're right. That's a great way of having it be a part of our family history."
"I can just see it," Henry snorts. "'Okay, kid -- the one with the long blonde hair, pointy ears, and tights is me, and the one in the all-leather ensemble who looks like he hasn't bathed in twenty years is your other Dad.' I mean, one look at Orli as Legolas, and the poor kid will want to call him 'Mommy'."
I playfully smack his arm. "It's not my fault that Legolas wasn't afraid to get in touch with his feminine side. Besides, they're not tights; they're leggings."
"You guys are both insane," Viggo says with a shake of his head.
"What, and you're the picture of sanity?" I laugh, balling up the wrapping paper and tossing it across the room, where Maude immediately goes scampering after it.
"Okay, so we're all crazy," he admits as he picks up another Snow Pig. "We're a family of nutcases."
"Definitely. Between the two of us, the crazy boy known as Henry," I tease, "and the new addition of an insanely hyper dog, not to mention Exene -- who brings her own bizarreness to the mix -- we might be the weirdest family in the world."
"Yeah, but that doesn't really matter," Henry says. "I mean, we love each other and we're happy. At the risk of sounding like a sappy dope, I think we've got the best family possible."
I laugh, wrapping an arm around Viggo and giving Henry a grin.
"Yeah, I think you're right."
Bonus:
Elizabeth's family recipe for Snow Pigs
Necessary kitchen tools:
Rolling pin
Electric mixer
Oven
Ingredients: (all measurements American)
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons grated nutmeg (preferably freshly grated)
2/3 cup butter (margarine is an acceptable substitute)
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
Baking instructions:
1. Sift together and set aside the "Dry Ingredients": flour, baking
powder, salt, and nutmeg
2. Use an electric mixer to combine the butter and vanilla; cream until
soft
3. Gradually add the sugar to the butter/vanilla mix; cream until fluffy
4. Beat the eggs and add them in thirds to the butter/vanilla/sugar
mix; beat the mixture until blended
5. Stir in the "Dry Ingredients" in fourths. Blend well
6. Chill dough thoroughly in the refrigerator for at least one hour
7. Remove as much dough is needed for a single rolling, and return
the rest to the fridge immediately
8. Roll dough 1/8 inch thick on lightly floured surface. Cut
with floured cookie cutters. If desired, sprinkle *lightly* with
sugar and nutmeg
9. Bake at 375 degrees Farenheit for 10 - 12 minutes, or until golden.
Remove immediately to let cool
10. Decorate with frosting if desired
11. Enjoy!
