TITLE: Some Kind of Heaven (10/22)
AUTHOR: Elizabeth (sef7881@aol.com)
WEBSITE: https://www.angelfire.com/scary/randominsanity/RandomInsanity.html
PAIRING: Viggo Mortensen/Orlando Bloom
RATING: R
SUMMARY: More relationship journals (Alternating POV)
FEEDBACK: It's a giddy little thrill at a reasonable price
WARNINGS: A smidgen of angst, a cupful of sap
DISCLAIMER: This story is solely a product of my twisted imagination
ARCHIVE: BTF, LBES, Lothlorien, Mirrormere, my site; all others please
ask, but I'll surely say yes
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The relationship journals chapter of "Remember To Breathe"
was well-received enough for me to put one into "Some Kind of Heaven".
The bit about the psychotic bird is based on a RL episode. *****
denotes a change in who's writing the entries.
DATE WRITTEN: July 9th, 2003
5-6-02
I *just* got off the phone with you, so you're probably boarding your flight to Australia as I write this. Thank you for calling me from the airport; you were right when you said that I was probably already experiencing separation anxiety. But in my defense, it's your own damned fault for being so wonderful. You really should come with a warning label -- Warning: May cause loss of sanity. Not that I ever had a firm grip on my sanity, but you get the point.
It's truly ridiculous how much I already miss you. I can assure you that when I go to sleep tonight, the Love Pig will be on your pillow. That should be all the proof you need that you've officially turned me into a pile of sap. However, I'm a happy pile of sap. You make me happy. I miss you.
*****
6.5.02
I'm really glad that there's no one in the seat next to me, because this way I don't have to worry about anyone looking over my shoulder as I write about how amazing this morning's goodbye sex was. And then afterwards, you just *had* to put on those jeans, the ones that perfectly show off your bum. As if it wasn't difficult enough for me to leave.
I don't know, maybe it's ironic that after all the bitching and moaning I did about being separated from you after New Zealand, I'm choosing these roles that have me flying all the way around the world. But you've encouraged me every step of the way, reminding me that I'm living out my dream, and it does make it easier to know that you understand why I'm doing this. Still, it's tough.
Actually, do you know what would be great? Doing another movie with you. It'd be terrific to combine two of my favorite things: being with you and acting. Not to mention that you're such an incredible actor. I was so awestruck when we were making 'Rings' and I got to work alongside Ian and Beanie and Hugo, and so on, but you just blew me away with how you totally *became* Aragorn. You really did teach me so much about acting. When I do the commentary for the 'Fellowship' DVD, I know that I'm going to gush like mad about you.
It *was* a bit daft that you took the sword with you everywhere, though. I still can't believe you brought it when we went camping. Did you really think that you were going to run into some orcs in the woods of New Zealand? I guess it was just your way of getting into character, like boot camp for 'G.I. Jane' or creating your own art for 'A Perfect Murder'. Henry once joked that you performed animal sacrifices to get into character for playing Lucifer in 'The Prophecy'. At least, I *hope* he was joking.
Wow, here's some supreme irony. We have several choices of movies on the flight, and one of them is 'Fellowship'!!! And since I've already seen 'Harry Potter' and 'Ocean's Eleven', I will indeed watch 'Fellowship'. There's also the fact that I get to watch you look hot for three hours, but that has nothing to do with my decision. I miss you, my hot, hot Viggo.
Okay, it's a few hours later, and I'm still on the plane. 'Fellowship' just ended. Every time I see you say, "Let's hunt some orc", I always want to jump out of my seat and give a yell of excitement. However, that might get me arrested, so I'll sit still. Though I'm thinking of popping into the loo for a quick wank. Damn, do you have to look so hot? I still miss you, my hot, hot Viggo.
Yes, I am aware that this has become the entry that will not die, but something really cool just happened! A wonderfully nice old lady from a few rows in back of me was coming back from the loo and asked me if I was Orlando Bloom (I said yes, of course, since I *am* Orlando Bloom). She told me that she recognized me from 'Lord of the Rings', and that I did a fantastic job as Legolas! I blushed like crazy and talked with her for a minute. Apparently, her granddaughter is in love with Leggy, so I wrote the girl a little note. Just wanted to tell you that, as I'm a bit excited right now. I *still* miss you, my hot, hot, hot, hot Viggo.
*****
5-7-02
It's two in the morning, and I woke up a few minutes ago for some reason and now can't get back to sleep. You're somewhere over the Pacific right now, and I hope your flight is fine. To be honest, I can't think of anything incredibly relevant to write, so I hope you don't mind that this will kind of be a stream-of-consciousness entry.
It's one of the rare nights in L.A. where you can actually see the stars through the smog, and Henry and I sat out on the patio after dinner, trying to come up with new constellations. He pointed out an arrangement of stars that vaguely resembles California, as well as one that looks like Bugs Bunny. Then we had a bit of an argument over how much he needs to work on a paper for school this weekend, but we eventually came to a compromise. He's even more stubborn than I am, and that's saying something.
I still feel like an ass about the fight we had on Saturday. However, I still refuse to atone for behaving like a jerk by doing 'G.I. Jane' roleplaying. Sorry love, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Having Aragorn and Legolas get it on is strange enough. Plus, knowing you, you'll make plenty of jokes about certain parts of your anatomy 'standing at attention', and that's just totally unnecessary. And knowing me, I'll end up going on a tangential rant about the military's policy on gays in the army, which could kill the mood entirely.
Although I'm not sure that anything could really kill the mood when you're naked. That always puts me in the perfect mood. Which makes me very glad that we took those pictures yesterday -- you know the ones I'm talking about. The only good thing about you going away is the phone sex, the welcome home sex, and the excuse it affords me to take multiple pictures of you naked. I'm officially a dirty old man, aren't I? I'm more oversexed now than when I was twenty. Go figure. The things you do to me, love; the things you do.
*****
8.5.02
Technically, it's May 8th, but it feels like May 7th. Stupid international dateline. I'm finally all caught up on my sleep, so jet lag isn't an issue, but freezing my bum off is. Stupid southern hemisphere. Okay, okay, I don't have a problem with the hemisphere per se, but why does it have to be bloody winter in the middle of May? Another thing I can't get used to is growing this beard. It feels like my face is wearing a jumper.
Everyone here is very nice, and I think that making 'Ned Kelly' will be a great experience. Still, it won't compare to 'Rings' -- although I don't think I'll ever have another movie-making experience like that again. I mean, we got permanent *tattoos* to signify how much that movie meant to us. It's insane how lucky I got to have my first movie be 'Lord of the Rings'. It's insane how lucky I am in general. I miss you, my amazing, amazing Viggo.
*****
5-10-02
I was at the dentist's office today (a.k.a. the torture chamber), and they had an old magazine in the waiting room with Paul McCartney on the cover. My mind immediately went, "well, Paul McCartney is British. So is Orli." And then I couldn't get you out of my head. Then I was at the supermarket, and the checkout girl's name was Ariel. My brain made a connection to your sentimental favorite movie, 'The Little Mermaid', and once again, I couldn't get you out of my head.
After that I went home and, well, everything in the house seems to remind me of you. From the book you left on the coffee table to your shampoo on the shelf in the shower, you're all around me. All I could end up doing this afternoon was lie on our bed and scribble the most random thoughts about you. Of course, most of my thoughts are random no matter what I'm thinking about.
Anyway, it's almost time for me to get some sleep. It's only ten, but I'm exhausted; for some reason, I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. I'm not sure why. I hope you're sleeping well, love. Good night.
*****
12.5.02
So last night I went to this club with a few people, and it was a blast -- I ended up dancing until about two in the morning. It's so wonderful to just turn yourself over to the music and adrenaline and get lost in your movements. But then again, you already know how much I crave the natural highs of dancing, bungee jumping, surfing, etc. You're my ultimate natural high, though. Being with you is the best rush in the world.
Speaking of stuff like that, do you remember when you tagged along when I went surfing with the hobbits? Okay, dumb question -- I'm sure you remember that. God, I felt like such a tosser, wheedling and needling you until you came with us, and then you ended up getting that bloody black eye. And it was right after we got together, so I was really worried that you were upset with me for dragging you along. But you told me you had such a good time just being with me, regardless of the resulting physical injuries.
And then there was the time we went to that dance club in Wellington with the hobbits (our entourage, if you will). Once I got you out on the dance floor, you were pretty damned smooth; it was difficult to restrain myself from ravishing you right there, but I managed to hold off until we got into the bathroom stall. Ah, memories. And mark my words, Vig: I'll make a bungee jumper out of you yet. I miss you, my adventurous, adventurous Viggo.
*****
5-13-02
Why is it that everything seems to go wrong on Mondays? Maybe it's because today is May 13th, which is supposedly the unluckiest day of the year. Well, whatever the reason is, I have had such a shitty day. First of all, I slept through the alarm clock and forgot to wake Henry for school, which meant that he was late and got pissed at me. When I reminded him that he was capable of setting his own alarm, he just let out one of those sighs that says, 'why is my dad such a dork?' I love him dearly, but he's such a *teenager*.
On my way back from driving him to school, I got pulled over for speeding and ended up with a $75 ticket. Then I somehow misplaced my phone bill, and when I called Pacific Bell to find out how much I owe them so I can pay the bill, they put me on hold for twenty minutes. After Henry came home from school, I banged my hip by tripping over the backpack that he had so thoughtfully left in the middle of the hallway. And finally, I dropped a bottle of salad dressing when I was clearing the dinner table, so now the kitchen floor smells like blue cheese.
I hope tomorrow will be more bearable. I miss you and love you.
*****
14.5.02
You are ths sweetest man in the world. My mum called me today and informed me that you sent her a gift for Mother's Day this past weekend, which is one of the sweetest, cutest things you've ever done. And now my mum absolutely adores you, even more so than she did before. She's so glad I've 'settled down' with someone, and was telling me how lucky I am to have you. I told her that I know exactly how lucky I am. I miss you, my sweet, sweet Viggo.
*****
5-17-02
This morning I was going over some of the photographs I've taken recently, and stumbled across one of you laughing about something. (It was taken the night when we had the entire Fellowship over for dinner.) You're sitting on the couch with a bowl of vegetarian chili in one hand, your mouth open wide in laughter and your face looking almost directly at the camera. It's in black-and-white.
When I picked up this picture, I was struck yet again by how beautiful you are. I hope you're not tired of me saying that, because I'll never get tired of telling you how beautiful you are, how wonderful you are, and how much I love you. What's so great about the picture is that it seems to capture the vibrancy of your spirit. You have more enthusiasm for experiencing life than anyone I've ever met, and the infectiousness of your energy and joy constantly amazes me.
I remember thinking that there was absolutely no chance that such a beautiful, caring, and utterly *alive* man would be interested in me. I'll admit that at first I didn't want to fall in love with you, because I was convinced that nothing could ever happen between us. But in the end, I truly couldn't resist the depth of my feelings for you and ended up falling headfirst into the most incredible adventure of my life. That's really what we have together -- an adventure. When I'm with you, I'm flying.
*****
18.5.02
I had blueberry pancakes for breakfast this morning. They were nowhere nearly as delicious as the blueberry pancakes that *you* make, but they still put me in a good mood, as blueberry pancakes always do. It really takes so little to make me happy. Of course, the main thing that makes me happy is you. Yes, I get all warm and fuzzy when I'm around you.
Okay, a quick list -- the Top 10 things I miss about you, in no particular
order
10: When you mumble in your sleep, and when you snore (and don't deny
that you snore, old man. You do)
9: Your laugh, especially how your face scrunches up when you really
crack up
8: The way you say my name, especially when we're making love
7: The way you wear mismatched socks when you're not going anywhere
special
6: Your arse (because I really am that shallow)
5: The look in your eyes when you get a new idea or inspiration
4: Your kisses, whether it's a soft peck on the cheek or a deep, open-mouthed
kiss
3: How your hair always sticks up in a million directions when you
first wake up
2: The way you gently trace the scar on my back with your finger when
we're lying in bed
1: The way you kiss every part of my body and whisper endearments until
I feel utterly loved and content
I miss you, my loving, loving Viggo.
*****
5-19-02
Holy everlasting God, do you have any idea what you do to me? That phone sex last night was . . . well, it was unbelievable. You have such a dirty mouth on you, Orli, and I absolutely love it.
*****
19.5.02
You sound so beautiful when you come. Well okay, your voice always sounds beautiful, but when you're doing that sexy moaning thingy, it's incredible. You're so bloody sexy that you could turn any man gay. I'm proof. And now it's time for another Top 10 list.
The Top 10 things I miss about sex with you (again, in no particular
order)
10: That voice (of course)
9: The way you like to pin me against a wall and proceed to ravish
me. Who needs a bed? Not you
8: Gag reflex? What's a gag reflex? You sure as hell don't
seem to have one
7: Boldly going where no tongue has gone before -- in case you need
clarification, that's in my arse (wink wink)
6: Two words: inhuman stamina
5: You feel *so* good when I'm inside of you. You have no idea
how good
4: You feel *so* good when you're inside of me. You have no idea
how good
3: Cuddling afterwards
2: Your, ahem, sense of creativity
1: YOU'RE A SEX GOD
I miss you, my libidinous, libidinous Viggo.
*****
5-21-02
Okay, it's time for me to get all sentimental once again. Brace yourself. I've never been one for flowery language or over-dramatic endearments, but the fact is that you are my heart, my soul, my other half, my everything. You're the hand that holds me up, the shoulder I lean on, and the eyes that see into my soul. You make everything better with a single smile.
In case you're wondering what brought on this sudden sentimentality, I honestly can't tell you the answer to that. I was reading the paper a few minutes ago and got this urge to write in the journal, so that's what I'm doing. But then again, I've never needed an excuse to tell you how much I love you.
I remember waking up the morning after we first told each other that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. You were already awake, lying there and looking at me with a look of such unadulterated love that it made my heart hurt. And then you leaned in and gave me a kiss that was slow and soft, one that we had no need to rush because we now had the rest of our lives to love each other. I'm so blessed to have you by my side, and I love you more than I could ever hope to express.
*****
22.5.02
You'll never believe what happened last night. Some of the cast and crew held a movie night, and we each picked a video for us to watch (my selection was 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid', because Paul Newman rocks). Anyway, someone selected the remake of 'Psycho', which meant that I had to sit and watch you look sexy for two hours. It was torture. My God, do you have any concept of how irresistible you are in that cowboy hat? Ride me, cowboy! I miss you, my gorgeous, gorgeous Viggo.
*****
5-24-02
This morning, Henry asked if I'd take him to see the new 'Star Wars' movie, and I said yes. But it turned out that he wanted me to physically take him to the theater and drop him off so he could see the movie with his friends. My son is growing up, and I have very mixed feelings about that. It's wonderful to see him becoming such a terrific young man right before my eyes, but he's also at that point where hugs from his dad are terminally uncool. At least he actually *likes* me and enjoys spending time with me (up to a point, of course).
By the way, our home is under siege by a cardinal. Every morning for the past five days, I've been woken up by this stupid bird flying into the bedroom window repeatedly. According to this animal behavior website I found, the cardinal has decided that it likes our house and wants us out of it. So basically, an idiotic bird is harassing us and there's nothing we can do about it. Henry thinks it's funny, but that's only because it's not *his* window that the bird flies into. If this keeps up, I might have you try to use Legolas' bow and arrows on the damned cardinal when you get home.
*****
26.5.02
It was one year ago today that we broke up. What I wouldn't give to go back and retract that stupid kiss so that we never had to suffer those awful months of loneliness. I wish that I hadn't been so stubborn about refusing to call you, that I hadn't lied to you when we saw each other for reshoots, that I hadn't been in denial for so long about how much I wanted you back.
I know that what's done is done, and nothing we can say or do now can change the past or erase the pain we inflicted upon ourselves. We both screwed up equally, and we've long since forgiven each other for our mistakes. Still, it's terrifying to think that maybe we never would have come to our senses. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Ian hadn't divulged the truth about how you felt. What would have happened if we hadn't been locked in that hotel room and forced to lay our hearts bare before each other? Would I ever have had the nerve to tell you that I still loved you? Would you ever have found that same courage?
Obviously, I can't answer those questions. What I do know is that if we had never gotten back together, I never would have been able to find the kind of happiness that being with you brings me. During the time that we were apart, I was a pale imitation of myself; no matter what I tried, I couldn't enjoy life because I felt utterly alone after such a long time of being happy with you. That night in December when we talked and cried and took each other back will always be one of the most important nights of my life. It's the night I got the other half of my soul back.
I now cherish what we have together more than I ever did before. You make me happier than I ever thought possible, and every day that we spend together feels like some kind of heaven. We have our bad days and little arguments, just like every couple does, but we're so incredibly strong now that nothing will ever shake our foundations like that again. I love you beyond belief, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I miss you, my beloved, beloved Viggo.
*****
5-26-02
This is quite a melancholy anniversary to be marking, isn't it? But I suppose that remembering what happened at Cannes last year will help ensure that we never make the same mistakes again. Which is good, because the thought of losing you again is unbearable.
Even a year later, I still can't apologize enough for how I overreacted that night, how I didn't understand your fears and insecurities, and how my own fears and insecurities drove you away. The seven month separation we went through was the worst period of my life. That may sound melodramatic, but it's true. Of all the experiences I've had, losing your love was the most painful of all. I was convinced that we would never get back together again, and the fact that I'm lucky enough to have your love again is amazing to me.
I can't begin to tell you how important you are to me, or how much I treasure each day I spend with you. You have the most incredible heart and spirit of anyone I've ever met, and I feel blessed to have you as my partner. I love you with all of my heart, Orlando, and nothing will ever change that.
*****
29.5.02
Do you know what I had for breakfast today? Danish. Of course, it's not the type of Danish I usually like to eat (wink wink, nudge nudge). Sorry I'm a touch pervy today, but last night's phone sex was quite stimulating, and I've been lusting for your voice all day. Okay, I've been lusting for all of you, but that voice . . . it's insanely sexy. If you're thinking that I brought my 'Recent Forgeries' CD along with me so I can get off to it, you'd be right. I can't get enough of you. I miss you, my erotic, erotic Viggo.
*****
5-31-02
Jet lag is evil. This is the conclusion I came to upon waking up at eleven at night, ready to start a new day. In addition, it's really fucking cold in New Zealand right now, and I feel very homesick for the warmth of L.A. Okay, so it's obviously not all bad being here for reshoots -- Ian is here, and so are Lij, Sean, Andy, and Liv. Plus, I'm so glad that Henry came along with me, since he'll be spending most of the summer away from home (not to mention that I automatically become cooler to him when I'm playing Aragorn).
I wish you could come over to visit us, but I understand that you have to work. It'll be wonderful when we're both back in L.A. and have some time to ourselves. I'm so happy that you're enjoying the shoot in Australia, and I can't wait to see 'Ned Kelly' when it's released. I have to admit that I'm so used to you being Legolas that it'll be a bit odd to see you as another character, but you always do a great job. And now that you've played a bush ranger, we've both played rangers. Neat little coincidence, don't you think? Or maybe I'm just losing my mind.
*****
1.6.02
Remember when you surprised me by flying to London for Valentine's Day
last year? Well, now it's my turn to surprise you. I'm on a
plane from Sydney to Wellington right now, and I'll be seeing you very
soon. I hated to lie and say that I was filming, but I really want
to see the look on your face when I show up unexpectedly. Anyway,
the fact that you're reading this entry means that I'm obviously there
with you, so why don't you close the book and get naked with me?
Oh yeah, and I love you.
