"Oh, holy fuck!" Orli exclaims as he reads through my relationship journal. "Pokey destroyed the vibrator?"
I try to hold in my laughter as I pull a sweater over my head and turn to look at him perched on the bed of the hotel room. "Yeah, I left the room for a minute and when I got back, the vibrator had claw and bite marks that rendered it unfit for use. Pokey seemed very pleased with himself."
We both start cracking up, and Orli stands up to start getting dressed, shedding his towel from our earlier, very enjoyable shower. "What on earth would a cat want with a sex toy?"
"I don't think Pokey understood that it was a sex toy, love," I laugh. "I think he was more excited that it was something new for him to destroy."
"So what do we do now?" he asks as he quickly darts naked through the connecting doors to his hotel room to grab clothes from his suitcase. "Use the nearest phallic object when we need something like that?"
"Actually, I found an easier solution."
"What? I mean, we can't just walk into a sex shop and buy a dildo, Vig. People would recognize us."
"I know that." A grin crosses my face as I watch Orli hop gracelessly around the room in a struggle to get his legs into his legs.
"So what did you come up with, o master problem solver? Ha, I did it!" he crows as he finally dresses himself.
"I commissioned Exene to buy us a new vibrator. It'll be waiting for me when I get back from Denmark in late July."
"Are you serious?" He looks very scandalized. "Viggo, how am I ever going to look her in the eye again?"
"Orli, she already buys us our lube in bulk quantity," I remind him. "Besides, who else could I ask? A hobbit?"
"Could you imagine?" he snorts. "I think Lijah might faint dead away if we asked him to buy us a dildo. So I guess I can live with Exene making the purchase."
"If you can live with Exene buying the vibrator, I can live with you telling your sister about our sex life," I tease, remembering what I read in his journal last night after he fell asleep early.
Orli turns a deep shade of crimson. "I explained in the journal that I was drunk on rum."
"You and rum don't mix very well," I say sympathetically.
"You're not narked, are you?"
"I'm not really upset. Just don't divulge any new juicy tidbits to Sam, okay?" I laugh, grabbing the room key. "Do you have your key?"
"Oh . . . um . . ." Orli searches through his pockets for his key, then crawls on the floor before finding it under the bed. "Okay yeah, I got it. I have no clue how it ended up there."
"I don't want to know," I chuckle.
"And I remembered to suitably muss up my bed so it looks slept in," he says proudly as he closes the doors between our rooms. "Which means that we're all ready to go and pick up Henry."
"And then spend a day as Legolas and Aragorn."
"Exactly." He gives me a blinding smile and kisses me full on the mouth. "After you, filthy human."
"Thank you, prissy elf," I tell him, opening the door. "Let's go to work."
*****
"Look at this stud!" Karl laughs, wrapping his arms around Orli and patting his chest. "Been hitting the gym with Mr. Pitt, have you? You feel rock solid, my boy."
"Uh, thanks," Orli stammers.
I grin from my position on my couch. After a hectic day of filming reshoots, pretty much everyone has retired to Pete and Fran's house for an evening of much-needed relaxation. Now that Karl has spotted Orli's new and improved physique, I know that much ribbing is about to take place.
"It's really quite something!" John booms as he looks at my boyfriend in a shirt that inadvertently showcases his new muscles. "Charles Atlas would be proud."
"He really does look like a Greek god," Billy muses. "A classical Casanova. An adorable Adonis."
"Oh, cut it out," Orli mutters, blushing furiously as he pulls away from Karl's hug and tries to work his way over to me.
"My question is what does that incredibly buff and toned chest look like when the shirt is off?" Lij asks as he bounds across the room with an impish grin on his face.
Orli shrieks in a very comical manner as he finds the hem of his shirt suddenly yanked over his head by a hobbit, and engages in a furious battle with Lij for possession of the garment. He ends up losing the fight, and Lij clutches the shirt to his chest like a trophy. "Fine, is this what you wanted to see?" Orli asks, gesturing to his pecs and stomach.
"Oh my God, Orli!" Liv wails, looking greatly distressed as she takes in the sight before her. "What happened to the skinny kid who came to New Zealand four years ago to become Legolas? You look like an underwear model now!"
"I'm still the same person," Orli assures her, making a futile grab for his shirt. "I'm just a bit more muscular than I used to be."
"A *bit* more muscular?" Henry cackles. "That's the understatement of the year."
"I think this body is going to be the real selling point of 'Troy'," Ian tells Orli with a wink. "With no disrespect to any of your co-stars, especially our beloved Bean, I think it'll be Orlando here who draws the most audience members to the film."
"Agreed," Pete says with a nod. "Helen of Troy may have had the face that launched a thousand ships, but this 'Troy' has Orlando, whose torso can sell a million tickets."
"Thank you for that vote of confidence," Orli laughs, pulling his shirt over his head after finally snatching it away from Lij. This earns groans from Miranda, Fran, Liv, and Ian, all of whom apparently wanted Orli to remain shirtless for the entire evening. "Sorry guys, but the free show is over," he tells them, grinning widely as he plops down on the couch next to me.
"Ah well, it was fun while it lasted," Ian sighs.
"You know Orli, I've never really been attracted to men before, but you might have just changed that," Sean teases. "If I weren't married to Christine, I'd probably hitting on you right now." Everyone starts cracking up, and Orli blushes beneath his tan.
"I hate to burst your bubble, mate, but I'm spoken for," he says as he wraps an arm around me.
"Yeah, and if you even think of trying to steal Orli away, my dad will go crazy on your ass with a sword," Henry tells Sean with a grin, provoking more laughter.
"I'm very possessive of my elf," I explain. "You really don't want to incur my wrath by stealing my boyfriend."
"And nobody would ever really try to do that," Sean laughs. "We all know better."
"Yeah, you're the official couple of the movie," Fran reminds us. "You made sure that Aragorn and Legolas had some of the best chemistry in the trilogy."
"That's right," Miranda agrees. "Onscreen it looked like no matter how hard Eowyn tried to make a pass at Aragorn, he was like, 'Sorry babe; gotta flirt with the strumpet from Mirkwood.'"
"Yes, well we all know that Viggo prefers pretty male elves," Orli says proudly as he looks up at me with a smile.
"I certainly do," I laugh.
*****
"How tired are you feeling?" I ask Orli, slipping my arms around him from behind in my hotel room.
"Not very. Why, what are you thinking of doing, old man?" He turns to face me and places his palm on my neck. "Something risque, perhaps?"
"Something along those lines," I laugh, pulling him closer.
His smile fades for a second. "Actually Vig, there's something I want to talk to you about if that's okay."
I frown, my hands rubbing up and down his back in reassurance. "What's the matter, love?"
"Well . . ." He breaks our embrace and walks over to the bed, sitting down with a sigh. "I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you to freak out. Can you just try not to freak out?"
"Of course," I say, starting to get really nervous about whatever is upsetting him. I go over to sit next to him on the bed, hoping that maybe closeness will relax one or both of us.
He sighs again. "You remember how I made you that vow on your birthday about stopping my daredevil stuff? You know, the bungee-jumping and all those activities?"
My blood runs cold for a second at the thought that Orli might want to renege on the promise and start his crazy activities again. Those always used to make me so stressed out. But I keep my face neutral and simply say, "Sure, I remember that."
"Well, I kind of broke the promise, but not really."
"What?!" Orli looks at me fearfully and I realize that I might have shouted just now. "What does that even mean, 'I kind of broke the promise, but not really'?"
"I did this thing in Malta called cliff-jumping and--:
"Cliff-jumping? You jumped off of a fucking cliff?!" I stand up and pace angrily around the room.
"It wasn't really a cliff, Viggo."
"Then why do they call it cliff-jumping?"
Orli stands up as well, running an anxious hands through his curls. "It was more like jumping off of a rock into the sea; it was only about a third of the height of one of my bungee jumps. Trust me, it was nothing major."
"Were there any safety restraints or was it just you jumping off of a big rock into the ocean?" I ask.
"Um, there weren't any safety restraints," he mumbles.
"Well, that's just great," I say sarcastically. "And did you even think to call me, or was it your plan the entire time to go behind my back for one last thrill?"
"It wasn't like that!" he insists. "It was a spur-of-the-moment thing I did with a crew guy."
"Couldn't you have waited a day just so you could have called me? The cliff and the ocean weren't going to go anywhere, Orlando. If you had called, at least we could have discussed this so you wouldn't have sneaked around like you did."
"Listen, I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I can't take it back," he says.
"I just . . . why did you make that promise if you couldn't keep it? You know how much I worry when you do things like that and yet you did another jump despite promising not to." I look at him in incomprehension. "Do I mean that little to you?"
"It's not that at all! It was a stupid thrill, Vig! It was a lark, and I shouldn't have done it, okay? What else do you want me to say? I'm apologizing, so could you just accept it?"
"But I don't get it, Orli -- why do you do it?" I persist. "Don't you know how dangerous it is? People only get so many chances in life. Haven't you ever seen the scar on your own back?" Shit, did I really just say that? I am such a jerk. I can't believe I brought up The Fall.
Orli is quiet for a long while, looking straight at me with an unreadable expression. "I'm going to be in the other room," he says softly, walking towards the connecting doors. "If I were you, I'd leave me alone for a while."
"Listen Orli, that came out all wrong," I try to explain.
"Viggo, please just give me a little time, alright?" He goes into the other room and closes the door, effectively cutting me off from him.
I feel so many things, from hurt and angry and betrayed that he went 'cliff-jumping', to really, really guilty about what I just said to him. But I need to take my mind off of this right now. I need to give him his time.
*****
The phone is ringing. Okay, I'm awake, I can move over to answer the phone. "Hello?"
"Hello, Mr. Mortensen," says a woman with a New Zealand accent. "This is your wake-up call."
"Thank you," I mumble, managing to hang up the phone. Wow, it's light out so it must be morming. I guess I fell asleep in my clothes. Well, I should probably get up so that I can wake up Orli; he must still be in the other room. I hope he's willing to talk, because I don't think I could stand going much longer knowing that he's upset with me. I'm not upset with *him* anymore, and I've accepted his apology.
Taking a deep breath in an effort to summon energy, I roll over only to be greeted by the smiling eyes of . . . "Orli?!"
"Morning," he says sleepily.
"What are you doing in here?"
"Waking up next to you."
"I thought you were sleeping in the other room." This is all very confusing to my sleep-addled brain.
"I was going to," he admits. "But then I realized that we had just spent two months sleeping apart and I had felt so lonely. Why would I let a tiff separate us like that? I popped back in here to talk, but you were already sleeping and looked so peaceful, so I didn't wake you. I just got in bed with you and fell asleep."
"Orli, I'm so sorry about the thing I said last night. I didn't mean to bring that up and I know how much it upsets you." He acts all blase about The Fall around almost everyone, pretending that while it was a big deal, he doesn't think much about it now, except for the scar that he shows off to prove how 'unaffected' by the incident he is. I know better, though. He still gets nervous around certain places like terraces and balconies, which remind him of what happened, and he's even had some nightmares over the past few years.
He smiles slightly, running a hand over my cheek. "I know you didn't mean to say it but I can understand *why* you said it. And it did hurt that you brought up The Fall, but I got over it and I accept your apology. Besides, if I hadn't been such a tosser and jumped off of that cliff, you wouldn't have needed to say that," he adds.
"That's hardly the point."
"I made a promise to you, Viggo," he tells me seriously. "I truly intended to keep it, and I wasn't able to. But that doesn't mean that I'm giving up on that promise. If anything, I take it more seriously now than I did before our fight last night. I saw how scared for my safety you got and I don't want you to have to worry about me like that. I really promise that I'm not going to do anything stupid again; you have to believe me."
"I believe you," I say softly, reaching out to drape an arm around his waist. "I just get scared, Orli. I don't want anything to happen to you."
"Nothing will happen to me, because I'm not going to do that stuff anymore," he promises. "The days of Orlando-idiocy are over, finito, done, and I'm sorry for breaking your trust like that."
"Apology accepted. Just don't do it again," I warn.
"I won't." He kisses me softly. "I don't want you to be upset, Vig."
"It's not just me you're doing this for," I tell him. "You need to be around for yourself and everyone you care about."
"Even the one who isn't here yet?" Orli grins and kisses me again, running a finger over my beard. "I almost got teary when I read your journal entry about how thrilled you are that we're planning to have a child. You really are the sweetest man in the world, you know that? I love you so much, Viggo."
"I love you too, Orli," I murmur, pulling him as close as possible for another kiss.
"So," he says when we finally break apart, "can we move past this now?"
"We definitely can," I tell him with a smile.
"Good. I think the first step in the healing process--"
"The healing process?" I snort.
"The first step in the healing process," he says again, glaring at me, "should be a shower together, just like we had yesterday. It's perfect after a disagreement for fostering unity and erections."
I start cracking up at his insanity, even though I should be used to it by this point. "I like the way you think, elf boy." My laughter intensifies as he starts to undress me while I continue lying in bed.
"I like the way you laugh, old man," Orli says, standing up to strip his own clothes off. He reaches down and extends me his hand, and I allow myself one last indulgent yawn before getting out of bed. "Race you!" he suddenly exclaims before sprinting away from me.
"What? Orli . . ." Too late. He's already in the bathroom, laughing his head off as he starts the shower. I have to laugh as well while I walk slowly to the bathroom. "You're insane."
"I've never denied this." Orli adjusts the temperature of the spray and steps into the shower, then turns to me with an unabashed come-hither look in his eyes. "Care to soap me up?" he asks in an exaggeratedly suggestive voice.
I grin widely and join him in the shower. "Like I'd ever say no
to that request."
