There's something about the way Orli looks when he first wakes up that never fails to make me smile. I'm sitting on the couch with the newspaper in my hand, reading the arts section, when the padding of footsteps down the hall makes me look up. A wide grin spreads across my face as I see my love coming into the living room, still yawning and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He's wearing the tee-shirt and pajama pants that he slept in, his curls mussed up and sticking out in every conceivable direction. How on earth could I not smile at that?
"You finally woke up," I tease, taking my feet off of the cushions so he can sit down next to me.
"Yeah, I woke up bloody disoriented, wondering where my nice human pillow had gone." He joins me on the couch, returning my lazy smile as I wrap an arm around him. "What was the rush to get out of bed on a Saturday morning, Vig?"
"I felt like reading the paper."
"And you couldn't do that in bed?" he pouts.
"Well, once I got up to get the paper from the front door, I decided that it would be easier to just read it on the couch. Besides, I knew that I'd just wake you if I read it in bed, and I didn't want to do that."
Orli smiles and leans in for a kiss. "You're too sweet for words."
"I try."
"Is Henry still asleep?" he asks, grabbing a section of the newspaper to leaf through.
"What do you think?" I laugh. "He's fifteen and it's a Saturday; he won't be up until noon."
"Wow, it's already November," Orli remarks, looking at the date on the paper.
"Yup, November first."
"I didn't even realize that," he says with a shake of his head. "I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. It's insane, man. How the fuck does time flash by so quickly?"
"I don't know. It's hard to believe that there's only two more months left in the year." As soon as I say the words, I realize something -- there's also only two more months until Orli and I come out. After all, we decided two years ago that January of 2004 would be the date when we finally announced to the world that we're together; at the time it seemed so far away, but now it suddenly hits me that it's right around the corner.
The truth is that I'm ready to come out. That's a far cry from where I was a few years ago, but after countless discussions with Orli, as well as with my friends and family, I really feel as if I've overcome the fears that plagued me for so long. The prospect of the world knowing that I love another man no longer makes me feel paralyzed by fear. And after all this time together, it's not fair to either myself or Orli to keep this secret any longer.
I know that he's ready for this, too. He has been from the beginning. At times, I've felt like the biggest jerk in the world for holding him back when he wants to be open about what we have together. We both know that coming out will make us the target of everything from tabloid headlines to hate mail, and that we're taking a huge risk as far as what it will do to our careers; but what really matters to us is that we're able to live our lives freely and not bow to the pressures and prejudices of those who would disapprove of us.
Yet for all this enthusiasm about coming out, there's one small problem with the issue. We're two months away from the big date and we don't have a plan in place for *how* we're going to exit the closet and step out into the harsh glare of the spotlight. In fact, we haven't even discussed how we want to come out. We just said that January would be it, and that's that. But now that January is approaching, we need to get just a little bit more specific as to what we're going to do.
Looking at Orli, I can see that he's blissfully unaware of what I'm pondering. He's reading the travel section of the paper, chewing his lip while intense interest shines in his eyes. I smile and reach over to tousle his hair. "What are you reading about?"
He grins. "They've got this whole article on travelling to Malta. It's so neat to read about, because they've mentioned a few places where we filmed. You really should see it someday, Viggo; it's absolutely breathtaking."
"Maybe we'll go there for a vacation at some point. You've raved about it so much, and those pictures you took from the shoot were enough to convince me that it's worth the airfare."
"We need to take a trip," he says firmly. "I don't care if we go to New Zealand again or if we go to England or to Africa or wherever, but we need to get away, just the two of us."
"I definitely agree."
"So what's going on in the world of art?" he asks, gesturing to the section of the paper that sits in my lap.
"To tell you the truth, I kind of got distracted by what we were talking about a few minutes ago."
"What were we talking about?" His brow creases as he tries to remember the topic of conversation.
"That the year only has two months left," I chuckle.
Orli grins sheepishly. "Oh, yeah. What about it?"
"Well, uh, in January we're going to come out. And when I realized that there were only two more months left in the year, I realized that it also meant there are only two months until we come out."
"You're not rethinking anything, are you?" he asks with a frown. "I mean, we've talked about this--"
"No, I'm not reconsidering, love," I assure him. "I'm more committed to what we've decided than ever before. But we need to figure out a way to come out, because we don't have any kind of strategy so far for how to do that and we really need one."
He sighs and folds up the newspaper, putting it down on the coffee table. "Fuck, you're right. I guess it's just one of those things I always thought we'd talk about 'when the time came', not realizing how quickly that time was sneaking up on us."
"I know, I didn't realize it either."
"So what do you want to do?" I mean, do you have any ideas?"
"Not really," I admit. "The thing that makes it complicated is that we're not just outing ourselves sexually, we're outing the relationship also. That means it has to be something we do together; it can't be a simple solo interview, like how Ian did it."
"We could do a press release," he suggests. "Just a simple statement that would make everything clear."
"That's a bit impersonal, don't you think?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, coming out is something that will change our life; just sending out a piece of paper that says, 'yeah, we're bi and we're together' doesn't seem to convey how important it is."
"Yeah, that's true." His face scrunches up in concentration. "Fuck, I can't think of anything else, though. My mind's drawing a blank."
"To tell you the truth, I don't have any stellar ideas either. But we don't have to decide what we're doing this morning."
Orli raises his eyebrows. "Maybe not this morning, but as we acknowledged, January is just two short months away."
"So, we'll figure it out by then. Don't worry, Orlando -- we'll work it out."
A smile spreads across his face and he leans in to kiss me. "Okay, I won't worry."
"Good. Everything will be fine."
*****
"We could just go somewhere together," I suggest. It's later that evening and we're working on dinner, still thinking about the issue of how best to announce to the world that we're together, bisexual, and very happy.
"Explain." Orli looks at me curiously as he continues to chop zucchini.
"Well, we could go to a restaurant together and simply act like any other couple. Given how affectionate we are, people would have to be absolutely idiotic not to draw the right conclusion. Oh, and can you pass me the pepper?" He smiles and hands me the pepper grinder so I can add some flavor to the chicken breasts. "What do you think of that idea?"
"It's on the right track," he says.
"But?"
"It's not an *announcement*. It's just gossip fodder. We're showing up at some place, behaving like we do at home--"
"Not like we do at home," I correct. If we did *that* in public, we'd be arrested for public lewdness."
Orli snickers. "Okay, your point is noted. But still, it's not really announcing anything; it's more daring the public to speculate about our lives. The kind of 'are they or aren't they?' type of shit I went through with Kate. I think that whatever we do has to be a bit more formal than that. We have to actually *say* something to people and confirm that we're together, say how long we've been together, and so on."
"Yeah, you're right." I sigh, feeling extremely frustrated by my inability to come up with an idea that would solve our dilemma. "Back to the drawing board, huh?"
"I guess so." Orli looks similarly frustrated. "Maybe we should call Ian and see if he has any ideas. You know, maybe he had a backup plan he didn't use."
"What are you guys talking about?" Henry questions as he walks into the kitchen. He strolls to the refrigerator and grabs a soda, then looks at the two of us curiously.
"Grownup stuff," I tease.
"Come on," he whines. "What's the issue?"
"We're trying to figure out exactly how to do something," Orli says, tossing the zucchini into a skillet.
"Yeah, and that's not vague or anything," my son says with a roll of his eyes.
Orli and I look at each other with a smile. "Okay," I laugh. "We have to figure out how we're going to come out in January."
"That's easy," Henry tells us. "Hold a press conference."
"A press conference?" My stomach churns at the thought of facing dozens of vulture-like reporters and live news cameras while announcing my sexuality to the world. Looking over at Orli, I can see that he's similarly squeamish about Henry's well-meaning suggestion. "Um, I'm not sure if that's quite what we're going for, Henry."
"Why not?"
"It's sort of inviting a circus atmosphere to ourselves," Orli explains. "Of course coming out will put us in the spotlight, but a press conference would have this 'hey, look at us!' quality to it."
"Oh. Gotcha." Henry looks disappointed that his idea has been shot down.
"Listen, we can't think of anything at all either," Orli says to him. "We're a bit lost. So thank you for the idea, because it's really sweet of you to want to help, but I'm afraid it's not what we're looking for."
"Do you have *any* idea what you're going to do?"
"None whatsoever," Orli admits.
"Well, keep brainstorming," Henry says. "I'm sure that something will eventually come to you."
"Not at this rate," I sigh.
"Come on, Dad. Don't get all discouraged just because you're not thinking of anything right this minute."
"I'll try not to. Any other filial advice?" I ask with a smile.
He grins back at me. "Not at the moment. I'll let you grownups figure this one out."
"Thanks."
*****
"So what do you want to do, Vig?" Orli sighs. It's several days later and we're having a quiet breakfast together, still stymied by the question of how best to out ourselves.
"Maybe we could do some sky-writing. You know, use a plane to write 'Viggo loves Orli' above the Hollywood sign," I tease.
"Yeah, that would work," he snorts. "Why don't we just send some of our more intimate photos to the news organizations?"
"I'm sure they'd get a big kick out of them," I laugh.
"Seriously, it shouldn't be this difficult to think of a way to come out," he says. "I guess we could always postpone coming out until February or March if we don't figure something out."
I shake my head vehemently. "No, that's insane. We should be able to come up with something by January. Besides, that's the date we set and I want to stick to it."
"Okay, that's fair enough," Orli laughs. "Plus, the Oscars have been bumped up to February, so if we're out by then I can show up with you as my handsome date on the red carpet." Wait a second. The red carpet. That's it!
"I got it!" I exclaim, making him jump a little in surprise. "The Golden Globe Awards are in January, right?"
"Of course."
"Well, I know that we'll both be invited because 'Return of the King' is guaranteed to nominated. Why not show up together? There will be plenty of reporters there, so if anyone asks any questions, we'll simply tell them the truth about the fact that we're together."
Orli's eyes widen. "You want to come out at an awards show? On the red carpet? Are you insane? You don't even *go* to awards shows!"
"I know, but it seems to make sense somehow," I say with a grin. "What do you think?"
He thinks for a minute, but I can see a grin playing at the edges of his mouth. Finally, a wide smile breaks across his face. "I think it's perfect."
"Yeah? You really do?" I can't rein in the excitement in my voice. This idea hit me like a whirlwind just now, and I'm thrilled that Orli thinks it's what we should do.
"Viggo, it's exactly what we're trying to accomplish. People will know that we're together but we won't be making a spectacle of ourselves. We'll show up hand-in-hand at an event that millions of people will be watching. No one will be able to misinterpret what we mean to each other, but we'll arrive on the red carpet just like any other couple. And the gossip factor I was worried about before isn't a problem, since, as you mentioned, there are swarms of reporters who will be asking if we're really a couple, to which we'll just say, 'yes, we are.'"
I sigh in relief. "So that's it? That's our plan?"
"That's our plan," he says, that grin still on his face.
I reach out and grab his hand, pulling him out of his chair and into my lap. He immediately gives me a loving kiss, tasting of orange juice and blueberry yogurt. "I can't wait for January," I tell him when our mouths pull apart.
The smile on his face is priceless. "It's only two months away. And then we can be ourselves and be honest about who we love."
"Regardless of the consequences," I say with a smile.
"That crap won't bring us down," Orli vows. "People can say all the hateful and hurtful things they want, they can send the nasty letters and so on, but it won't change the fact that we have each other. *That's* what matters."
He's exactly right. And now there's only two more months until
I can finally tell the world that I'm lucky enough to love and be loved
by this incredible man.
