"Okay, this is a simple shot," Pete tells us.  "Just a wide shot where Viggo kicks the Orc helmet out of anger and mourning.  So Orlando and Brett, just stand there with your faces slightly down-turned in grief.  Everybody got it?"

I nod, as do Viggo and Brett Beattie, John's scale double; we just want to get this done quickly.  The smoke machine they set up in the pile of 'Orc corpses' stinks right now, and I'd give anything to head to the lunch tent and grab a sandwich.

"Alright, and action!" Pete calls, his command echoed by one of his assistants.

Viggo swings his foot back a bit and kicks the helmet squarely.  To everyone's surprise, he lets out a cry of grief and sinks to his knees, clenching his fists.  Wow.  That works nicely, and I'm awed once more by his acting instincts.

"Cut!  Perfect!" PJ enthuses.  "Really Viggo, that was great.  You captured Aragorn's--"

"That wasn't planned," Viggo says through gritted teeth.  "I hurt my foot."  No!  Please don't be hurt!

The on-set medic immediately rushes to his side, and Viggo peels off his boot and sock to reveal a big toe that's already starting to swell.  "I think you broke it," the medic says.  "Your day is over."

"Aw, fuck!" Viggo cries.  "I can keep going, it's not a problem!"  He really is ridiculously dedicated to his work.

Pete chuckles.  "If it's really broken, you have to go to the hospital.  As much as I hate to waste the rest of the day, the medic is right.  Do you want anyone to go with you?"  God bless our director for his craftiness; none of the crew knows about my relationship with Viggo, and Pete's question won't arouse any suspicion.

"Orlando, do you mind tagging along?" Viggo asks.

"Not at all," I say with a slight smile.  "But let me take the elf costume off before we go anywhere."

*****

"Who was on the phone?" I ask as I walk back into the bedroom.  Viggo's lying on the bed with his injured foot propped up on a cushion, his broken toe set with a small splint and covered with an ice-pack.  The hospital visit was uneventful, although I nearly bared my teeth at a nurse who was flirting shamelessly with my man.

"It was Pete.  He was looking at the dailies and wanted to know if he could use the shot where I broke my toe.  He thinks it's believable for Aragorn to yell like that."

"How ironic," I laugh.  "What'd you tell him."

"I told him to use it.  Although it's strange to think that when the movie comes out, millions of people will see me breaking my toe."  He pauses.  "Are you holding ice cream?"

"Chocolate.  And it's not 'that soy shit', as you call it."

"You're the best," he says with a grin.

"Yeah, I know."  I kiss him after sitting down on the bed.  "Now open wide," I instruct, holding up a spoonful of ice cream.

Viggo arches an eyebrow and gives me an incredulous look.  "You're going to *spoonfeed* me ice cream?" he asks.

"Are you complaining?"

"No, just surprised."

"Good.  Once again, open wide."  He dutifully obeys, and I prove myself to be the world's most considerate boyfriend as I spoonfeed an entire bowl of chocolate ice cream to my broken-toed lover.

"That was sweet," he says with a grin.  "And I'm not talking about the ice cream."

I return his grin and then kiss him, still tasting the chocolate on his tongue.  "Well, you taste good," I inform him.  "And I'm not talking about the ice cream either.  In fact, if memory serves, you taste good all over."  Once the bowl is safely on the nightstand, I straddle his hips and pull off his tee-shirt.  "I get to be on top."

"Why?"

"Because you need to keep your foot on that cushion if you want to get back to work soon."

"You're an evil, manipulative man," he tells me.

"Thank you."  I rock my hips against his, and he groans.  Leaning down to kiss him, I'm distracted by pounding on the front door.

"Let us in!  We wanna see the broken-toed wonder!"  Hobbits.  Damn them.

"They always manage to have perfect timing, don't they?" Viggo asks archly.

Instead of answering, I roll off the bed and walk through the house as my brain fervently tries to figure out a way of disposing with the fearsome foursome as quickly as possible.  All of them are standing at the door, Dom clutching a plastic shopping bag and Sean holding a box of sweets.  "Can I help you?" I query.

"We came to see your better half," Billy says.  Without waiting for an invitation, Dom and Lij walk into the house and start searching for him.

"He's in the bedroom," I sigh.  "Don't give him too hard a time."

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" I hear Lij cry indignantly from the bedroom.  "You guys were doing stuff, weren't you?"

"We were planning on it if you hadn't interrupted us," Viggo answers without embarrassment as I walk into the room.  "So what's with the visit?"

"We're the foot patrol, making the world safe for toes everywhere," Dom solemnly intones.

"Seriously, you broke a toe from *acting*?" Billy laughs.  "Only you could injure yourself like that."

"What, like I'm the first person on this production to get an injury?" Viggo asks.

"Well, to cheer you up, we brought you some gifts.  Of course, we can see that Orli was well on his way to cheering you up, but these should make you feel better, too."

"Thanks."

"First we have some candy," Sean says as he tosses me the box of sweets.  "It's expensive, so use it well."

"Yes, Samwise," Viggo laughs.

"Then we would like to present you with a stuffed chipmunk that we found at the candy shop and thought was cute," Lij says.  "And last but not least . . . hobbit feet!"

"Yeah, we stole a pair from costuming," Dom explains as he hands the plastic bag with the chipmunk and the feet to Viggo.  "So next time you think your toe is bad off, just remember what our feet go through every day."

"Thank you all," Viggo says with a smile.  "This was really nice of you."

Sean grins back at him.  "You're welcome.  Now we'll leave you and Orli alone to do . . . stuff."

"Probably oral," Dom says, and Billy nods his head in agreement.

"Out!" I cry, shepherding them to the door.

"Oh, and don't use those chocolates in an inappropriate manner," Sean tells me.

"Out!"

"Don't molest the chipmunk!" Lij yells as I push them out of the house.

"Freaks," I mutter as I walk back to the bedroom.  "Now where was I?"

"Exactly where you should always be," Viggo laughs.  "Kissing me."

"Ah, yes."  Before reaching the bed, I've hastily taken all of my clothes off, and as I climb back onto the mattress and resume my snogging session with Viggo, my hands work at his pants.  When I start pulling them off, he breaks a kiss to wince in pain.  "What's the matter?"

"Could you just be a little more careful when you pull my jeans over my foot?"

"Sorry," I mumble sheepishly.  Once his pants and boxers have been successfully -- and painlessly -- removed, I press my body against his and shudder from the luxurious feeling of skin on skin.  "I recall something about you tasting good all over," I say as I begin to kiss his neck.  "You don't mind if I test that theory, do you?"

"Not at all."  Damn, his voice can get husky.  I nibble down his neck and then use my tongue to slide across his collarbone and down an arm.  Each of his fingers gets drawn into my mouth for some serious sucking, and Viggo is squirming on the mattress, doubtlessly wishing I'd apply my talents elsewhere on his body.  I move to his chest, licking and biting at his nipples until he's letting out small grunts of pleasure.  "You're killing me, Orli," he groans.

I laugh and kiss down his flat stomach, swirling my tongue around his navel before moving down to take his erection in my mouth.  Viggo gasps and thrusts his hips up instinctively; my hands immediately go to his body, stilling his movement.  "Tease," he accuses in a choked voice.  I chuckle as I slide my mouth down his cock, letting him pass into my throat.  It's taken a while, but I've finally become skilled enough to deep-throat my, ahem, rather well-endowed boyfriend.

While I work diligently at sucking Viggo to orgasm, my own cock begins to stiffen as a result of his insanely sexy moans.  Instead of touching myself, I keep my hands on his hips so he can't thrust into my mouth; he may accuse me of torturing him, but I know he loves this.  I've set a rhythm that he's definitely enjoying, as I pull back so I can let my tongue play around the head before taking him all the way in again.

My arousal is becoming uncomfortable, and I rub against the warm sheets, desperate for any kind of friction.  One of my hands leaves his hip, and I trace a finger over his balls before nudging the entrance to his body.  Yeah, that does the trick.  He lets out a loud gasp and cries my name as he comes, and I eagerly swallow all he can give me.  Call me a pervert if you must, but I love his taste.

"I was right," I say as I pull away from his body.  "You definitely taste good all over."

"Mmm," Viggo murmurs.  "And what about you?  Need a hand?"  He gestures towards my cock, now dripping with need.

"More like a mouth, you wanker."

"Sorry, I don't need to 'wank' after that lovely piece of oral craftsmanship you just performed."

"Hmph."

"What was that?" he asks with a laugh.  "Is someone feeling put-out?"

"For Christ's sake, would you just blow me already?!"

Viggo laughs harder.  "Poor Orlando.  Come here, love."  He arranges my body so that my knees are on either side of his head and I can feed him my cock.  "Now ask nicely--"

"Please suck me," I say curtly.

"With pleasure."  Oh, the rapture that is a blow job by Viggo.  I could write a sonnet about the suction alone, but I think I'll leave the poetry to him.  Strong hands are gripping my thighs so he can lift his head up a bit and take me in deeper, and he doesn't flinch when I reflexively buck my hips.  One of my hands tangles in that soft hair while the other grips the headboard, and his blue eyes look up at me.

I'm biting my lip in an effort to keep myself quiet, but I whimper when Viggo pulls away.  "Why are you stopping?"

"Because I want to hear you moan," he tells me with a wicked grin.  "Don't hold it back, Orli."  With that, his mouth envelops me again, and I *do* moan.  Very loudly.  He sucks harder in response, which only leads to more moans.  I'm babbling as well, probably none of it coherent, but coherency is severely overrated at times like this.

His eyes never leave mine, and the intensity of his gaze makes me feel more naked than I already am.  God only knows how he can do this without having to look, but I guess that's what twenty years of practice will do.  My body starts shaking and he slows his ministrations, apparently keen on being sadistic.

"Vig . . . evil," is all I can manage to say.

Viggo chuckles around my cock, and the vibrations are all I need to tumble over the edge, coming into his mouth with a strangled moan.  Still shaking, I fall backwards onto his body, and I hear an "oof", followed by an "ow!"

"What?" I ask as I float in a post-orgasmic haze.

"My toe . . . Orli, you're on my foot."

"Oh, shit!" I cry, rolling off of him.  "I'm sorry, Viggo."

He laughs a bit and then grimaces.  "It's okay.  Could you pick the ice-pack up off the floor?  It fell off when you were, um, servicing me."

I snicker and then pick up the ice-pack.  "It's melted.  I'll get you another one."

"Forget it.  It doesn't hurt that much right now; I think playtime with you is more effective than painkillers anyway."

"Glad I could help."  I find my discarded boxers and put them back on, ignoring Viggo's noise of protest.  "So from now on when you get hurt, I'll have to make you feel better using my own brand of medicine."

"Right.  Next time I get injured on-set, I'll be sure to tell Pete that I don't need medical attention, just Orli-attention.  Do you think that'll go over well?"

I grin and wrap an arm around him.  "It's worth a shot.  Just as long as it's made clear that you're the only one who gets Orli-attention."

"I better be the only one!" he exclaims with mock indignation.  "Otherwise people will start kicking Orc helmets all over the set just to try and get a piece of you!"

"And you'll fend them off, right?  You'll be my ranger in shining armor?"  I bat my eyes at him and he laughs.

"Yes, I'll save the pretty elf from all the lecherous cast and crew members."

"And the pretty elf will love the ranger forever and ever in return."

"And with the blessing of our fairy godmother -- in this case, Ian -- we'll live happily ever after."  He kisses me softly.

"I love that story."

"Yeah, so do I.  It's a beautiful story."

The broken-toed ranger and the mohawked elf.  What a beautiful story indeed.
 

Back to Random Insanity