
This page is almost, but not quite, entirely pointless. It's a random collection of song lyrics, quotes, random bits of writing and the occasional really, really bad poem. This may take a while. Everything is by me, unless otherwise noted. Commentaries appear in African Green
This little beauty used to appear at the beginning of my website. I'm happy to say it scared off more people than it encouraged in.
For the ensuing delight of other visitors
Kindly keep your voices to a minimum
We can all whisper together
Please also turn off any noisy electrical, mechanical, technical or thaumatalogical devices
Including but not limited to:
Phones,
Quasi-phones
Laptops, palmtops, desktops, skulltops etcetera
Pagers of both directions
Walkmans, Squawkmans and all other musical projectors
Cameras and video cameras, of the common, digital and imp-powered varieties
Gameboys, Gamegirls and gender-neutral amusement inciters
Also
For the benefit of those not chained to such things
Keep all dogs, cats, rabbits, raccoons, small children and bog beasts on leads
Those not controlled and slash or silenced will be forcibly removed from the property and returned to you at your departure
Apart from the small children
Those we eat
They taste quite nice
Thank you for asking
Enjoy the show
Just curl up and die in a corner so you can put us out of your misery.
Just cause someone's omnipotent doesn't mean they have to care.
What’s inside is not what you see
It’s what you see through
The higher we strive to rise
The lower we feel ourselves sinking
The amusing thing here is that when I wrote this, I really hated it, but now I actually quite like it. It's all deep 'n' stuff.
We write for pleasure. We write our pain. We write whatever pours out of our minds from a world that’s not quite in step with the paces of this universe. We write whatever pours out of the tip of the pen or whatever flows from our fingertips. We write for our own satisfaction. We write to satisfy others. We write to inspire. We write to depress. We write to lift ourselves. We write to condemn others. To create is a need as strong as any other.
And now, for your enjoyment, a series of totally random and probably impossibly vague quotes from my various (un)published written works. None of which you can read, except for a few that I re-wrote, because shortly after this, my hard drive crashed and I lost everything. It's now an obituary.
It was one of those hopelessly annoying beeps that, when the device was made, someone would have listened to and said ‘that’s going to be a real pain in the ass every time it starts beeping’, but they went ahead and put it in there anyway. ~ Archangel
“Oi!” one of them yelled, winning the prize for originality. “You broke his bloody arm!” ~ Looking Glass Badlands
“Squeak?”
“Goodnight, rat.”
“Squeak?”
“That’s gonna get real annoying, real fast.”
“Squeak?”
“Oh for the Gods sake, shut up.”
“Squeak?”
~ Blood Magic
There is a desert
It’s a big desert. In fact, it’s so big a desert that the word ‘big’ becomes obsolete and new words have to be thought of, like ‘expansive’, ‘enormous’, even, perhaps, ‘far as the eye can see’. ~ Scarlet
There’s something that could be a ribcage or the skeleton of a boat in there, and feathers, and bird skulls, and the bones of a horse’s forelegs, and a rather impressive set of talons on purple scaled paws, and a skein of raw silk, and a marble statue of some woodland nymph or ancient goddess, and a small brass model of the solar system, and the shell of a very large egg, and a ram’s skull, and a dried bee the size of a Labrador, and a number of butterflies pinned to things, and sheet music, and the inner workings of a piano, and an awful lot of cogs and wheels. If you laid on the floor at exactly the right point with your feet pointing at four degrees past north and your head on the chalk cross marked with a cursive P, and closed your left eye, it resolves itself that looks almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a very oddly dressed woman on a horse leaping a galleon in full sail that is trapped in mortal combat with a dragon. The sculptor was torn to pieces the moment he unveiled the work by a mob of angry art critics who didn’t get the joke. ~ Stretching My Wings
“Aw, c’mon, man. Live a little.”
“I’d like to live a little longer, actually, that’s why we shouldn’t be doing this…" ~ Love In Vein
“Seven.” She tells the spider, which spins silently in the corner of her window. “One for me. One for you. One for the white stag. One for the black dog. One for the lion, one for the unicorn and one for the fairy queen. Seven is just right.” ~ The Girl Upstairs
After fifteen years, the scorched ground has given up the feigned notion of infertility and become soft again, seeded by the few patches of rugged wild grasses and the scant remains of torched fields. In and among the last of the summer’s gold, head heavy with feral wheat, poppies spring like the drops of scarlet blood that stained this earth. A single tree has clawed its way out of the silk-soft corn that ripples like water in the wind; at the top of the rise a gnarled black crab apple waves its bristly hunter’s green fingers in the gentle breeze. Sometimes, a child will unhook the dappled pony from the plough and ride, bareback, to collect the sour fruit. ~ The Last Paladin
“You shot someone. You fucking shot someone in MY fucking CAR. My car. Not your car. My car. My Angel. My, genuine, vintage, fucking thaumatologically enhanced Lotus Elise.”
“Uh. Yeah." ~ Urban Arcana
No, for no apparant reason, a series of movie, TV and theatrical quotes. All from memory, so they may be highly inaccurate.
"Hand me my wallet. It's the one that says 'Bad Mothafucker' on it." ~ Pulp Fiction
"Silly Caucasian girl likes to play with Samurai swords." ~ Kill Bill Volume One
"When you left me to die on that God-forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow." ~ Pirates of the Carribbean
"Well, y'know, you're right, I am sick, I am confused, and I am afraid, I'm very afraid... but I still think you're the fucking anti-Christ." ~ Donnie Darko
"You have a womans legs, Milord!" ~ Black Adder
"And certainly when a man neglects the duties of the household he becomes painfully effeminate. I do hate it when men do that; It makes them so very attractive." ~ The Importance Of Being Earnest
"Hey, guys? There's a... red thingy... moving towards the... green thingy... I think we're the green thingy!" ~ Galaxy Quest
"I've got a Dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it! I'M A DONKEY ON THE EDGE!" ~ Shrek
"Us Dwarves are wasted on cross country. We're natural sprinters. Very dangerous over short distances." ~ Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
"Oh! And do you know how they get your brain out? They shove a sharp, red hot poker up your nose, scramble things about a bit and pull it all out through your nostrils!" ~ The Mummy
"My Dad is going to kick your ass." ~ The Mummy Returns
"Ohh... try it with more wine..." ~ Coupling
"I want to thank you. For protecting me yesterday. I mean, that's your job, isn't it? Protecting me. So yeah, thanks Bob. You don't mind if I call you Bob, do you? Course you don't. Knew a Bob once. He was ugly as a mule..." ~ The Last Samurai
"No, you don't understand. I saw him. A horseman. With no head. He had no head!" ~ Sleepy Hollow
"Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?" ~ Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
"Look. We set out to change the world, and all we ended up changing was ourselves!"
"Well, what's wrong with that, then?"
"Nothing... if you don't look at the world." ~ Velvet Goldmine (Best. Screen kiss. Ever. Don't argue.)
"The road of excess leads to the house of, of, fabulouslness!" ~ Party Monster
"Don't you feel that angora has a tactile sensuality not present in other fabrics?" ~ Ed Wood
"Maybe it's time women appeared on stage. After all, they've been doing it in France for years."
"Every time we decide to do something truly awful we always say the French have been doing it for years." ~ Stage Beauty
"Hey, if there's going to be any animal testing around here, I'm the one that's going to do it!" ~ Shrek 2
"Face it, girls. I'm older and I've got more insurance." ~ Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe
In GCSE and A-level art, there's a lot of 'personal' stuff... bits and pieces here and there that seek to bring out what makes up you... appearance, images, likes, dislikes, deep and meaningful thoughts, favourite type of candy, etcetera...
If I had my choice, there'd be only one way I'd try and explain myself to someone.
A soundtrack.
Track listing as follows:
1.