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Our Sad Lives
Tuesday, 2 November 2004

Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Only One - Yellowcard
Anna:

Oooh Jo's hurt me pretty bad. Stabbed in the back by my best mate. Now I know how Milly felt when Sonya betrayed her.
I don't even know if I can write in this any more cause Jo might tell Milly what I write bout her.
DON'T OK JO! These are my feelings. They're sposed to stay in my head - but I have a best mate who I can share it with. Normally.
On Saturday I told Jo some of the times Milly's hurt me. She's my best mate. Don't normally tell anyone these things cause I just sort of pretended they never happened cause Milly's good points make up for them enough, and she's had a hard life, I can understand why she'd get hurt easily and get angry at me easily. Told Jo. Thought she'd keep it secret. But no, she told Milly. Milly got real hurt by what I said. Said it made her feel worthless and stupid. I felt so incredibly bad. It was almost a physical pain. Then I was almost crying in Art and Sam asked what was up and I told her I got dumped on my birthday and fuck just thinking bout it and everything else and I started crying.
Sam took me to the toilets and yeah I cried and sorta told her some of it and she looked after me till it looked like I hadn't been crying then I went back to class.
At lunch Milly wouldn't talk to me then she went home.
In maths Sonya wrote me a note saying "if you're wondering why I'm not talking to you it's cause my best mate is leaving cause of you".
Yeah that's the first I heard of it. Milly might be pulling out of Napier Girls. Most likely will - she hates it so much here!
After school I went to Milly's house cause I felt so bad and wanted to make it up to her.
Soon as she saw me she opened the door and pointed out and got my stuff and put it in my bag. She was looking so fucking angry I was actually a little scared. I tried so hard to talk to her but she just kept pushing me away. I was crying.
She did say something like "Do you remember me telling you about my perfect girl? Who does all that stuff add up to?"
I said "Jo."
And she said "Yeah but the only reason I wouldn't go out with her is cause I wouldn't want her losing a best mate."
Hm.... No worries bout me being all sad cause she picked my best mate over me. No worries bout ME losing a best mate!
Then eventually she calmed down and yeah can't really remember what happened in the middle but it ended up with me offering her my gum (chewed up in my mouth lol) and we touched lips and kissed to pass her the gum. Then she said "this tastes like shit, u can have it back" so yeah kissed again to pass it back.
Then at some point I just grabbed her and gave her a quick kiss, then apologised. Then did it again. Then she grabbed me back and started full on hooking up with me. Fuck I'd missed that.
Then we went for a drive. She's a good driver :)
Well we left on a better note than we arrived on that's for sure!
She wants me to have Jo stay on the weekend so she can see her. Sweet as if that'll make her happy, fine, Jo can come. Well hey I'd wanna see Jo anyway... even though I'm cut cause she told Milly what I said but hey.
I'm mixed up.
I want her back. Obviously. But hey, like that'll happen. Jo'll come over this weekend and Milly will be all over her like last weekend and I'll end up depressed again but hey, I got no excuse to be jealous any more cause we don't go out.

On a happier note (not) exams tomorrow! Better go study!

Luv Heaps
Anz





Posted by scary/munchkin_pies at 6:48 PM
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