Oh, Sweet Friends of Mine
The Forum: Interesting things to talk about.
"My dad told me to get rid of my website because it was offensive and disrespectful. I guess I did that. I deleted it out of his favorites. Does that count?" - Fletcher
"If there's anything on this site that you wouldn't want someone like Lori's dad or Mrs. Dorsey to see, you might want to think twice about putting it on there. It will come back to haunt you." - Fletcher's Mom
1. "Dude, you can't hit a Gook. That's seven years bad luck." - Alex, after Fletcher knocked the shit out of Sean.
2. Sean: "Hey, let's play 'Follow the Sober Kid.'"
Everyone: (ignores him)
Sean: "Okay, then let's play 'Follow the Chink!'"
3. Patrick: "Dude, who's Najeem?"
Fletcher: "My RA, he's African."
Patrick: "AH, that's gotta be rough."
4. Vampire Guy: "Ahh...Arrr...Hey, my name is snake. How does that make you feel?"
Other Guy: "Every town has one."
5. "You won't be lauging on Judgement Day!" - Crazy Bible Bangers, to Lori when she laughed at them.
6. Bible Banger: "You're a hypocrite!"
Fletcher: "I didn't even say anything."
7. Jake (in calculus): "Do you know what kind of problems are going to be on the test?"
Prof. Waibogha: "You are asking me to predict what Doctor Ganser is going to put on the test? If I had this thing, ESP, that you believe me to have, do you think I would be here teaching calculus? No, I would be playing the lottery and going to the Bahamas with those crazy college girls."
8. Bartlet: "You have no idea how bad I am dude."
Alex: "Yes I do. That look on your face kind of tells me."
- When Alex showed up at a party and found Bartlet drunk as hell.
9. "What is this, Jesus Christ on a bicycle?" - Najeem, upon seeing Fletcher's roommate, Dan #1, on a bike. Dan looks like Jesus.
10. Dan #1: "Click play."
Fletcher: "Don't click play untill video is completely loaded."
Dan #2(the neighbor kid): "How do you kow when it's done loading?"
Fletcher: "Probably when it quits saying 'loading.'"
11. "I love how the guest book on the quotes page is pretty much a tribute to how much everyone loves you." - Alex, to Fletcher when he discovered that everyone that has signed the guest book is in love with Fletcher.
12. Bible Banger: "You're going to hell!"
Sean: "I know, I'm driving the bus."
13. "Damn it. I hate history. I have to know examples of Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox, and Islamic states; The ruling dynasties and their areas of control; the main social classes and estates they represent, plus all of the Protestant groups. I should probably go buy that book." - Fletcher, while studying for a History test.
14. Dan#2: I love the decorations in this room.
Fletcher: Me too...it's like a whole bunch of prisms, except that they're not.
Dan#2: The best one is this one.
Fletcher: What, the "COW"? Yeah, me too. Especially since I have to wake up to it every fucking morning.
- The explanation is: There're a whole bunch of straw decorations around Fletcher and Dan#1's room.
15. "When I walk down the street, and I see people handin' out flyers, it's like they're sayin', "Here, throw this away for me." - Lewis.
16. Sean: 'Why didn't we learn this part of L'Hopital's rule earlier?'"
Dr. Ganser: "Well, concepts of math are like sex. You just have to be mature enough to understand the principles and uses of them."
17. Alex: "Man, do you have any change for that old guy?"
Jason: "No, I do have like 50 dollars though."
Alex: "Yeah I have a dollar bill too."
Jason: "Should we go back and give him one?"
Alex: (Ponders for a moment) "Eh, fuck it, we'll see him around."
- Jason and Alex, talking about a homeless guy that wanders around Morgantown
18. "Yeah, back in my day we used to call the fat girl the 5th, 6th, and 7th wheel."- Lynch, on the beauty and versatility of fat chicks.
19. "Superman is dead, he must be in his Crypt Tonight." - Adam Kalalau
20. "I wonder where the word Vagina came from? I'll be it's like, latin for beef curtains or some shit." - Adam Kalalau, on derivatives.
21. "Fuck you Fletcher. You think that your so god damn cool and that everyone likes you; well your wrong and no one likes you. You think that you're so freakin' smart; well your not. You dont know shit, so fuck you to hell asshole." - Disgruntles Quotes Page Patron (comment edited for punctuation and capitalization because they're not very smart). If anyone knows who "eatshitasshole@fuckyou.com" is, then please report this informtaion to Fletcher via the feedback icon on the original quotes page. Thank you.
22. "Lori reminds me of a cat. She just lays around and contorts herself into weird positions." - Dan#2's observation of Lori's visits to Fletcher's room.
23. "It's okay. This is only my English mid-term." - Fletcher, as his mid-term porfolio "spontaneously combusted."
24. Dan#2: "I didn't go to get my Menengitis shot. I'm gonna die."
Fletcher: "It's okay, I'll send you some flowers. Probably a dandelion.....You better die in the summer, 'cause I don't wanna have to pay for flowers."
- Fletcher, showing simpathy.
25. "I think if Jesus were here right now, He'd say "Let's Go Mountaineers!", and "Fuck the Husky's!". Then he's probably drink a beer bong or something.' - John, on football and religion. Beautiful.
26. "Okay, enough of the craps." - Prof. Waibogha, after getting off track in calc.
27. Alex: "Hey, why don't you do something other than look at porn on my computer."
Jason: "What'm I supposed to do?"
Alex: "I don't know, play a game on Ebaums or something"
Jason: "Why, look how big those tits are!"
28. Adam: "Man that LPGA chic that was in Playboy last month was hot!"
Alex: "Haha. That's one girl you KNOW doesn't like it rough."
29. Jason: "Man, looking at FHM is like looking at legalized porn."
Adam: "Uh, Jason, what kind of porn have you been looking at?"
30. Alex: "Look at the tits on that girl. They're huge."
Fletcher: "Damn I can't wait for it to get cold."
Alex: "What in the hell does that have to do with her tits?"
Fletcher: "Think about it."
31. Jason: "Hey, will you throw me a Coke."
Alex: "Sure. Here." (throws coke 10ft. from Jason)
Jason: "What the fuck was that?"
Alex: "It get's heavier when it's frozen."
Jason: "Oh, so a 12oz coke weighs more than 12oz's when it's frozen?"
Alex: "Fuck you."
32. Patrick: "They should invent glow-in-the-dark condoms."
Fletcher and Angie: "They have."
Patrick: "Shit, where have I been?"
33. "Here at college people are gay to mean people. Fuck! I meant to say people are mean to gay peope." - Random guy at lunch.
34. "My Spanish teacher was talking about friends with 'benefits' today, but she didn't understand the work benefits. She kept calling them friends with 'rights.' She was like, (mock spanish accent)'You have these friend with 'rights,' and they let you sleep with them.' - Dan#1, on an interesting Spanish class.
35. "Man she is definitely a bangable girl. She was over at my room today, but I was drunk so I didnt' make a move because it was only the second time that I've hung out with her. She says sex is a sport though....I wanna practice with her." - EeBe, drunken ramblings about a hot girl that he's friends with. Rambling took place at 0129 hours.
36. "University 101 programs....SEX!!" Dan#1, reading The Connection, the Braxton Hall newsletter.
37. Kelsi: "Are you gonna get drunk?"
Alex: "Dunno, depends on how many I drink."
- Blurb from their conversation about Game Day on a school night.
37. "Hey Kelly, come smell my alcohol!" - Jeff, to his R.A.
38. Najeem: "Fletcher, where is Dan and Dan?"
Fletcher: "They're at Cru."
Najeem: "Why aren't you there?"
Fletcher: "I don't wanna go."
Najeem: "Okay, so you're not religious."
Fletcher: "Who're you to tell me I'm not?"
Najeem: "What're you going to do with that box outside?"
39. Fletcher: "Let's see what the weather is gonna be tomorrow. Oh, high of fourty two."
Dan#1: "Ohhhh....we need bubble solution."
Fletcher: "WHAT?!?"
- Weather enhanced conversations.
40. "Hey, are you gonna vise that bitch on?" - Parker, to Dan#3's dad while our Engineering group built our catapult.
41. Dan#2: "I'm happy. I got the spanish class with the hot grad student for a teacher. I'm gonna say stuff to her or something."
Fletcher: "You could say 'Como mi sachicho.' That'd be funny."
Dan#2: "What's that mean?"
Fletcher: "Eat my sausage."
Dan#1(who is minoring in spanish and now laughing histerically): "No it doesn't. It means 'I'm eating my sausage."
- At McE Deez after scheduling.
42. "This is some marching band isn't it?" - Dan#1, upon listening to the WVU fight song.
43. "Dan's ideas are so foreign to me. He cleans." - Fletcher, while Dan#2 was talking about cleaning a fridge.
44. "I've decided on how I'm gonna raise my kids. Not only am I gonna name them after colors, but I am going to completely seclude them from society. I mean, they're not gonna know that there are other people in the world. I'm gonna give them a gun and a knife, and all the tools and contraptions that they could ever want, then sent them into the woods to do whatever they want. When they get to kindergarten all the other kinds are gonna be like, "You guys should see the new toy I got, it is soo cool." Then my kid is gonna be like, "Yeah, well I killed a deer." (long pause) I hope my wife is okay with this." - Fletcher, late night ramblings and future decisions.
45.
46. Charlie(Dan#1): "I should probably go take a shower and then get up."
Fletcher: "You're probably gonna have to get up first."
Charlie: "You're right, I'm gonna need to re-think this strategy."
47. Tiffanie: "Are you sawing my bed?"
Charlie: "No, I stopped."
48. Fletcher: Yeah, you look like the kind of guy that would fuck a twelve-year-old.
Jeff: No, she's gotta be at least eleven....Damn it! I meant thirteen.
Alex: I'm pretty drunk.
Fletcher: Oh yeah, what'cha gettin' into tonight?
Alex: ...Talkin' online...and trying to get laid.
Fletcher: Oh yeah, with?
Alex: Baby steps Fletch, baby steps.
