i hate when i see renfro! everytime i do the next few days or weeks afterwards i get wicked depressed.. i hate him.. i wish i would have known all the things i did wrong so i could have stopped.. and made him happy.. BAH!

my new life
ok.. since that last post i posted back in may alot has happened...
i must start off with I DO NOT LIKE LUKE ANYMORE!!! at all..
and i have found someone new!.. NICK RENFRO! him and i have been going out for awhile now.. about a month and a week or so... its been great fun..
i am not doing any drugs what so ever anymore.. no pills... no alcohol.. no weed... the only thing i will do now is drink.. because its not illegal.. and thats all i wanna do..
everything else is going well.. so i will end it at that!

wow havent written in awhilell but cant write much so check out my live journal.. antiyoufk.. byes

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hmm.... WTF
well well well... its been a couple days since i have wrote... i have a feeling that this entry will be pretty long.. but i am not sure.. we will see...
hmm..........
well, my weekend was fucking awesome... well not the whole thing but most of it.. ok i will start with thursday after school..... i snorted my first pill... it was a perk.. i had fun.. after that i went to sleep (not right after but later on) friday i woke up to get ready for school (on my own i woke up and that is surprising) anyways- i got ready then i got a ride to school... went to the pines with mike naploeane, smoked a cig, talked to some friends, went back up to the school, talked to some more friends, went to my locker, walked around alittle bit, went to class, sat in class staring at my computer trying to figure out what to do cus i didnt have the thing i was suppose to be doing with me, got out of class, talked to some people, went to my next class, sat there and took a vocab test, got out of class, saw the "WONDERFUL COLLEEN" and gave her rings back to her, went to my next class and took a birth control method test, boring, then got out of class, talked to some people, went to my next class took a math test, taled to mike and "the KT" for a bit, got out of class, went to lunch ate some food, talked alittle bit, got pissed and walked off, (fucking amber said she saw LUKE and HANNAH together and luke had his TOUNGE down hannah's throat and exagerated it just like so.. and i really didnt wanna hear it because i was going out with luke basically fell in love he dumped me for hannah [which is pretty ugly and what some people say is nasty] and i still like luke and yea i just didnt wanna hear what he is doing with hannah) anyways- then i went to study hall, talked to heidi about amber and the show, got out of class, talked to colleen, went to geo., sat there and did nothing, go out, talked to people, went to study hall, talked to rosco (ROSS), go out of class, talked to the amazing ZV, went to chemistry, sat there and did nothing, go out went to my locker, got my stuff to go to colleen's house, found colleen, got on her bus, rode to her bus stop, got off her bus, walked to her house, dropped our stuff off, she cleaned her room, then we left and went to eric's, smoked some weed, laughed alot, me and colleen left and went to mickey d's, ate some fries a burger and mcflurries, left walked past the sk8 park, went to colleen's, hung out for awhile, got picked up by her friends, went to 5th street school, waited for a friend of colleen's (hayri), left rode past luke and his friend's, went to black beards, waited for hayri, left black beards, went to the show, had some fun, moshed with MATT FOLEY, kt, KEITH, and MIKE, then hung out for awhile, left the show, got dropped off at colleen's, sat there for a few minutes, went to leave and her mom stopped us and said we couldnt go anywhere, went in her room for awhile, snuck out her window, walked to a park, smoked a cig, walked to the sk8 park, then to irving, then back to sk8 park, layed on the half pipe for awhile, then walked to ALISHA's, saw matt, keith, ANDY, ross, JESS, PHIL, SARAH but they all left shortly after we showed up, colleen and i drank some beers, funneled some beers, i talked with JULIA about luke and shit, oh and BEN, COLBY and AUDRY were at alisha's too, anyways- talked to julia, drank and funneled some more beers, puked alot, then passed out, woke up walked to colleen's, colleen got bitched at for awhile about us sneaking out, then we fell asleep, woke up, colleen took a shower and i went online, then i got picked up, went home and sat online for awhile, went to sleep, woke up sunday morning, got online talked for awhile, went to ben's hung out with ben alisha julia jess phil WENDEL DAVE DENNY and ERIC, played some hacky sack, watched fritz the cat, left and came home, did some homework ate some food, and now i am sitting here doing nothing but typing a long ass entry for my blog.. but as you can tell i had a pretty good weekend.. i think i am going to go now... you all have fun reading the rest of my bullshit.. i hope you enjoy.. peace fuckers..

SHOW!!!!
There is a show on
FRIDAY APRIL 30th 5 BANDS $5
CHEM FREE ALL AGES ALLOWED
STARTS AT 6:30 p.m.
BANDS ARE:

EAST COAST STOMP
INBOUND
HOLLOW IMAGE
MY WRISTS WIDE OPEN
and...
KRYST ON A KRUTCH


at the orrington grange hall in orrington, maine...

directions:
coming from bangor, orono, veazie or brewer area- go south on route 15 (aka main street in brewer) then take a left on to center street go about 2 miles and will be right across the street at the intersection of dow and center streets...
coming from bucksport- go north on route 15 (aka main street) then take a right on center street and is the same as above...

PLEASE COME!!! HAVE SOME FUN!!!!

WHY!!!
why do guys have to lie.. why cant they just tell the truth.. why? i dont get it its very easy.. just say it if the girl gets mad oh well just tell the truth it will make your life soo much easier....

POEMS QUOTES n' SHIT!
i see rainbows i see butterflies i see my life passing by i want you 2 hold me i want you 2 love me so make this come true and keep me alive so i will not die then i will never stop loving you.....

"if you rape the dead the dead will get pleasure as well as you"-ZC

so cute! so fine! guess what?? you're mine!!

fuck this world and the next listen to my rhyming text i say that i must die so like an angel i will fly to your shadow i will go this is one thing you must know i do love you til i'm dead this is what is in my head my whole world one big tape die i must to escape no one knows how i feel so i make just this deal be mine forever i will say love my til my dieing day...

"what the hell do you think you are doing? how am i suppose to take over the world when the outlet to the world is shut down? damn you damn you all"-stewy

the clowns made me do it

you are laughing because i am different i am laughing because you all are the same...

"my lover my hater my saver my cutter my lifemy death my fucker"- ZC

"fuck me up the asshole and cry"-ZC

so much anger and no reason for it

"i am not a slave to a god that doesnt exist i am not a slave to a world that doesnt give a shit"-MM

"when you are suffering know that i betrayed you"-MM

hot. fresh. and just for you.

the day i die is the day i awake the time that you fall asleep is the time that i wake up the time that you sleep is the time that i play the time that you starve is the time that i eat the blood that you lose is the blood that i gain when you get infected i get cured i am a girl you are a guy i am dead you are alive we are the oppisite of each other in alot of ways when you are dark i am pail you wear white i wear black when you get happy i get sad you dont want me but i am dieing to have you i love you but you hate me you dont care about anything i do i love being around you and you cant stand being around me i care about you and you could careless if i died....

this man so sad in depression with such smooth pail skin with dark black lucious lips with big one white and one brown eye with long thin black hair looks up into the sky full of nothing but emptiness but still he looks for something to help him hold him embrace him love him...

razors knives all sharp objects sliding down up across my arm going deeper and deeper into my skin as the blood comes exploding out like when a guy gets off... it feels soo good the pain that its giving me and the pain its taking away is just so damn relaxing then feeling weak after losing all the blood then the taste of it going back into my body through my mouth... its heavenly but only if there was a heaven. oh god the pain you keep giving me makes it soo much better.. more of the pain you give me means more of the pain i get physically which takes the other pain from you away then the taste of blood.. it just gives me soo much pleasure.. i thank you very much...

ANYTHING YOU WANT THIS 2 B.....
life is a piece of shit sometimes... well mostly because of the people in it.. they say one thing and they do another... sometimes i just wanna die so i wont have to wait.... god damn people... i think that i am in love maybe not maybe its just me wanting to be but i dont know... well i am bored so i am gunna write some stuff.... blah blah blah blha blha b;uiwhregf;jkaqebfp; 87. BLAH!!!

FuckR
what the fk! ahh... i dont know.. i need help... time to call 1-800-69-jenny... aka jenny craig.... hahaha blah!!!!!!!!! show on the 27th of april at the grange or the kave in bucksport or in orrington... gunna b 6 or 7 dollars... will start at 6 or 7 fuck i need to shut up.. Fk the niggas peace!