I was bitching an awful lot about having summer homework. My colleague/support therapist/forum mod Aoi Tsuki calmly told me that I should solve this problem by breaking my history teacher’s hip. And this is what ensued…

Genius! Brilliant! I shall use your evil plan!

*drives to the hypnotist*

Linc- I need you to brainwash a samurai!

Man- ...what?

Linc- He must break my history professor’s hip!

Man- ...I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong place. I'm a psychiatrist, not a hypnotist.

Linc- Oh. Well... Could you... you, know. Recommend one?

Man- Uh...

Linc- Preferably one with no morals and who takes cash.

Man- Maybe I should make you an appointment instead...

Linc- ...

"After countless visits to Dr. Freud," Yamako continued, "I was finally diagnosed. It seemed I wanted to 'do the nasty' with my mother the entire time. That made me confused and sad; my mother was dead for twenty years. So I shot him. And I was still sad. So I shot his wife."

Linc- KenshinKenshinKenshin!

Kenshin- ...How did you get in the dojo?

Linc- I'm more interested to know how I got to the 1800's...

Kenshin- Oro?

Linc- KenshinKenshinKenshin!

Kenshin- Er... yes?

Linc- Aoi told me I should get you hypnotized so you could break my history teacher's hip!

Kenshin- Why would I want to do that, de gozaru yo?

Linc- ...who cares? ...you are getting sleepy... very sleepy...

Kenshin- I... I'm getting sleepy... that... I am...

Linc- You will break Mr. Likdenstien's hip, that you will....

Kenshin- very... sleepy... that I... Zzzz...

Linc- ....er...

Kenshin- ZzZzZz...



- zzzzzz...

Linc- *shakes him violently* Wake up! Dammit!

Kenshin- Zzz...

Karou- *walks in gate* Kenshin, I-- Oh my lord!

Linc- ...

Kenshin- zz...

Karou- *grabs broom* Stay back from Kenshin!

Linc- I was just leaving anyways...

Karou- HI-YA!!!

Linc- OW! For Chrissakes I need that foot!! *hopping up and down madly*

Karou- Draw your weapon!

Linc- WHAT!? I don't have one! Why would I!?!

Karou- I don't believe that for a second!

Linc- I LIVE IN THE 21ST (right?) CENTURY DAMMIT! The only people that carry around bokens and swords are the mentally unstable!!!

Karou- I said draw!

Linc- *stops hopping* Jesus, this is why no one likes you!

Karou- *lowers broom* huh?

Linc- You try to hurt everyone who looks at Battousai! Love and peace! Love and peace, you wench!

Karou- Kenshin loves me!

Linc- *mutters* That's just because Sano get's paired with Saitou half the time.

Karou- What?

Linc- Nothing.

Yahiko- *walks in* Here's the tofu, Krou...

Linc- Oh great! As if this couldn't get any more annoying!

Misao- *walks in* You dropped some, Yahiko...

Linc- ...

Yahiko- What's with the broom, Racoon?

Karou- er..

Linc- *shakes fist at the sky* STOP MOCKING ME!!!!

Goose- Quack.

"After failing at my attemt to hypnotize Kenshin," Yamako replied, "I decided I may as well not waste my time-travel and get someone else to do the job."

Sano- ...so then I said to the guy, 'That ain't my horse, that's my SISTAH!'

Linc- ...I don't get it.

Sano- It's funnier if you drink sake.

Linc- Oh.

Sano- Most things are...

Linc- ...

Sano- So what can I do for you?

Linc- I need you to... fight... a guy

Sano- I see... You know I've left that life style behind me.

Linc- You did?

Sano- Yeah. Ever since the zanbatou broke...

Linc- The horse chopper?

Sano- Yeah. I wouldn't feel right fighting without it.

Linc- Well... Perhaps THIS will change your mind!

Sano- ...a white sheet?

Linc- No! What's under the sheet!

Sano- Oh my god! Is that a new zanbatou!?

Linc- ...sure...



Sano- WOW! Awesome!

Linc- Can you fight Mr. Lickdenstien now?

Sano- Yeah, sure! But you know my price, right?

Linc- I missed that episode...

Sano- 1,000 yen if it's a fight I enjoy.

Linc- Er. And if it's not?

Sano- 10,000

Linc- ...and what if they don't pay you?

Sano- I break their legs.

Linc- ...

"Sanosuke's prices were to high," Yamako continued. "I only had a buck seventy-five and a snickers bar. Chances were Sano wouldn't catch on before I skipped town, but better safe than sorry."

Chou- Hey boss. There's someone here to see ya.

Saitou- Who is it?

Chou- Dunno. Some chick ranting about sleepy Battousai's, needy roosterheads, and evil Racoon girls...

Saitou- ...have her killed.

Chou- Er...


Saitou- Do it.

Chou- ...


Kamatari- ...and that's today's secret word!

Saitou- What the--

Linc- Fight my unjust history teacher!

Saitou- Why should I?

Linc- ...if you don't I'll cry?

Saitou- No.

Chou- Jeez, boss...

Linc- ...I'll tell you where the rengoku came from.

Chou- The what?

Linc- That... Shishio ship or whatever.

Chou- How do you know about Shishio!?

Linc- Fan subs.

Saitou- And how do you know who sold the ship?

Linc- I'm psychic.

Chou- ...

Saitou- *eyebrow*

Linc- I read the manga you fools!

Saitou- I need a vacation...

Chou- The what?

"After giving the information about Enishi, Karou's corpse, and even the Christian saga," Yamako said, "Saitou and I headed for Mr. Lickdenstien's house."

Linc- There he is! Now break his hip!

Mr. L- What?

Saitou- Aku Soku Zan. *stabs him in the head*

Kamatari- You win a bunny!

Mr. L- ARG! *dies*

Linc- Holy shit! You killed Mr. L! ...I guess that's ok..

Saitou- Aku Soku Zan has been served.

Kamatari- Another bunny for you!

Saitou- Cut that out.

Linc- Sweet. No more history homework.

Saitou- Where do you think you're going?

Linc- ....7-Eleven?

Saitou- You had your teacher killed for your own selfish gain... That's rather evil.


Saitou- *gotatsu stance* Means to an end.

Linc- Back off! I have a snickers bar!

Saitou- I doubt that will do you any good.

Linc- Oh like you have any excuse to ridicule me Mr. 'I think I'll use my belt as a whip and strangle Kenshin with my jacket.'

Saitou- That was different.

Linc- Hardly. *gotatsu stance*

Narrator: Will Yamako defete Saitou Hajime with a Snickers bar!? Find out the answer... Right now!








Linc- *dies*

Narrator: No she will not!

Saitou- Aku Soku Zan.

Kamatari- Hooray!

Saitou- ...