Act II

IMMORTAL COMBAT

(Cuz theyíre robots, silly!)

Shinji- *Mortal Combat song* Dodo do dodo do do do doodoo der doo--

Linc- - Canít you guys just compromise?

Heero- Hell no.

Shinji- Weíre rolling...

Linc- - Huh? Oh, shit! Greetings everybody! Itís your old pal, Linc-, aka Shijin Yamako! Iím here today to host the celebrity Gundam Death Match!

Duo- Did you say ĎDeathScytheí?

Linc- - No... Fist off, letís meet our contestants!

Scene II

*We now take you to the set of the Oprah show where Linc- has somehow gotten a hold of a microphone and a Quarter Pounder with CheeseÖ*

Linc- - Good day Mr. Yuy! Why donít you tell us a little about yourself?

Heero- I like dancing, threatening people, long walks on the beach, self-destructing, and Italian food.

Linc- - Thanks, but this is not a personal ad... Next we have the God of Death himself! Sir, may I ask why youíre standing so close to me?

Duo- Hi.

Linc- - ...So, how did you prepare for this fight?

Duo- Dancing.

Linc- - Really.

Duo- No.

Linc- - ....

Duo- Wait for me, Heero!

Linc- - ....Next up is Trowa Barton! Sir, how did you prepare for the fight?

Trowa- ...

Iris- ....ooookay, do you like dancing?

Trowa- ...

Linc- - ...Food, Trowa, do you eat food?

Trowa- ...

Linc- - ...Do you have a close relative that is a mime of some sort?

Trowa- ...

Linc- - How about a personality that surpasses cardboard?

Trowa- ...

Linc- - Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Barton.

Trowa- ...

Linc- - *whisper* Freak!!! You have to say something!

Trowa- *Points Heavy armís gun at her* Die.

Linc- - Well, that shut me up, ladies and gentlemen. On to the next contestant! So, Mr. Winner, how did you prepare for the fight?

Quatre- I like ponies!

Linc- - ....Do you like food?

Quatre- I like ponies!

Linc-- Really, I didnít know they were edible.

Quatre- I like ponies!

Linc- - Does you face hurt from smiling all the time?

Quatre- I like ponies!

Linc- - ...Ok, a man of few words. Letís begin! An exclusive interview with Chang Wufei, member of the dragon clan!

Wufei- Itís nice to be here.

Linc- - Thatís great. So, how did you prepare for the fight that youíre not actually going to be in?

Wufei- I killed my partner. He was weak. Just like you, Linc-! You are all weak!

Linc- Ė WHOA! You have no sense of honor! Besides, Shinjiís my partner and I canít even begin to tell you how many times Iíve tried to bump him off--

Shinji- HEY!!!

Wufei- AAARRRGGG! *lunges* Die, fangirl, die!

Linc- - GyAAAH You monster!!! *cowers*

Scene III

Linc- - This is a partner fight, but Wufei canít participate, cosí he killed his...

Wufei- *sob* I didnít think Iíd win!

Shinji- Excuses...

Linc- - And no Gundam weapons will be permitted on the Gundams, because of a certain incident...

Trowa- Because of me? Great, now I have a stubby Gundam with no arm...

Wufei- *Holds up Dragon Fang* Ha ha, I got to keep mine. You suck.

Linc- - Letís begin!

Scene IV

Shinji- Meanwhile, back stage...

Duo- Iím so glad you chose me to be your partner, Heero!

Heero- Donít talk to me. The only reason I chose you is because all the others are such wussies.

Duo- What about Wufei?

Heero- Heís scary! He tried to kill me like five times.

Duo- He likes me, Iím his friend.

Heero- What gives you that idea?

Duo- Ever read the manga version of GW?

Heero- ...no...

Duo- Exactly.

*Suddenly, a dark figure lurks in the shadows overhead. The defender of justice, truth, and honor! Wherever the weak are oppressed, heíll be there! Wherever his arch rival is, heíll be there--a lot faster! The dark night--*

Batman- That is copyrighted material.

*...The dark night©, Wufei!*

Wufei- Heh?

Linc- - Someone obviously needs a little motivation. *push*

Wufei- Whaa-YAAAAAHHHHH!!!

*CRASH!*

Duo- Hey! Itís Wufei! Letís give Ďim a hug.

Wufei- Nooooooooooo!

Heero- Make that six times.

Scene V

Shinji- On the battlefield...

Quatre- It doesnít matter if you win or lose Trowa, we like you anyway! YAAAAAAAY!

Heero- Duo, I swear to God if you screw this upÖ

Duo- *gulp* I wonít, Heero.

Heero- You better not, ya meat-head.

Shinji- Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Trowa- Excuse me?

Linc- - Yeah?

Trowa- *Opens up HeavyArmís missiles* Can I use arm missiles?

Linc- - No.

Trowa- Why the hell not!?

Linc-- ...ya tried to shoot me in the face.

Trowa- Oh. *opens up HA chest missiles* How about these?

Linc- - ...Uh, thatís creepy, son, close them back up.

Quatre- Whoa, chest missiles. I never realized he had those suckers...

Shinji- Hey! No mecha hentai!

Linc- - Just fight already...

T/D- Yes, maím...

HA- *taps DeathScythe*

DS- *falls over*

Duo- Oh! It hurts, Iím down, Iím out!

Heero- JESUS!!! That didnít take you very long, what were you in there for, like five seconds!?!

HeavyArms- *sweatdrop*

Shenlong- *Drags DS off with Dragon Fang*

Duo- I WILL SURVIVE!!

Heero- Thatís my line!!

Scene VI

Shinji- OK! Fighting on the blue side, Heero! Pink side, Trowa!

Trowa- Why do I have to get pink?

Quatre- Cosí weíre feminine, silly!

Trowa- ...donít talk to me...

Heero- Whatever.

Wing- *Pulls out buster rifle*

*BOOM! (And other miscellany noises)*

Trowa- ...THATíS NOT FAIR! SHE SAID NO WEAPONS!!!

Linc- - *Nods firmly* Sorry, Trowaís right, Hee-

Wing- *points buster rifle at referee*

Linc- - ...Iím willing to overlook this as an ĎAct of Godí.

Trowa- BULL SHIT!

Heero- *smiles*

Scene II

Linc- - Since ĎPsychoí--

Trowa- *glare*

Linc- - --is finally out of the fight, weíll allow weapons!

Heero- Sorry, Quatre buddy, but I got to do this...

Quatre- Wait, why are we fighting??

Heero- To see who has to share the bed in the spare room.

Quatre- ....oh...

*BOOM! (And other miscellany noises)*

Duo- Hey! We did it! Quatreís out! No surprise there...

Heero- Whatís all this Ďweí crap?

Duo- What do you mean?

Heero- Heh heh heh...

*WOOB! (And other miscellany noises (Haha, itís BOOM upside down))*

Wufei- That was pretty weak, Heero.

Heero- Did I mention the losers al have to sleep in the Queen sized bed together?

Wufei- ...I find you actions just, but I now must find my own meaning of justice. Prepare to fight!

Linc- - Actually, since itís a partner fight, you canít...

Wufei- WHAT!?!

Linc- - ĎFraid so.

Wufei- ...So let me get this straight... You allow Heero to use weapons, blast his own partner, and yet...

Linc- - Life has a sick and twisted way of working out. Donít you agree?

Wufei- ...

Heero- Mission accomplished.



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