Act I

THEREíS SOMETHINí ABOUT SHINJI...

It was a normal day. Just like every other day. Except for this day. Cosí it was an irregular day. Or so we thought. As a matter of fact, it was night time.

Once upon a--(Shinji- You swore youíd never start a story like that!)

...So I did... Once upon a..............

(Shinji- Weíre waaaiii~tiiing...)

...thyme,

(Shinji- ...lame) There was a girl. A smart girl, who belonged to a secret ĎPreventersí society (which will not be discussed, less I kill you all) and got good grades on her report cards.

Shinji- Sally?

No, dumbass. Anyway, she was a gentle soul who loved all the creatures of the world (except Relena) and took pity on all the weak (except Sora). Her name was...

Mom-- LINC-!!!

Linc-- You bellowed, oh mother?

Mom-- What the hell are you doing!?!

Linc- - *looks around* ...Is this some kind of trick question?

Mom-- Youíre playing video games, while you should be studying...

Linc- - ....for...?

Mom-- FINAL EXAMS!!! DAMNIT, DO YOU WANT TO STAY IN 12TH GRADE FOREVER!?!

Linc-- ...uh, is that some kind of trick question?

And thus, the fair maiden was thrown in a dark, damp, filthy dungeon (Namely, her room) to study history, Algebra 1, and science for all eternity. That is until...

Duo- Damn it, Heero! We are so lost!

Heero- No weíre not.

Duo- There are not supposed to be cows and Amish people in Osaka...

Heero- ...Yes there are.

Trowa- Why donít we just pull over and ask for directions?

Wufei- It would be deemed un-masculine.

Trowa- Letís just get Quatre to do it.

Quatre- Hey!

Trowa- Wassamatter, little man? Panties in a twist?

Quatre- Damn it, if Rashid was here, I would so have him kick your ass!

Trowa- Uh huh...

Wufei- Damn it, Yuy! Youíre driving too slow!

Heero- What did I tell you about back seat driving!?

Duo- Um, hey I just figured something out, guys...

Quatre- Whatís that?

Trowa- Quatre really is a chick?

Quatre- DAMN IT!

Duo- ...If weíre all only 15, how can Heero be driving?

Heero- Fake license.

Duo- Ah.

Wufei- ...You do actually know how to drive, right?

Heero- ...

Trowa- ...Heero?

Heero- Wups.

***

*tap*tap*tap*

Linc-- Someoneís at the front door...

*knock*knock*knock*

Linc-- Mom-, someone is at the door!

*KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK*

Linc-- DAMNIT, WOMAN!! SOMEONE IS AT THE FUCKING DOOR!!!

*WHAM!*WHAM!*WHAM!*

Linc-- Oh yeah, she went grocery shopping...

*CRASH!!*

Linc-- ...Oh hell... *goes downstairs* With my luck, itís probably someone Iím related to...

Duo- Christ, Heero!

Heero- Guess I donít know my own strength...

Wufei- But can he open a jar of pickles? Nooo...

Linc-- *Enters* Uh, if you guys a selling doors, door-to-door, youíve made your point.

Quatre- Iíll pay for it...

Heero- Woo-hoo!

Linc-- Uh, can I help you?

Trowa- Our car ran into a tree--

Linc-- Why?

Trowa- *points at Heero* Ask Jeff Gordon.

Linc-- Sir, youíre stupid.

Heero- ...

Trowa- So, we need a place to spend the night--

Linc-- Welcome to the Bates Hotel, boys.

Trowa- ...and weíre in the middle of nowhere.

Linc-- Amish Country USA.

Duo- Damn Heero, you need to brush up on your navigational skills.

Heero- ...

Trowa- And, for good measure, itís starting to rain.

*Rains on cue*

Linc-- Hmm, well Iíd like to help you bu- ...Heero?

Heero- Uh, yeah?

Linc-- So that must mean youíre all the G-Pilots, right?

Quatre- *nods*

Wufei- How the fuck does everyone know that?

Linc- - Fansubs.

Wufei- What?

Linc- - Never mind. So... what will you give me if I let you stay in the spare bedroom?

H/W/T/D- *Looks at Quatre*

Trowa- Free, or best offer?

Quatre- Phuh! NO!

H/W/D- *Looks at Trowa*

Trowa- I have a key chain that opens beer bottles...

Linc- - *whips out key chain* Have one already.

Quatre- *sweatdrop*

Linc-- And a Tomogatchi.

W/D- *Look at Heero*

Heero- Um, I found a condom in the passenger seat.

Duo- Damn it! Thatís where I was sitting, Heero!

Linc- - Um. Ew.

Heero- Well, it isnít used.

Wufei- Maxwell?

Duo- Uh... Say, youíre single, right?

Linc- Ė How does everyone know that!?!

Wufei- Fansubs.

Linc-- Ö

Duo- Howíd you like to go on a date with the God of Death? Eh? Eh?

Linc-- Sorry, I donít feel like getting killed by my fellow FanGirls today.

Quatre- Hurry up! Iím getting wet!

Duo- ....

Linc-- Theyíd do it, too.

Trowa- Wufei?

Wufei- I have nothing to give an onna!

Linc- - Hey! Coo! You have Pocky!

Quatre- *achoo!*

Duo- *Yanks it form Wufei* You like it, itís yours!

Linc- Ė Free food! *accepts and squeals like any fangirl would*

Wufei- I didnít agree to this!

Trowa- I didnít agree to being paired up with Quatre for every mission, and yet, here we are.

Wufei- ...

Quatre- ...jerk...

Linc- - ...whatever.

Scene II

Duo- Iím hungry!

Linc- - What do I look like, a chef?

Heero- Your cat is annoying the crap out of me...

Linc- - With Relena and all, you should be used to it.

Heero- Sheís not fuzzy.

Wufei- I beg to differ.

H/L- *sweatdrop*

Duo- Youíre out of cereal. *munch*munch*

Quatre- ....Thatís cat food.

Duo- Eww... *munch*munch*

Trowa- ...

Duo- *munch*munch*

Heero- AWWW! You such a cute widdle thing! Yes you are! Yseyouare! Ooís a cuwtey? Woo are!

Duo- ...thanks, I think...

Heero- I meant the cat.

Duo- oh.

L/W/Q/T- *sweatdrops*

Jas- *meow!*

*door slams*

Mom-- Iím hooo~ooome!

Linc- - How good are you guys at stealth?

*Mad Scramble*

Linc- - ....My faith is dwindling...

Mom-- *enters kitchen* shouldnít you be studying?

Linc- - Need brain food.

Mom-- *unpacks groceries* Sorry, but youíre going to be eating for a while.

Linc- - ...

Mom-- *Opens up fridge* ...Explain yourself, Linc-.

Linc- - Huh? Oh my...

Duo- *from the fridge* Make me a sandwich woman!

Linc-- *sigh*

*We interrupt this program for this important announcement*

Shinji- Hi.

*We now continue.*



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