The Day Before...


*action*

~thought~

WARNING- 3 Yaoi couples and 1 Yuri, plus really baaad jokes. Relena & Hilde bashing.

I wrote this at least two years ago. I'd like to think my sense of humor has improved since then... But it really hasn't. Sorry.


Duo- HEERO!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!!!

Heero- I AM, BUT DUO!!! LET GO OF THE DOOR!!!

Duo- NO!!!

Trowa- .....

Quatre- .....

Wufei- ...um... What are you two doing?

Duo- HE’S TRYING TO MAKE ME SPEND THE DAY WITH RELENA!!!

Trowa- heh heh heh... *evil grin*

Duo- WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE LAUGHING AT, UNI BANG!?! PSYCHO DEPRESSED CLOWN FREAK!!!! WIPE THAT SILLY GRIN OFF BEFORE I SMACK IT OFF!!!

Trowa- *gggrrrrr...*

Quatre- *sniff* Why are we all fighting???

Heero- Duo!! You’re the only one that can protect Relena from OZ!!

Duo- OH YEAH??!? WHY DON’T YOU DO PROTECT YOUR ‘GIRLFRIEND’!!?!?!!

Wufei- Oooohh... Burn.

Heero- I’m busy. Besides, she annoy’s the living crap outta me. NOW LET GO!!!

Duo- NO!!!

Heero- Look at it this way, Duo, you need female interaction!

Duo- I DO NOT!!! I’LL JUST SPEND THE DAY WITH QUATRE!!

Quatre- Hey!

Heero- Duo... Leggo!!

Duo- NO WAY!!!

Quatre- Is it the pink shirt??? I like pink!! I think it brings out the azure in my eyes and the lightness of my hair!!

Heero- ....

Duo- ....

Trowa- ...

Wufei- I suppose 29 sisters can do that to a guy...

Duo- ...I’m still not going...

Heero- Omea o Korusou...

Trowa- Kiss me you fool!

Wufei- Go away Trowa...

Heero- Quatre, get the butter.

Quatre- But Heero, the others are still in the room...

Wufei/Trowa/Duo- o.O*

Heero- *sweatdrop* No! I mean for Duo!

Duo- O.O***

Quatre- *eyes water* But.. But I-I thought you an-and I were lov-

Heero- NO!! For His Hands!!

Quatre- Oh! Okay then! ^_^

*Two minutes go by.... Duo is looking uncomphy with his foot in Heero’s hand and gripping the doorknob so he won’t fall. Heero is still blushing bright red. Trowa is wriggling about and inching closer to Wufei who is reaching for his sword.*

Quatre- I hope you don’t mind margarine, Hee-chan. It’s much healthier. ^_^

Heero- Uh... Sure.

Duo- ~Wait... Hmm... Lets see... Why don’t I do the ‘Good | Bad’ Scenario. Bad: I get buttered up by Heero. Good: I get buttered up by Heero. Hmmm....~ I wanna be a Butter Finger BB, baby!!!!

H/T/Q/W-o.O”

Duo- ....that came out kinda loud... *slips and falls on his butt*

Wufei- Your grace never ceases to impress me...

Duo- Shad ap... *gets thrown out the door by Heero*

Trowa- He’ll have fun...

Duo- AHHH!! HE LOCKED ME OUT!! THAT BASTARD!!! NOOOO!!!

Quatre- I’m guessing the pink car would be Relena’s....

Duo- *See’s car.* Crap!! crapcrapcrapcrap!!! *Dives into water fountain*

Relena- Oh Ddduuuuuooooo!!! Why are you in the fountain???

Duo- ...I was looking for snack money?

Relena- o.O

*Meanwhile, inside with all the curtains drawn, four pairs of eyes stare at a braided baka... Or uh, three pairs and one if you get tencnical about Trowa...*

Heero- *Laughing uncontrollably*

*In the car that looks like it ran over a few Jigglypuffs*

Relena- I’m so glad you could come, Duo!!

Duo- Yeah yeah.... ~Could this get any worse?~

Relena- Hey Hilde!

Duo- ~....apparently it can...~

Hilde- Hiya Relen- ....oooooh....Duuuuoooooo..... *swoon*

Duo- Hilde. *shrudder*cringe*shrudder*

Hilde- I’ll sit in the back with you, Duo! ^_^

Duo- Oh the joy I feel....

*Quatre Rarebra, er, Rabera, um.. Raberber, HOW EVER YOU SPELL HIS MIDDLE NAME, Winner’s Mansion*

Quatre- I still don’t get the concept of this show...

Heero- You mean ‘Who’s Line Is It Anyways?’

Quatre- Yeah, I mean, what’s it about?

Wufei- Four homosexuals in a room do funny things on impulse.

Quatre- ...oh.

Heero- *looks around* Sounds fermilliar....

Trowa- *Scoots closer to Wufei* Gee, you’re smart, Wufei.

H/Q- -.-”

Wufei- ...I think I’m going to go make a cheese sandwich... *leaves*

*In the next 5 minute period, Quatre has managed to laugh so hard, Diet Caffine-Free Pepsi squirts out of his nose several times, Heero is staring at Brad Sherwood’s nice butt, and Trowa is bouncing up and down a little, while taking nervous glances back at the kitchen.*

Wufei- *Enters* Hey does anybody want some pickles?

Trowa- You’re Back!!! =D *gets up and runs to Wufei, ready to glomp.*

Wufei- WHAT THE HELL!?!?!

Trowa- Wuuufffeeeeiiii!!!!

Quatre- *sigh* I knew I’d have to do this... *shoots tranquilizer gun*

Trowa- Wuuuu.....ZzZzZzZzZ.....*Falls on the Fei*

Heero- Where’d you get that gun?

Quatre- Your pants. ^^*

Heero- O.O*

Wufei- Helllooo!?! Get him off!

Trowa- *Nuzzles into Wufei’s chest*

Quatre- Awwww....

Heero- >.<

*A Pink sedan drives on Rt. 30... Which, if I may add HAS SO MUCH FRIGGIN CONSTRUCTION....*

Duo- Sooo... Where are we going? *pushes Hilde away*

Hilde- Heehee!

Duo- -.-”

Relena- A secret party where many people that oppose OZ will be attending.

Duo- Super...

Relena- Here we are!

Hilde- Goody! *Gets out after Relena*

Duo- Great! *follows* They better have some grub ‘cos I’m.... just... famished... WHAT THE HELL!?! A MC’DONALDS!!!?!!!?!

Relena- Shh! Not so loud. Follow me.

Hilde- Heehee!

Duo- *glares* Do you have an off button?

Relena- *Does something to a dumpster and.... HEY!! NOT THAT KIND OF ‘SOMETHING’!!! Geeze... I don’t hate her that much.. well... uh, any ways, a stairway opens up*

Hilde- *Looks after Relena’s retreating back* Ooh!! It’s so dark! Duo hold my hand!

Duo- It ain’t that dark sister.... *runs after Relena*

Hilde- Hey!! Wait for me!!

Duo- Nyah Nyah! =P

*They finally arrive, after Hilde screaming about spiders and crap. Duo skips and sings numerous Blink 182 songs, and Relena wonders how the hell Hilde was even invited.*

Relena- Welcome one and all!

Duo- Lookit all the people....

Hilde- It’s Noin, Zechs, and Sally Po! *See’s them walking towards them*

Duo- Thank you Captain Obvious...

Relena- Hello dear brother. Miss Noin, Sally, it’s a pleasure.

Sally- *hic up* Charmed I’m suurree...

D/R/H- o.o

Noin- Forgive Sally. She drank too much punch.

Relena- But it’s nonalcoholic!

Zechs- *Whispers to Duo* I spiked it.

Duo- Heeheehee!

Hilde- Hey! I’m supposed to do that!

Z/D- Can it!

Hilde- .....

Duo- Gee, Zechs. I like you all ready.

Zechs- Please, call me Zechs.

Duo- ....I did.

Zechs- .... Oh, uh... the helmet makes it kind of hard to hear. I’ll just take it off. *Takes of helmet like those super models swoosh around their hair*

Duo- ....

Hilde- Duo, you’re drooling.

Duo- ... Hmm..... So I am...

Noin- WHOO! Sally! Not In Public...

D/R/Z- ....

Sally- Hey, it’s aaallll goooood baby....

Hilde- Ooooh.... So they're a Yuri couple...

Duo- Captain Obvious strikes again! Woosh! Look at ‘im go!!

Zechs- *snickers*

Hilde- Really??? WHERE!?!? *Runs off looking for captain obvious*

Zechs- ...she’s not very bright, it she?

Duo- Like a 2 watt bulb....

Relena- Right, well... I’m going to go and do important political.... stuff... *walks off*

Sally- I’m going tooo... Take Noin like a dog going after a piece of bacon.... Raw bacon that is!

Z/D- o.O*

Noin- So’kay! ^_^

*Noin and Sally walk off, leaving two incredibly ‘Viagra-ated’ guys*

*Meanwhile, a seemingly long distance away, a gopher bites a guy in a clown suit. Meanwhile, another some distance away, a Digital Rift occurs, the Digidestined pop out, buy an almanac so they can bet on races and make the greens, and go back to Odaiba, 2001. However, 2 blocks away, and a hop-skip to the left, we come to the Quatre mansion...*

*Wufei, Quatre, and Heero all look at the after affects of tranquilization in shock and wonder. The after affects have a name. The name is, Trowa Barton, who is standing on the coffee table, telling jokes without a shirt, that was previously used as a parachute....*

Trowa- How do you get a one-armed Relena out of a tree? You Wave to her!!

W/H/Q- *laughter*

Trowa- So this family of a mom, dad, and kid goes to the circus,

The Dad goes to get some snacks.

The kid points to the elephant and says, “Mommy, what’s that?”

“That’s the trunk.”

“No, after that.”

“The tail.”

“Before that.”

“.....Oh uh... that’s nothing...”

The dad comes back, and the mom goes to the can.

The kid points to the elephant and says, “Daddy, what’s that?”

“That’s the trunk.”

“No, after that.”

“The tail.”

“Before that.”

“Oh. That’s a penis.”

“But mommy said it was nothing!”

“Well, your daddy has your mommy pretty spoiled in that area.”

W/H/Q- *laughter*

Trowa- So this guy sleeps in a barn, but the farmer says;

“Boy, just don’t stick your penis in any of those three holes.”

The guy comes out smiling.

“Which one did you stick it into?”

“The 1st.”

“That’s my wife. Was she good?”

“Yep.”

Next Night...

The guy comes out smiling.

“Which one did you stick it into?”

“The 2nd.”

“That’s my daughter. Was she good?”

“Yep.”

Next Night...

The guy comes out pissed off.

“Which one did you stick it into?”

“The 3rd....”

“That’s my milking machine. Doesn’t stop until 20 gallons.”

W/H/Q- *laughter*

Trowa- What did Hilde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?? *high squeaky voice* “Oh look! Doughnut seeds!”

W/H/Q- *laughter*

Trowa- So a man who is a necrafealiac {A/N: Get’s it on with dead peeps. *shrudder*} and practices beastiality {A/N: .....*sigh*... animals...} goes into the doctor with a problem. He has the complete check-up and says to the doctor, “So what is it doc? Do I have a cold or am I just beating a dead horse?”

W/H/Q- *laughter*

Trowa- How does Relena kill a fish? She drowns it!

W/H/Q- *laughter*

Trowa- How does a fish kill Relena? He puts a sratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool!

W/H/Q- *laughter*

Trowa- What’s worse than no internet connection?

W/H/Q- *gasp!*

Trowa- Treize in a thong!

W/H/Q- *shrudder*

Trowa- ....That was weird....

*We join our baka at a stuffy party, staring at Zechs as he tells anecdotes.*

Zechs- So I said to the guy, “But sir! That is my helmet!”

Duo- Heehee!

Zechs- Say, you’re pretty cute.

Duo- Awww.... shucks...

Zechs- Here, come with me! *grabs Duo’s hand*

Duo- Why I do declare Mr. Marquie....

*3 minutes later, a pissed off, ruffled up Sally & Noin appear*

Noin- That jerk! He just threw us out!

Sally- Oh well...

Hilde- Say, did you two see Duo and Zechs?

Noin- Saw them... HA! *stalks off*

Sally- *eeeevil grin* They’re in the 3rd room down the hall.

Hilde- Okay! ^_^ *bounces away*

Relena- Sally, you didn’t...

Sally- Me? Do something bad??? Noooo....

*Hilde’s scream is heard, as a half-nekked Duo runs after her with a vase*

Duo- AND STAY OUT!!!

Hilde- But ZECHS!?!? That’s illegal in 38 states!!

Zechs- Gee... look.. were not in America...

Duo- Bingo. *pushes Zechs back into the room, FINALLY locks the door, and isn’t seen for some time...*

Sally- Hey Noin... I think I’m still druuuunk....

Relena- I’m Relena.

Sally- .... see what I mean?

*Back at the ranch... er, mansion...*

Quatre- Well, that was the lastht bottle of licker...

Heero- You mean liquer... Costh I’M the licker...

Quatre- Damn sthtraight...

Wufei- I looooove the Digimon drinking game....

Trowa- Hey Diiigggggiiiiimmmoooonnnn....

Wufei- Hey, that Yamato isthn’t too bad looking...

Trowa- You’re a mustch better man... uh, man...

Wufei- Awww...

Quatre- Heeeeero....

Heero- mmm?

Quatre- I like you in spandexth...

Heero- I like you in.... well, um... soberness...

Trowa- What’s it feel like to be sooooober?

Wufei- Dunno... Kisth me you ffffoooool.....

Trowa- HOT DAMN!! *glomps Wufei*

Wufei- OH SWEET NATAKU!

Quatre- Heeeeeeero....

Heero- mmm?

Quatre- I still have that butter....

Heero- ....=)

*Some time later, Duo enters the house. He finds Wufei & Trowa on the couch in a very, uh... interesting position. Quatre & Heero are in Quatre’s bed, sleeping with a few bottles of bandy scattered about.*

Duo- ... hmm... *He puts down the punch bowl he was carrying, and immediately passes out.*

*Breakfast-Hangovers all around, but a very happy looking Trowa. Heero is drinking the Mrs. Butterworth. Quatre is putting good amounts of aspirin in with his Cap’n Crunch. Duo has spelled out ‘Zechs’ on the table in pixie stix powder, and has proceeded to lick it all off. Trowa is smiling as he eats his Pop-Tarts, and Wufei looks so pissed and is slicing an orange with his katana.*

Need I say about the day after?



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