Just one look into your eyes, one look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful, just one kiss and I'm alive
One kiss and I'm ready to die, 'cause you're so beautiful
-HIM

The next morning I heard the phone ring. Umi stirred and reached over me to get to her cell phone which was playing 'Beautiful' by HIM as the ringtone. She laid her head on my chest and put the phone to her ear. I could heard the person on the phone say something, talking hysterically into the receiver, but I couldn't make out the words. I looked at Umi's face as whoever it was told her whatever it was that they called to tell her. Her eyes widened at whatever it was and she put her hand up to her mouth in shock, "We'll be there in a few minutes Mandee, don't panic ok? I'm on my way." My sister said, hopping out of bed and encouraging me to do the same.
"Yeah, yeah, in the lobby? Ok, ok, yeah. Call me if you need me before I get there. Bye." she flipped her phone shut and looked at me with sad, nearly hysterical eyes, "Ernest," she said, pulling on her jeans, "Christopher's in the ICU. He tried to kill himself this morning."
I stood on the side of the bed gaping at her for a few solid minutes before she threw my skully shirt and jeans at me. I slipped them on in a hurry and stepped into my low-rise converses. She did the same and the two of us raced downstairs to the car. She put the key into the ignition and off we went to the hospital. I rubbed my eyes and put on my seat belt really quick before starting a conversation.
"What happened Umi? Was that Mandee on the phone? Why did Chris try to kill himself?" I asked, questions constantly popping into my head. Umi clutched the steering wheel tightly and floored the gas pedal,
"Yeah, that was Mandee. She doesn't know why he tried to kill himself...she found him in the bathtub this morning with his arms all cut up. Wrist to elbow. He wasn't kidding about this attempt." she said solemnly, sighing. Why would he do that? Why would Chris try to kill himself...shit. It's because of me.
"It was because of me, wasn't it? I shot down his apology and pushed him away, so he tried to commit suicide. Fuck..." I leaned over, my head nearly touching my knees, my arms wrapped around myself, clutching the sides of my shirt.
"I didn't....I didn't mean to hurt him that badly...I didn't want him to get hurt! That's the reason I was pushing him away--so that I wouldn't hurt him. Goddammit!" I cried, tears falling from my eyes as we sped down the highway, only 5 minutes to the hospital. Umi reached over to stroke my hair,
"Ernest, it wasn't all your fault. Christopher's had a hard life. He was probably thinking about doing this for a very long time. Mandee told me that he used to be a cutter..." That caught my interest,
"A cutter? Christopher? I can't see that. He seems so sane." I mused as my sister turned sharply into the hospital parking lot. After circling the lot for a while, Umi found a parking space. She threw the car in park and yanked the keys out of the ignition. The two of us stumbled out of the Mustang and ran towards the door.
Mandee was waiting for us in the lobby of the hospital, her clothes covered in blood and her haired sticking up in strange directions on the top of her head,
"Mandee! Any news?" yelled Umi, holding Mandee by the shoulders. Mandee shook her head and sighed in defeat,
"He's out of surgery but he's still in the ICU. They think he might have slipped into a coma. They don't know...if it's temporary or what but...oh god, Umi...I-I hope he doesn't die!" screamed Mandee, collapsing into my sister's arms. Suddenly I heard 'Beautiful' again and Umi whipped out her flip-phone,
"Hello? Yeah? Yeah Mav, we're fine. We're at the hospital...no no no, me and Ern are fine...yeah, yeah it's Christopher. Ok, watch the store for me and call the school. Ok, thanks. Love," Umi hung up and stuffed the phone back into her pocket, "Sorry." Mandee nodded a 'that's ok' and I looked around the hospital.
"Mandee...can...can Christopher have visitors?" I asked in not much more than a whisper. Mandee shook her head and sighed again (something she'd done a lot since we got there), "And unless they take him out of the ICU, I'll be the only one that will be able to see him." That made me want to cry even more. And I did. I dropped to my knees and held my head in my hands, crying,
"No no no no no no no......this is all my fault....fuck fuck fuck FUCK!" I screamed hysterically, my hands over my ears in anguish. My sister got on her knees and put her arm around my shoulders. I sat up briefly before collapsing into her chest, hugging her fiercely.
God....if there is a God.....please....please save Christopher Nemeth.

Several hours later, I was asleep on Umi's lap in the lobby. Christopher had come out of his temporary coma, but he was still unconscious and they still had him in the ICU, so my sister and I weren't allowed to go sit with him. After cleaning herself up and borrowing a shirt that Umi had in her car, Mandee had gone in to sit with her brother. It was about 8 o'clock at night by then (Mandee had called us around 9 am that morning) and as my eyes fluttered open, I could see outside that it was suddenly raining. I rubbed the crust and dried tears off of my eyes and looked up at Umi, who was reading, you guessed it, another Edward Lee book,
"Anything new?" I croaked, rubbing my face and stretching out on the hospital's couch. "Nope." was the only thing I got out of her. I nodded and sat up, my head still rested on Umi's shoulder. A couple of minutes later, Mandee came down the hall with a small smile on her face,
"Ernest, good news," she chirped, smiling wider when my face lit up, "he's out of the ICU, you can go see him now."
"Thank you Mandee," I nearly squealed, throwing my arms around the girl that I regarded as my other sister, "thank you thank you thank you...." Mandee giggled,
"Hey Ernest, Umi and I are gonna go get some clothes for Chrissy and get something to eat. It might take us a while, so do you wanna come and go see him when we get back?" she offered, holding me around the waist. I shook my head,
"No I don't want to go. I want to be here with him. I'll stay all night if I have to." I insisted, standing my ground against Mandee -- although she wasn't arguing. She just nodded and caressed my cheek gently,
"He's in room 419."
I smiled and looked to Umi. She hugged me and told me to take good care of Christopher. Don't worry, I will.
I practically ran to the elevator as soon as I had seen Mandee and Umi out the door. I pressed the button a hundred times, trying to make the elevator come faster. I had to see Chris. Right now. Finally, an elevator reached the lobby and I hopped in, pressing the button for the fourth floor. The big metal doors opened up and I scampered out and down the hall, careful not to disturb anyone. 419....419...419...
"419!" I screeched, nearly running past the door. I looked at the clipboard on the door. patient: Christopher Nemeth. I smiled and gently eased the door open. When I walked in, I saw him there. His arms were bandaged up to his elbow and he had cords going in and out of him, the monitor near his bed keeping track of his heartbeat. My heart nearly hit the floor seeing him like that. He was so helpless, so vulnerable. This was the boy that I had mistreated so very badly. And now sadly I was paying the price just as well as he was.
"Oh Chris..." I lamented, kneeling down next to the pristine hospital bed,
"what have I done to you?" I whispered to him, his hand - a seemingling lifeless wood work of flesh, sitting limply on top of my palm. I tucked his bangs behind his ear and sighed. I'm so sorry...
I sat down in the chair next to the bed and brought it closer so that I could hold his hand while he slept. I thought, maybe it would give us both a little comfort. Not long after that, I fell asleep. I had my head on the bed and I was still gripping his hand gently.