*Please bear in mind that this is a conversation between two people that I decided should be turned into a story!*
WALL: I just don’t think so
Lisa: if you deny that one more time im going to sit on your lap and make you tell me a story
WALL: …I just don’t think that…
Lisa: fine! *moves onto lap* Tell me the story of the three bears!
WALL: okay… well once upon a time there were three bears…
Lisa: what were their family roles??
WALL: well, there was a mama bear, a papa bear and ---
Lisa: no no no! Ive already heard THAT story. Lets make them an uncle bear, a grandmother bear, and a foster child bear.
WALL: …oookay. So once upon a time there was an uncle bear, a grandmother bear, and a foster child bear. And they all had to go out of the house for some reason…
Lisa: My gosh, don't you remember? There was the big mosquito netting party down the road!
WALL: oh yes, how could I have forgotten?
Lisa: I know!
WALL: so they all went to the big mosquito netting party. Meanwhile, a little girl came down the road…
Lisa: no no! She was a transvestite! A mutated transvestite!
WALL: …So meanwhile, a mutated transvestite came down the road. She was very hungry and wanted food, so she
Lisa: she didn’t want food, she wanted a hatchet.
WALL: she was very hungry and wanted a hatchet, so she paid a penguin to break into one of the houses on the street.
Lisa: good, good.
WALL: Little did he/she…it know, that was the house of the disgruntled bear family. First she went into the kitchen and made a peanut butter and jelly sand --
Lisa: no! it was a potato with herring fish bits on top!
WALL: Okay. So it made a potato with herring fish bits on top. it went to sit in one of the chairs…
Lisa: recliners
WALL: recliners, and stretched out in it. Suddenly the spring broke and she was vaulted out of the seat! The whole recliner fell into a dirty heap of junk.
Lisa: Junk, which later made the Golden Gate Bridge in California.
WALL: Correct! It moved on into the bedroom, because it was a slut and needed sex. It hoped to find someone in there who would sleep with it, but it couldn't spot a soul.
Lisa: So it masturbated with the bathroom sink, don't forget that part.
WALL: Right. It was so worn out after that, she just wanted to sleep. It tried the first bed, since there were 3, and found that it was too hard.
Lisa: First of all, there weren't 3 beds, there were 147. Secondly, she didn't think it was too hard. It's just that the giant chicken monster chased her out.
WALL: I see. So it moved on to the second bed in the row of 140… whatever it was. It moved on to the second bed. It thought that it was quite nice, if it wasn’t for that blasted mace swinging over her head.
Lisa: Oh, you're good.
WALL: So it moved on to the third, yet not final, bed. It thought this one was juuuust right. It even found a nice box of condoms on the side of it! It fell fast asleep. Just when it had fallen into a deep comatose state, the family, which in reality was not a family, of bears came home. The foster child saw the broken recliner and started to cry. The uncle slapped the child, telling him to shut up and get a life. It wasn't as though the child would have been allowed to sit in the recliner anyway, for he would always be sentenced to the floor. The grandmother bear just laughed and went up to be with her bathroom sink.
Lisa: Woah… this is suspenseful!
WALL: Thank you. So she went to be with her bathroom sink when he realized that some other girl had been there before her! She saw crevices where the girl's fingernails had punctured the marble surface in her ecstasy. The grandmother bear was furious. She called to the others, then stormed into her bedroom. Her favorite bed had always been the third, she never had liked the other 140 whatever beds.
Lisa: There she saw the transvestite. She couldn’t believe her eyes! She took out her sword, which did not have a name, and raised it high above the girl.
WALL: in a fit of rage, she pierced the young… girl's/boy's heart.
Lisa: The spirit left the formerly living resident of bed number three, and felt free. The grandmother bear threw the dead body in a canyon and moved to Las Vegas.
WALL: the uncle bear, free from restraint, but the foster child bear right back to the orphanage, and the uncle bear went on to become Bill Gates!
Lisa: The End.
The Mysterious Sight and the Stupid Chipmunks!
(SKWERL)
Once upon a time, in a far away land, there appeared a bright light in the sky. A colony of chipmunks looked up and said, "Look! That is an asteroid!!! It is going to hit us!" They ran in different directions running to tell the other animals of the forest.
One chipmunk came to a tree with a sparrow in it. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE," cried the chipmunk. "What for," asked the sparrow, "and I cannot run, for my feet do not move that fast. What can I do to get away from the deadly asteroid?" While she was talking, she preened her feathers on her wings. "I do not know," said the chipmunk, and he ran off into a tree, yes, physically into the side of one, and fell unconscious.
The next chipmunk ran to a stream and spotted a salmon. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE," the chipmunk exclaimed. "What for," asked the salmon, "and I cannot run, for I cannot leave the water. What can I do to get away from the deadly asteroid?" While he was talking, he swam up and down the stream a bit. "I do not know," said the chipmunk, and jumped into the stream. It was a deep stream and he could not swim. We all know how this turns out.
The next chipmunk ran to a road and met some roadkill. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE," yelled the chipmunk. The roadkill did not say anything. "Did you not hear me? Run or you will be killed!" A maggot crawled out from the carcass and stared at the chipmunk. "You’re just as ignorant as all the other chipmunks," the tiny voice said. The chipmunk then proceeded to run into the road and met up with a car. Once again, you know the ending to this.
The fourth and final chipmunk ran to a blade of grass. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE," the chipmunk yelled. "What for," asked the grass, "And I cannot run, for I am rooted in the soil. What can I do to get away from the deadly asteroid?" The blade of grass said this while jogging around the area of land at a good 60 mph. "I do not know," said the chipmunk, and then proceeded to burrow into the dirt and suffocate itself.
When the wise squirrel of the forest heard of this, he went and saw for himself. He then climbed a tree and used the huge loudspeaker system to blast out a message to all the animals of the forest. The wise squirrel, who's name also happened to be Skwerl, knew that that was not an asteroid. He knew, more than any other animal in the forest, that that was something else, something very vile and evil. He blasted out the following message:
"ANIMALS OF THE FOREST! Heed my word, that which has terrified you is not an asteroid, in fact, it is………..an asterisk!!!"
The End.
More to come soon! Look for updates!
Back to Hawk's Pool of Spite: https://www.angelfire.com/punk4/hawk
Back to Spite Poems De Lisa: https://www.angelfire.com/realm3/spitepoemsdelisa
Back to Mandy's Page: http://www.geocities.com/homicidalsquee