"Is there any way I can continue to be a nice guy and succeed with women?"

Yes. The trick is to find that 1% of women who don't fall predictably within this pattern. I can assure you, though, that you will tire quickly and give up. There aren't many out there. Women tend to think with their emotions because they are BORN that way. The majority of their decisions are made this way. If you do find one that isn't like this, you will basically be able to treat her like a male in terms of interactions (of course, she probably won't want to go fishing with you or check out wet T-shirt contests) and you might even be able to have a fulfilling relationship with her this way. However, women tend to go from one extreme to the other. They are either hyper emotional by default, or have almost no emotions, which ain't no picnic either. Regardless, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.

"I've been in a relationship for several months, and I've been doing all the nice guy things, and my relationship is slowly going downhill. I just found your webpage today and realized that I might be in trouble. Help! What do I do?"

Yikes. I don't know what to tell you, other than you might start working some of these things in. But, if you already have a relationship established, you're going to have a rough time. I have tried to "toughen up" as time went on and it almost never works. If you have a personality change as the relationship progresses, women might start making assumptions, such as you're bored with them and therefore are reacting aggressively. Or, she might think you're cheating on her, and are using hostility to provoke her to break up with you. If you go from being predictible to unpredictible, you might just shitcan the whole thing. Remember, women are drowning in a stream of unpredictable emotional episodes, and she's looking for you to be the rock.

If you're comfortable being in this the way things are now, you might have found a one-percenter. By all means continue. But even you have said that you realized you might be in trouble, so it might already be the beginning of the end for you. All I could say is, if you suspect that things ARE going downhill, you might need to pull back a bit. I can't give you any advice other than that.

"Why can't I just be myself once I've gotten her?"

Because she's not attracted to "yourself", at least not totally. If you're doing the things I've suggested, you're probably doing them because I suggested them, not because these are characteristics of your personality. Thing is, she thinks they are, and they're part of what's attractive about you. If those things start disappearing, she'll start asking herself why she's staying, although not consciously. I know from my own experience, when I let my guard down and stop presenting myself as a challenge, my dates usually find me less interesting.

"I always feel like an asshole when I do the things you say."

That stands to reason, because you've been taught to treat people the way you've been treated. I think that's admirable, but from a relationship standpoint, it is a fault, because it isn't what women want, no matter what they say. They want you to be the taker, and they want to give. They want you to be in control, and they want you to call the shots.

Is it wrong to give women what they want? Of course not. You have a problem with it because they will tell you what they THINK they want, and it isn't this. Well, now you know better. Think about it...what self-respecting, 21st century woman would say, "I want a manly man, who will take charge and be the boss and not let me manipulate him in any way I see fit."? No, they will babble about sensitivity, thoughtfulness and caring, because that makes more sense than what they really want. Besides, if you're here, it might just be because nothing you have tried to this point has worked well for you. If everything you do is wrong, then the opposite must be right!