12.2.2002

The regular season is over.

Game finals:

Obligatory Nude Scene (8-5 #4) vs. The Flying Monkees (5-8 #7)
Nude Scene destroyed The Monkees, dispite not having their playoff hopes in their hands.  Heather's spot was secure as a #4 seed.  Derrick simply needed The Mossters to defeat The Horny Priests for Derrick to take the conference.  The mop up job was mostly an accident as all he really wanted was the win.  130-58 was the final.

The Mossters (6-7 #5) vs. The Horny Priests (8-5 #2)
Jason couldn't afford a loss here if he wanted to take the conference.  Todd was playing for pride as his spot was secure with either a 2 or 3 seed.  Either way he played next week.  Its a moot point though, because Todd looses to Jason 120-84, and thrusts Jason into the conference title.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (3-10 #10) vs. Spankingly Delicious (4-9 #9)
This game meant nothing other than pride for both teams as their spots were decided before the game was played.  Neil proved though, his team to be the best of the worst in a resounding defeat of Ben 126-72.

Polymorphic Pacifists (11-2 #1) vs. I Try When I Want To (4-9 #8)
This game too didn't mean much, unless Scott scored no points.  He scored 90 as he beat Brian who only scored 76.

The Showstoppa's (6-7 #6) vs. Silent But Deadly (10-3 #3)
Pride was  t stake, a common theme, in this match up.  Jason needed to score like 300 points to make this game meaningful, and unfortunately, he only got 86.  But, Neil only got 74.  Yay for Jason.  He won.

....Team Capsuls.........

East

#1 Seed, #2 overall, The Horny Priests.
Jason gets the week one bye after defeating Todd in the regular season finale, a game he needed to win.  Jason will finish 8-5 and atop the east by tie breaker.  His season realistically came down to the second quarter of an NFL game in week 4.  Down by 33 points to Derrick, Jason needed Shaun Alexander to go off.  Go off he did, against the Minnesota Vikings.  In the second quarter, Alexander went off for 45 points.  Jason's miracle came true, and that was the tie break that Derrick lost.  Jason scored the 5th most points in the league with 1112, gave up the 2nd least at 1029.  Average margin of victory, 6.38 ppg.

#2 Seed, #4 overall, Obligatory Nude Scene
Derrick was stuck, when Jason beat Todd, as the best team that finished second in tis conference.  8-5 overall, going 6-2 in conference, what killed him was a 2-3 non-conference record.  The season boiled down to two possible moments.  See above for #1.  The second moment was week 1 when Derrick lost to Brain, the last place team in the west, by one point.  Ouch.  Derrick scored the second most in the league at 1246, gave up 4th least amount at 1071.  An average margin of victory at 13.46 ppg.

#3 Seed, #5 overall, The Mossters
Todd was done two weeks ago when he was bushwhacked by Derrick.  That solidified a #2-3 seed.  6-7 overall, will be remembered as the team that traded everyone.  Twice.  Or more.  5 blockbuster trades altered the line-up from week to week.  There was no pivotal moment that made or broke the season, other than the Ricky Williams trade.  That didn't help.  And signing William Green to $15 in the summer meetings.  Ohh.. well, owners learn too.  Todd scored the 4th most in the league at 1128, gave up the most points in the league at 1139.  Average margin of defeat at .85 ppg.

#4 Seed, #9 overall, Spankingly Delicious
Ben had a strange season going 4-9.  Neither good, nor bad.  Everyone will forever remember the signing of Trung Canidate for $10.  Hahaha.. that was funny.  Most likely the worst team in the league, starting 3 Vikings, Ben's team needs work.  Scored the least amount of points per game at 893, allowed the 5th most at 1099.  Average margin of defeat at 15.84 ppg.  Ouch.

#5 Seed, #10 overall, Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Neil had a sad season.  His team was good, but injured.  3-10 wasn't as bad the record indicated.  Allowed the 5th most points at 1099, scored the 6th most at 992.  Average margin of defeat at just 8.23 ppg.  All those are as good, or better than Ben.

West

#1 Seed, #1 overall, Polymorphic Pacifists
11-2 will probably be a bench mark for a long time to come in this league.  Not only did Scott go an impressive 6-2 in conference, but 5-0 out of conference is just sad.  Not much to say, as the conference was put away week 1 after Scott destroyed, 2nd place Jason by 40 points.  League high 1365 points scored, 3rd most allowed 1136 made for a average victory margin of 19.23 ppg.

#2 Seed, #3 overall, Silent But Deadly
Dispite a week one loss, that was later avenged, Jason never really seemed to have a chance at the title.  Like the team name, Jason silently won games.  10-3, one game out of the conference title, the pivotal game happened week week ten when Scott lost is 2nd game.  That week Jason also lost, and instead of forcing a tie atop the conference, Jason couldn't manage to make a move.  3rd heighest1151 points scored, 1136 allowed which was 2nd most.  Jaosn had an average margin of victory at a plaltry 1.1 ppg.  For a 10-3 team, thats messed up!

#3 Seed, #6 overall, The Showstoppa's
6-7 was probably right on for this under-achieving team that featured Rod Smith and Antoain Smith.  Ouch.  Average teams always suck in the playoffs because they might just go and blow up one day.  Neil started the season horribly.  But he turned it around in time to get a good record.  1058 points scored was 6th in the league, 1083 was 4th least.  Average margin of defeat was only 1.9 ppg.

#4 Seed, #7 overall, The Flying Monkees
In all honesty, the way the season started out for Heather, 5-8 is a good mark.  0-3 is never good, but 5-5 thereafter isn't too shabby.  If nothing else this season is remembered, remember week 10 when Heather destroyed Scott 150-70.  The 80 point win is the largest margin of victory this year.  939 points scored was 3rd worst, and 1105 points allowed was only 7th best.  She had an average margin of defeat of 12.76 ppg, even with an 80 point win.

#5 Seed, #8 overall, I Try When I Want To
Brian had the kind of season where nothing went right.  Kurt Warner, Anthony Thomas, Kordell Stewart.. just to name a few.  4-7 was a bright spot, and 3-2 non-conference was nothing short of a miracle.  1-7 in conference, that is Bengal-esque.  Its all about next year.  League low 913 points scored, which is a travisty knowing he also had the easiest schedule allowing a league low 1026.  This made for a average margin of defeat at 8.69 ppg.

......The Playoffs.......

Cash Bracket

Bye weeks:  West#1 Polymorphic Pacifists, East#1 The Horny Priests
East#2 Obligatory Nude Scene vs. East#3 The Mossters
West#2 Silent But Deadly vs. West#3 The Showstoppa's

Consolation byes: East#4 Spankingly Delicious, West#4 The Flying Monkees

Battle for the #1 draft pick: 

West#5 I Try When I Want To vs. East#5 Aqua Teen Hunger Force

.......Week 14 preview........

Obligatory Nude Scene vs. The Mossters
This playoff battle heats up an already intense rivalry.  Nude Scene holds a 2-0 series lead.

Silent But Deadly vs. The Showstoppa's
Dispite Silent holding a 2-0 series lead vs. The Showstoppa's, the games have been close.  Both teams have shaky QB situations, look for that position to finalize the outcome of this game.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force vs. I Try When I Want To
This is it for both teams.  They play for pride, and most importantly, the number one next year!  I Try When I Want To was victorious in the only meeting between these two teams who will leave it all out on the field this week.

11.26.2002

The Flying Monkees (5-7 #7) vs. Silent But Deadly (9-3 #3)
The Monkees needed a win to stay alive in the race for the cash bracket.  Silent needed a win to stay in the hunt for the crown in the west.  Coming in, Jason didn't have a QB after the buck-up less Griese went down with a knee injury.  Heather meanwhile didn't have a second RB but did have a plethera of WR's on hand.  Jason opted to start both injured Broncos on his team, but it didn't matter as Terrell Owens powered Silent But Deadly to a decicive victory over the punchless Monkees that Fly 75-58.

Polymorphic Pacifists (10-2 #1) vs. Spankingly Delicious (4-8 #9)
Spankingly had been money during the first half of the season but has gone 1-6 in their last 7.  That includes the massacre that occured when Scott beat Ben 113-35.  Ben set a record for lowest points scored in a game, and they killed thier hopes for a cash bracket berth.

The Mossters (6-6 #5) vs. Obligatory Nude Scene (7-5 #4)
The Mossters needed a win to even the season series and have a chance at the conference crown.  Nude Scene needed a win to stay alive for the conference crown.  Dispite The Mossters having a big game, Nude Scene just went and blew up.  The score was 145-98, Derrick takes the tie break over Todd.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2-10 #10) vs. The Horny Priests (7-5 #2)
Playing for pride Aqua Force has been very unlucky this season.  2-10 isn't fair as they are simply not the worst team in the league.  But, the numbers don't matter, record does, and they got another tally in the loss column, this time to The Horny Priests 82-74.

The Showstopp's (6-6 #6) vs. I Try When I Want To (4-8 #8)
The Showstoppa's could end the cash bracket hopes of I Try with a win.  And that is what they did, 85-69.  Neil did this dispite getting a big fat 0 by Drew Brees.

:::::::::Playoffs::::::::::

The western conference is almost done.

I Try When I Want To:  With their loss this week, they are stuck with the #5 seed as they don't hold the tie breaker over The Flying Monkees who are 1 game up.  They will be playing The Aqua Teen Hunger Force in two weeks for the number one pick next year.

The Flying Monkees: With their loss this week, they are stuck with the #4 seed as they don't hold the tie break over The Showstoppa's who are 1 game up.  They will have a bye in the first week of the playoffs.

The Showstoppa's: With the losses of The Flying Monkees and I Try When I Want To, they clinch the #3 seed in the west and a berth in the cash bracket.

Silent But Deadly:  They have clinched at least the #2 seed in the west.  If they can beat The Showstoppa's next week, out score the Polymorphic Pacifists by 211 points, and have the Pacifists loose, Silent But Deadly will get the #1 seed.  Yeah.. right.

Polymorphic Pacifists: They have all but clinched the #1 seed in the west after destroying Ben this week.  See above.

The Eastern conference is a bit more tricky.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: With a loss this week, The Aqua Teens are garunteed the #5 in the east and a date with I Try When I Want To in two weeks to see who gets the #1 next year.

Spankingly Delicious: With a loss this week, Spankingly Delicious has clinched the #4 seed in the east, and bye in the first round of the playoffs.

The Mossters: They have clinched a berth in the cash bracket after the Spankingly Delicious loss.  They can still get the meaningless #2 seed though if they can beat The Horny Priests next week, and if Obligatory Nude Scene wins.  See below for the worst case senario!

Obligatory Nude Scene: They are alive and kicking as the last race in the league is for the top spot in the east.  They do not have the tie break over The Horny Priests so its pretty simple.  To win the conference Nude Scene needs to win, and hope The Horny Priests loose.  If Nude Scene looses, then See below for the worst case senario!

The Horny Priests: They control their own destiny.  Win and they have the top spot in the east. If they loose and Obligatory Nude Scene looses.. ohh so ugly, see below for the worst case senario!

::::Worst Case Senario in the east::::

All 3 teams are 7-6.

Nude Scene vs. Mossters 2-0
Horny vs. Nude Scene 2-0
Mossters vs. Horny 1-1 but Mossters take it in points.

Tie Breaker #1 is meaningless since it would lead to crazyness.  Nude Scene over Mossters, but Horny over Nude Scene but Mossters over Horny but back to Nude Scene over Mossters.  Okay so now what!?!  With two teams involved its points scored.  With 3 or more involved, its overall conference record.  They use the same priciples in the NFL.  So, the worst case senario- Obligatory Nude Scene looses and then too, The Mossters defeat The Horny Priests.. we'd have Obligatory Nude Scene #1 (6-2 vs. East), The Mossters #2 (5-3 vs. east), and then The Horny Priests #3 (4-4 vs. east).  Wow.