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27th October 2003 - Millwall (Home)
Mental day, was having it with Old Bill till about 5pm.

Forgot to put the bins out Friday morning so mum confiscated my season ticket, but with me being 'in the know' I realised that is could be a blessing as there is hardly any agro inside the ground, I once tried to get to the away mob inside, had it with a line of stewards, before a stand off ensued, their mob ran off, obviously didn't fancy getting done ... anyway, plotted up in our main boozer at 11am today, usual suspects about, snook a few tins of special brew into the seating area, wasted all my dinner money on Friday at school, 2 mars bars and a packet of super sized twiglets. Anyway, was onto my third swig before manager comes over, says to me "Get out you fat little scrubber, your not coming in here drinking that shite" I got up and glassed him, jumped up and down on his bollocks, before taking a few steps back to let him know who I was .... he gasped as he realised I was firm, and not just firm ... top lad ... he appologises and tells bar staff to lay a free bar  on for me and the lads, I looked round for the lads but they weren't there, they must have missed me fighting an' that, but I was by this time buzzing with excitement, i'd already had a ruck and it wasn't even mid-day, also my 4 gram of charlie had been sniffed so I was feeling euphoric ... someone was gonna be having it one way or another. 

2pm lads headed for the station, call had come through that 100 bushwackers had arrived at Grimsby station, lad on phone said they looked a bit handy, rest of the mob said lets go do 'em, but I decided it wouldn't be worth my while going, they'd all get slapped silly anyway, they'd probably shit themselves when I appeared on the forecourt with a bottle of becks ready to launch at them .... instead I headed for the ground through the back streets of Grimsby. 
 
By 2.20pm I was approaching the Grimsby red light district, my boyish looks and Grimsby charm were already in action, few pro's mused over my body wondering whether to approach me ... but they didn't, they knew the state they would be in after I'd have finished with them, and anyway, I'd have said 'no' because I have a bird called Faye, such a sweet and innocent girl ... she was down at the coach park opposite the ground bricking the away coaches; I decided to make my way to the coach park see if there was any potential off in the pipeline and maybe team-up with Faye and the rest of the Grimsby slappers. 
 
At 2.33 Millwall were getting a police escort from the coach park into the ground, there were a few lads I had my eye on, they looked a bit menacing, one had a Millwall scarf and a match-day programme, I thought to myself ... I'm having him ... I ran through the line of police and into the frey, windmilling into action with my stanley, I knocked the lad into the curb and started pummeling away on the top of his head, mmm violence, blood was all over the gaff, he pleaded for me to get off him, but I was having him good and proper, 8 police tried to prevent me doing any more damage, but I easily held them off with brute force ... the lad had collapsed on the floor, I had won, so slipped off quietly through a secret passage, conveniently next to where the away lads were being escorted, all the police didn't know where I'd gone, it must have been all a blur .... was well impressed with myself, again not even as much as a hair out of place and I'd just chinned their top lad, I went on the blower to try tell of my scalp, but i didn't have any credit :(

Milling around during the actual game outside, looking to pick off a few strays who had lost their way, nutted a couple of wall in the boozer opposite the ground, told them to leave, they dropped their pints and ran like Linford fucking Christie, they knew who I was and weren't prepared to take a shoeing. 

5pm, we had won 10 - 0, Wall were obviously pissed off, they came out of the turnstiles in a massive group, they were 3,000 strong to the last count. As you all know, I'm not big headed and don't like to boast, but I'm not a one trick pony, I can win all my one on ones, but here I was completely outnumbered 3000 to 1, yet I gave a very good account of myself, and I'll put my neck on the line and say that I got a result.

29th October 2003 – Sheff Wed (Away)

What a mad day, got up bright and early looking forward to this night match and staying up past my 10pm bedtime, as we would be travelling home! Got my school uniform on, Blazer and tie looked immaculate, I slipped my Grimsby scarf, Aquascutum hat and Burberry shirt into my school bag, hoping to wag the last lesson to catch the supporters bus going to Sheffield and get changed in the on-coach toilet. When I got to school I gave my doctors note to the teacher and smirked as he gullibly accepted my excuse. Mid-day the English teacher wanted to give me a detention but I offered him out, how could he give the one and only BEN BROOKS a detention? I stood up and shouted that I would shoot him and he backed off, not wanting to cause a disturbance. 

Left school at dinnertime running across the school field hoping not to get my rocksport boots muddy, and hoping not to be caught by the teachers. I made the official Grimsby thug bus, we had some right mean looking bastards on board, one kid was wearing a Henri Lloyd jumper and everything! “this will do” I thought to myself, and clambered on board to take my seat on the back of the coach. On the way to Sheffield I got through an actual chapter of my new Harry Potter book, It seemed a better idea than sniffing sherbert off the seats as everyone else seemed to be doing, I mean sherbert dib dabs, I'm hard not a little boy! The coach let us get off in Sheffield city centre, and I led all my battle hardened mums and dads to the Bankers draft, with its cameras all over they could record me hammering the Sheffield lot and I could take it to school and play it on the video for everyone to see!

I could hear shouting, I looked outside and 40 of our wannabes had been run from the Cannon pub near the Bankers, and were going full pelt towards us, I opened the door and let them in counting Stone Island coat after Stone Island coat, these looked the business so I thought I’d go with them. The old bill tried to get us out the front of the bankers draft, but I wasn’t having this, we were staying, everyone pulled their CP company goggles over their faces as OB tried to take the pub; I didn't have a mask or a scarf so I tried to pull my burberry shirt up a bit ... I don't know why they were doing it, but I like to follow the trends, I think a few of the lads had chapped lips, must have been the Sheffield air I suppose. Anyway, I opened the door and fronted the Ob, cameras were rolling and I felt well proud, and then I realised it was my chance, I chinned one of the coppers, he fell to the floor and I gave him a few digs, I know I got nicked like but at least I'll get my £200 from U've been framed.

 I spent the night in a police cell, they took my shoes at evidence and they printed me out this bit of paper, now i'm not the worlds most intelligent man, I mean not many people do have dashing good looks and the brain to go with it do they? It said I had to appear before magistrates the week after; soon as they released the doors I ripped it up, not as if they can do anything, anyway it coincides with Des and Mel on ITV so that would be a complete non event anyway, I caught the bus back to my gaff and got some shut eye, top day!