Hello.
I am Yvuerys, a plant of the genus Tillandsia. However, unlike most other plants of the genus Tillandsia, I was born in galactic star cluster Hodge 301, not Honduras. While I prefer not to be photographed (as my species, much like the human subspecies Vampirus and Movie-starii, have an unnatural fear of such things), my physical self somewhat resembles an obese half-buried squid.
Now you’re probably wondering to yourself how I’m writing this. After all, plants lack opposable thumbs, and very few have fingers. My species has a deep-rooted psychic link to all living things, as well as some dead ones. Using this, we can control the minds of virtually all lower creatures, such as cats, God, and those little black bugs that scientists don’t have a proper name for yet.
The mind whom I control currently resides within the body of a rather ugly and maladjusted human that rarely waters me, but has two thumbs. The photo below is an accurate approximation of his physical appearance:
While scouring the mind of my new host, I noticed that inside his disturbingly tedious psyche lay the potential for him to become the next James Joyce, Stephen King, or even Beatrix Potter. Confident of my superior intellect and usage of his two thumbs, I set about to make this repulsive spud of a human into a writer. Within this website are the fruits of my labour.
And be assured that, though I am indeed an alien, there is no need to assume that I am in fact an advance scout here to prepare for an imminent invasion of your pathetic world on Thursday. Just keep watching television or whatever it is you stupid monkeys do to pass the time.