This first one, from a good friend born and raised here in The Show Me State
(what *is* the story behind that one anyway?? Show Me? SHOW ME??? HUH???)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MISSOURI IF: You've never met any celebrities.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
"Vacation" means driving through Arnold or going to Six Flags.
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
You measure distance in minutes (or hours).
Down south to you means Tennessee.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
You think Missouri is spelled with an "a" at the end.
Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.(YUP!)
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.(YUP!)
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.
Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork(steaks), beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.(brats (bratworst) otta be on this list)
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.
You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.(YUP!)
You think 44 is spelled "farty-far."
You think that deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find 105 degrees F "a little warm".
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Construction.(YUP!)
You know if another Missourian is from eastern, middle or western Missouri as soon as they open their mouth.
You think "frog gigging" should be an olympic sport.
You think Imo's is larger than Pizza Hut.
You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba and Mexico were cities in Missouri.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Missouri friends.