She is round and she came out of a volcano.
I’m kind of nervous cause I think she is extrusive[1].
She’s igneous[2] and she is black.
Her name’s basalt[3] and she’s all that.
Because I fell in love with the rock at the rock show.
I exclaimed, “What?” because her mineral content[4] I didn’t know.
She’s just like lava[5] but she cooled and she hardened.
Everything’s better because she is round.
Smooth not jagged all around.
I fell in love with the rock at the rock show.
When I said we were gonna move to my lab.
I remember the look the curator gave us.
4,000,000 years old without a purpose or direction.
We don’t owe anyone that has an eye infection.
I fell in love with the rock at the rock show.
I exclaimed, “What?” because her mineral content I didn’t know.
She’s like lava but she cooled and she hardened.
Everything’s better because she is round.
Smooth not jagged all around.
I fell in love with the rock at the rock show.
Ink jet picture of her on my wall.
I waited for her call
She always kept me waiting.
I guess it’s because that she couldn’t talk.
And cause she couldn’t walk.
Well I think it’s because she’s just basalt.
I fell in love with the rock at the rock show.
I exclaimed, “What?” because her mineral content I didn’t know.
She’s like lava but she cooled and she hardened.
Everything’s better because she is round.
Smooth not jagged all around.
I fell in love with the rock at the rock show.
With the rock at the rock show.
Mr. Kaplan rulez
An Earth science teacher to remember
Mr. Kaplan 4 life
One day Cliffy woke up on the wrong side of the closet (since he's inflatable and is kept in the school closet every night just to teach earth science). In class he yelled at his students for passing notes and made fun of their shirts. Then he started to frantically screaming "DUMP HER" and cracking himself up, though the rest of the class just gave him weird looks. Then he began to run around the room like a wild man screaming and scribbling contour lines[1] all over his head with a permanent marker. Cliffy then suddenly feels the urge to become an igneous rock. He wants to go on a field trip to Hawaii so he can bring the class inside a volcano but the class refuses to because it's not groovy enough. So Cliffy goes by himself. As he travels to the volcano in Honolulu he meets an exfoliated[2] rock and falls deeply in love. Him and Bertha travel around and he carries her around on his back...until Bertha starts to chip into many pieces ever time he touches her because she is over-exfoliating. His heart breaks as he watches his true love crumble into dust before his eyes. As the depressed Cliffy returns on his journey he finally reaches his destination. He climbs to the top of the volcano and admires the lava and magma[3]. He then jumps into the volcano and becomes one with the splendorous lava. He swims around and pulls out his handy dandy drill. With it he drills into the earth and explores the many layers of rock, including granite, sandstone, limestone and basalt. He is fascinated by the many intrusions[4], overturning[5], and contact metamorphism[6] that has taken place. His passion for the earth has gone from hugging trees to exploring the wonders within the earth's layers within minutes. Then he finally makes it to the core where he melts into oblivian. THE END! BWAH HAHAHA
So you see, there was this guy who thought that
rocks were cool. Then came a storm and he went
totally groovy.
Then the storm picked up the rock and slammed him
on his head. The poor guy, as a result of this
collision, lost all his hair. He was than destined
to roam the earth in search for that elusive
corner of the lithosphere that he could call his
very own.
Unfortunately, on his trip around the world, he
got caught up in the prevailing westerlies and
fell into a giant hole in a glacier.
Frozen, bald and badly scarred by the sharp
corners of the intrusive rock, he sadly fell into
the rift in the ocean abyss.
But luckily his faithful students pulled him out
and gave him a home. It was called 219 [a small
corner in a strange land known to the locals as
Bethpage].
Comfortable and feeling totally safe, he curled up
in a closet and only comes out when the morning
bell sounds.
Sometimes I give my kids hard tests,
Sometimes my kids play tricks on me.
It all keeps falling out,
I think I’m gonna pout.
Am I just a blow-up doll?
I’m just old.
I went to a lab,
To analyze my brain,
They says it’s a lack of hair that’s making me cold.
I went to a student,
He said my life’s too prudent,
And quit my trying now cause I’m only getting blank stares.
Grasping to control, the kids in my class.
Yo, if they want it, they will get it
They still wonder how I did it
Now they're wit it, these students see how I teach it
Huh, these students see how I preach it
You can hear my experiments throughout the day
Students be yellin, let me try like they match the skills of Mr. K
I keep teachin' them lessons on the prevailing westerlies
Keep preachin' 'bout huggin' them trees
Keep reachin' for grades higher than C's
Keep getting' lessons from me
It's Cliff Kaplan, the E. Sci T
Listen closely, even though I make them weary
I ain't tryin to send ya brains to rest
I'm tryin to put knowledge in ya head so you won't fail da test
and then you'll know I'm the best
You can release this to the press (Kaplan!)
From the North to the South to the East to the prevailing Westerlies, let's go
Y'all can't deny it, I'm an E-Sci Teacher
You don't wanna mess with me (yeah)
Got skills in the briefcase with me (ok)
Taking notes, do a test with me (that's right)
Y'all can't deny it, I'm an E-Sci Teacher
You don't wanna clown with me (yeah)
And you know I brought my frown with me (ok)
Make sure your grades don't go down with me
Yo man, I got you hooked on the forms of E. Sciences
The name's Kaplan, you heard I be eatin' Campbell's
In them classrooms with the dope appliances
In my back office, playing with my rock samples
Gneiss, Basalt, Shale, Granite,
You name it, I probably still got it
I still got them globes wit me
Even the one that my friend gave me back in Sixty
My Jeep's loaded, wit the wheels and the shocks movin
Still preachin' bout the same old cheese
(You can't deny it) I'm the same ol' G
Still here, hey, have you seen my key?
Keep huggin' those trees
Keep getting' those B's
Look around and you'll see
Ain't nobody here that is better than me
Clifford Kaplan, I learn 'til I die
All my knowledge makes you cry
If you need any help, you'll know where I'll be
Y'all can't deny it, I'm an E-Sci Teacher
You don't wanna mess with me (yeah)
Got skills in the briefcase with me (ok)
Taking notes, do a test with me (that's right)
Y'all can't deny it, I'm an E-Sci Teacher
You don't wanna clown with me (yeah)
And you know I brought my frown with me (ok)
Make sure your grades don't go down with me
Yea
That's right
Yea, ok
Y'all can't deny it, I'm an E-Sci Teacher
You don't wanna mess with me (yeah)
Got skills in the briefcase with me (ok)
Taking notes, do a test with me (that's right)
Y'all can't deny it, I'm an E-Sci Teacher
You don't wanna clown with me (yeah)
And you know I brought my frown with me (ok)
Make sure your grades don't go down with me
[Chorus fades out]
It starts with
4 rings around 11:25
In Kaplan’s class you have to try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All Kaplan knows
Time is a valuable thing
Look at Fu Coo and his pendulum swing,
Watch it count down to the end of our days
The clock ticks life away
That’s Kaplan’s spiel
Didn’t look out below
Direct sun rays will make the heat grow
Trying to hold on but I didn’t even know
I wasted it all just to watch magma flow
No oxygen could get inside; the respiratory system really tried but then stopped the heart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a dead body
I tried so hard
To pass the test
But in the end
I failed like the rest
I had to cheat
And move my seat
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter.
4 rings around 11:25
In this class you have to try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way Kap was mocking me
Acting like I was a something sedimentary
Remembering all the times I metamorphosed
I’m surprised he got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
There is a nerd on the floor
Not that there’s candy on the ground
But it looks like Raman’s lying down
No oxygen could get inside; the respiratory system really tried but then stopped the heart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a dead body
I put my rust on you
Oxidized as much as I could do
For all that
There’s only one thing you should know…
Mr. K’s hair doesn’t grow
And if it does it grows real slow
I guess that…
Is all that you have to know…
Anthem
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