Mr Wood's Wild Ride by Ducky (strip tease)

Disclaimer: Canon characters appearing in this fic are copyright J.K. Rowling. No infringement of these copyrights is intended, and is not authorized by the copyright holders. All original characters are the property of Ducky.

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"I can't believe the year's almost over!" remarked Oliver as he took a swig of his butterbeer.

"Don't you think you should slow down, Oliver?" interjected Harry "That's your fifth one in an hour."

"Can you believe that in the seven years I've been here, I've never once did anything outrageous," replied Oliver, his speech slightly slurred "Outside of the school I'm a nobody...no one will remember my name."

"Well," interjected Fred, nursing a drink of his own, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth "George & I had a really wicked idea the other day."

"Ohh, do tell!" elated Seamus from across the table.

"We were thinking of putting on a little show for the school...an exotic dance show...like those muggle Chip'n'Dale dancers," started Fred, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"The only problem is figuring out how to do it without getting caught," finished George as he laid a handful of peanuts atop the table & began making a picture out of them.

"A striptease!" elated Oliver "That's the ticket!"

"Uhh, Oliver that doesn't sound like a good idea." interjected Ron, eating pieces of George's peanut drawing "Dumbledore would never allow something like that to go on."

"You're such a wet blanket Ron," chided Fred, popping a few peanuts into his mouth.

"Why not use a Amicus Amiablus potion on everyone," said Harry deep in thought "And a forgetfulness charm on the teachers. Worded just right, and they'll forget it ever happened after the show's done."

"But the object is for Oliver's name to go down in history," answered George, trying to repair his picture & fending his brothers off at the same time.

"The teachers would forget but not the students," explained Harry as he tried to wave down a waitress.

"Then it's settled," said Oliver, banging on the table. The bottles shivered from the resonance. "Tomorrow at noon...we dance!"

"Wait, wait, wait," said Seamus, throwing up his hands "What do you mean we, white boy!"

"You can't expect me to be up there alone," protested Oliver.

"What makes you think any of us would agree to 'shake it' in front of the entire school?" asked Ron, an eyebrow raised questioningly.

Oliver, Fred & George gave the younger boys an appraising look.

"You're gonna dance...unless you want your girlfriends to find out where you spend your Friday afternoons," replied Fred, a mischievous smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

The three boys exchanged ominous looks, for they each had spent an ample amount of time at a place just outside of town over the last several months. An old civil war plantation turned brothel known amongst the townsfolk as Lady Allen's.

"That's blackmail," Harry felt the need to point out.

"Yep!" the older boys agreed in unison.

"Looks like they've got us by the wrinkles," remarked Seamus, hanging his head low "I sure as hell don't want Parvati to find out I've been going to a brothel rather than spending time with her."

"Yeah, like we want Hermione and Cho to find out either," added Ron.

Harry looked at Ron & Seamus "Okay, we'll do it," Harry stood "On the condition that the girls never find out about Lady Allen's." Harry stretched his hand across the table to Oliver to seal the deal.

"Agreed," Oliver replied, trying to stand. He took Harry's hand firmly within his. "Now, serving wench!" he called behind him "More ale!" Oliver attempted to turn around. As he tried to perform such a feat his body moved faster than his legs, causing the Quidditch player to fall face first on the wood floor of the tavern. Oliver groaned when his body hit the floor.

Fred, George, Harry, Ron & Seamus all burst into fits of laughter.

"Leave him down there," said Fred "It'll give him time to sober up before tomorrow."

~~~*~~~

Oliver, Harry, Ron & Seamus stood outside the Great Hall.

"Hey, is everything ready?" asked Oliver as the twins came trotting up to them.

George nodded "We did it early this morning. Fred distracted the elves so I could get the potion into the breakfast food."

"All that's left is to charm the teachers," added Fred "Is everyone in there?" he peered into the massive room.

"Looks like," replied Harry "Who wants to do it?"

Oliver sighed heavily "Well, since you're doing this for me, I'll do it," and he withdrew his wand from within the folds of his robes & pointed it to the head table "Per usum meum obliviate ubi statis!" he uttered & the tip of his wand glowed momentarily. A stream of sparkling light flowed from the wand, winding its way through the room towards the front table. Unbeknownst to anyone, the light settled over the teachers. Oliver smiled. "Okay, ready."

The six boys started off down the aisle. A moment later they stood in front of where the teachers sat, dippy smiles plastered on their faces. Slowly Oliver approached Prof Dumbledore. After conferring for a moment, the elderly man stood & raised his hands. The room fell immediately silent.

"It seems Mr Wood & company have something they'd like to share with us," then he sat back down.

Oliver raised his wand into the air & uttered one simple word "Musicalis!" & a heavy bass sound echoed within the walls of the Great Hall.

Love is like a bomb (bomb bomb bomb...)
Love is like a bomb (bomb bomb bomb...)

The six men began to sway in time to the hypnotic music, the onlooking students erupted into a frenzy of cat calls & whistles. The potion seemed to have taken hold remarkably well. Oliver glanced back to check on the teachers, their faces plastered with very agreeable expressions.

Love is like a bomb, baby, come on, get it on.
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone.

The boys peeled off their robes slowly & tossed them into the frenzy of screaming girls.

Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp.
Demolition woman, can I be your man (your man)

Next to go were their sweaters. Harry glanced around the room for Cho, finally spotting her up near the front by Hermione & Parvati. Their faces flushed with excitement. Harry pointed to her & flung his sweater to her. She squealed wildly & hid her rapidly blushing face behind the garment, peeking out frequently to look at her boyfriend.

Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a lil'light,
Television lover, baby, go all night.

Pulling off their shoes the boys tossed them to one side, so as not to trip over them.

Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet.
Lil'miss innocent, sugar me.
Yeah! Yeah! C'mon!

Ron tugged on his tie, loosening it from around his neck & slipped it off, eyeing many of the girls at the front, & tried to look as sultry as possible, though fearing he appeared constipated instead.

Take a bottle, shake it up.
Break the bubble, break it up.
Pour some sugar on me (ooh, in the name of love)
Pour some sugar on me (c'mon fire me up)
Pour your sugar on me (I can't get enough)

Slowly Oliver unbuttoned his shirt, sending those in his near vicinity to fall into screaming fits. He smiled slyly as he slid a hand down his chest. This served only to elicit further screams.

I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head to my feet, yeah!
Listen! Red light, yellow light, green-a-light go!
Crazy little woman in a one-man show.
Mirror Queen, mannequin, rhythm of love,
Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up!
(loosen up! loosen up)

The shirt slipped off Oliver's broad, & albeit well-muscled shoulders. The boy's skin, slick with the thin layer of sweat now beading on their bodies, glistened in the candle light.

You gotta squeeze a lil', squeeze a lil', tease a lil'more.
Easy operator, come knockin' on my door.
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet.
Lil'miss innocent, sugar me.

At that moment a pair of lacy pink panties landed squarely on the steps at Seamus' feet. He looked up only to be greeted by Parvati's knowing face. She wiggled her fingers slightly & smiled a secret smile. Seamus moaned inwardly "Oh, what a tease," he thought to himself.

Yeah! Yeah! Give a lil'more!
Take a bottle, shake it up.
Break the bubble, break it up.
Pour some sugar on me (ooh, in the name of love)
Pour some sugar on me (c'mon fire me up)
Pour your sugar on me (I can't get enough)

The boys crept slightly closer to the frenzied students. Fred & George wiggled their hips slightly & led the others into a crouch. The moment their bodies hunched as low as they could go the six of them stood straight up, hands on the waistband of their trousers. With a quick tug the slacks were pulled clean off their forms revealing a row of thong bikinis, all decorated with the Union Jack design. The girls went wild, the boys just laughed, getting a jolly good larf out of the whole show.

I'm hot, sticky sweet, from my head to my feet, yeah!
You've got the peaches, I've got the cream,
Sweet to taste, saccharine.
Cuz I'm hot, hot, so hot, sticky sweet
From my head, head, head, head to my feet.

Turning on their heels the boys stepped back up the landing, eyeing the teachers as they moved, secretly hoping the spell wouldn't wear off too soon.

Do you take sugar? One lump or two?

Turning back to face the audience Oliver uttered a quick incantation under his breath, & instantly their wizarding hats appeared in their hands.

Take a bottle, shake it up.
Break the bubble, break it up.
Pour some sugar on me (ooh, in the name of love)

Hooking the side of the thongs between their thumbs & fore-fingers the boys smiled wryly & placed the hats to cover their rather ample groins, tearing the flimsy garment away & flinging them into the crowd. The girls who caught them screamed wildly, then protested when they realised the hats covered what they most desired to see.

Pour some sugar on me (c'mon fire me up)
Pour your sugar on me (I can't get enough)

The boys walked forward a few steps, then stopped, swaying their hips in time to the music, then turned to reveal their bare behinds, the muscles rippling with tension. Wild screams continued to resound.

Pour some sugar on me (ooh, in the name of love)
Pour some sugar on me (get it, come get it)
Pour your sugar on me (ooh)
Pour some sugar on me (yeah, sugar me!)

Taking one final sway, they pulled the hats away, aroused members standing at attention. The music began to die down as the song wound to a close.

"Hurry the spell on the teachers will be wearing off any minute," Oliver urged as he stooped to retrieve what remained of his clothes. The six quickly hustled out the side entrance & covered up.

"Wow," exhaled Ron "That was so exhilarating!"

"To think, we actually pulled it off!" added Harry, breathing heavily.

Fred & George peeked back into the room to watched the frenzy die down. "Uh...I think we have a problem," started Fred ominously. The others stopped in mid-dress & waited with baited breath "Where's Snape?"

The others gathered around the twins to see if they could find the Potion Master.

"Ehhehhemmm," came a noise from behind them, it was the sound of one clearing his throat. The boys turned in unison only to be greeted by a towering man, black robes wrapped tightly around the figure, "And what, if I may ask, was that all about?" demanded Snape, his expression growing ever sterner.

"I...we..." stammered Oliver, folding his arms across his bare chest in a vain attempt to hide it.

"Well, out with it!" the man bellowed.

"I thought you put the potion in all the food!" Ron protested quietly to his brothers.

"We did," the twins replied in unison.

"Then how do you explain him?" asked Seamus.

"It was our idea, professor," replied George, stepping forward & motioning to Fred "It was just a prank."

"I see," he replied, giving the boys an appraising look. "Fortunately for you lot, the other teachers were well under your spell. I don't eat breakfast, I was there purely for show. When I realised what you boys were up to I thought it best to play along," Snape smiled wickedly in his usually way whenever he was gearing up to punish someone. Oliver gulped loudly, his hands clammy, but Snape did something that puzzled them all. He turned on his heels & walked away, robes billowing behind him. The looked at each other in confusion, then Snape called back as he moved away.

"You boys should be professionals," and then disappeared up the darkened corridor.

The six of them erupted into fits of laugher, as if the Rictusempra Charm had been cast over them.

"Professionals, indeed!" scoffed Oliver as he resumed dressing, then paused to consider the suggestion more in depth.

THE END