bark room
When Barking Patterns Just Aren't Enough...
When Barking Patterns Just Aren't Enough...
Bark Room is an internet forum for dogs, and only dogs. It is the opinion of the webmaster that dogs have been totally neglected as far as internet communication is concerned. This is the reason I created Bark Room. The idea of Bark Room came to me when I noticed my dog de-clawing himself out of boredom.
For generations dogs have been unable to communicate with other dogs outside of their own respective neighbourhoods. They've been virtually limited to the company of humans alone. That's not the case anymore.
I've created something that allows dogs all over the world to interact with other dogs. It is very easy. RUFF, RUFF.
Kurt's message (to be spoken in a voice shaky with emotion): "Let your dogs make friends and be happy."
Because humans are not used to the idea of dogs chatting online, it's expected that they will "sneak" into Bark Room to see what all the yipping and yelping is about. Well, it's normal that your dog will want your help getting logged on and becoming comfortable with the whole "Bark Room" concept, but once your dog knows what he's doing, lay off. No offense, it's not that we don't like you here at Bark Room, but it's called Bark Room for a reason. It's a dog only zone!
If your dog is elderly he/she may not adjust well to the WWW. Your dog may rather stick with more traditional dog activities such as "roll over" and "sit", especially if he/she is a luddite. It is unfair, however, to paint all old dogs with the same brush, thus robbing your pet of a great experience. Introduce any dog to Bark Room, if he/she smiles then you can assume he likes Bark Room and if he/she frowns then you know that Bark Room just isn't for him/her. You may think that it is impossible to tell whether a dog is expressing emotion or simply panting due to thirst I can't help you there sorry.
Skeptical?
Some people seem to believe that dogs lack the fundamental physical and mental capacities required to operate a computer. I would suggest to those people that they better be careful not to pre-judge and risk falling into a self-perpetuating cycle of hate. You shouldn’t underestimate dogs if you know what's good for you.... Also how would you like to find a dog sleeping with your spouse some night?One can only assume that dogs will use Bark Room to conspire and hatch diabolical schemes with the object of de-throning the human race as masters of the universe. Don't let this sort of thing happen.
It's common for arguments to occur between dogs. Heated topics of conversation can often lead to foul language and hurt feelings. Debates like, "which is the greatest dog food?" or, "Does being friends with a cat make you a 'cat loving' traitor to the Canine species?" are topics to avoid discussing.
Conversations of this sort should be held in private locales, not in public forums such as Bark Room:
Fido - "Do you remember the night down by the ditch?"
Sparkie - "Huh?"
Fido - "The night that brought us to a transcendental state via nuzzling and general affection, when we reached a hitherto unfathomed plateau of sensual awareness; a feeling acroamatical, beyond the descriptive capacity of our primitive canine dialect... A feeling that we mutually agreed could only be love..."
Sparkie - "Never has such a night occured to my recollection."
Fido - "You have inflicted wounds upon me which will never heal. The next time you're lonely do not count on me to come and be your friend. Your dirty old rug is now your only friend and consolation via the meanness of your cold heart."
When dogs first start using Bark Room, they often get addicted. An addiction to Bark Room can lead to a loss of sleep, and a resentful attitude towards the other aspects of a dog's life. You must be sure to set ground rules for the amount of time your dog spends on the computer. Other activities in a dog's life must remain constant, to ensure a good balance.
This is an artist's conception of a dog who is sad because of a lack of Bark Room in his life. It is my work. I've been told it is really good.
"Ruff, ruff" - Translation: I'm sitting on a porcupine.
"yip-sniff-ruff"- Translation: I sleep around to fill an emotional void.
This is a dog who likes to party and therefore does.
Enter Bark Room! disclaimer: no dogs were shaved and/or slighted during the making of this website. Nor were they commodified.