First Night Out from Sank


 

Heero

/ Part of me wants to break the ice
And part of me wants to leave it exactly where it stands
Part of me wants to roll the dice
And part of me wants to leave it curled up in my hands.../

High, thin clouds, paler blue in a ark blue sky, and brilliant starshine. Heero Yuy 
looked out of the window of the small private jet and wondered which bright spot 
was L2 Cluster. The last time he had come to Earth he had been certain that he 
would never be returning to the heat and shabbiness of the former American colony.

*Didn't bother to tell Duo, did you?*

Now all he wanted in the world was to go back. He wanted to be standing at the door 
of the tiny scrapyard house that Duo had found even before the war ended. Tiny house 
with a big, warm bed.

*Duo won't be there...may not be there ever again...*

He flinched unconsciously at the thought, but the part of Heero that was crying out 
for Duo's eyes and Duo's arms was buried deep in some icy place inside of him.

*Not ever again...*

/Where they will be safe and no one will know
How I really feel, and I'll never be real
And I'll roll with the punches that I'll never feel
And I'll have a heart that no one can steal /

*It's better this way, really. What good is getting that involved with anyone - no 
matter how comfortable the company or how beautiful the lover. I don't need that. I 
never needed that. Never needed him...just a moment of unprofessional weakness 
earlier today. Through it now. Idiotic when I think about it - calling Quatre of 
all people. Breaking down over a comm unit. I don't need Quatre, or anybody else 
to get over Duo because I was never really tied to that baka. Probably just my 
wounded pride because Duo obviously thinks Zechs is better in bed than I am.*

*Better on stone tables, too, I guess*, Heero thought, disagreeably.

*I stayed with him 'cause the sex was good, and now he's found someone who 
gives it to him better. That's all.

GOD DAMNED LIAR!

DUO? DUO!!!

DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!*

/ It's you and me and you're nowhere to be found
I'm rolling on the ground
t's me and you and I'm nowhere to be found./

 

Duo

/Part of me wants to break these chains
And part of me wants to keep them locked up tight
Part of me wants to stop these rains
And part of me wants them to fall all night.../

*He sleeps like a cat*

Duo eyed the languid form of Zechs, exhausted from their hours of lovemaking 
and sprawled on the large bed, deeply asleep. Resisting the sudden urge to wake 
the handsome blond, Duo walked silently to the window of the hotel room. It was 
an old-fashioned casement style, and Duo reached far out into the night to open 
it wide.

*Cool night air. Don't get this too often at home...feels really good... home... 
Where is home now? Now that I'm not with Heero.What we had, was that a home?...
Get ahold of yourself, Maxwell. It was time to leave - past time actually. You 
know this is better, so shake him off and get on with your life...Ah, but what 
kind of life, eh? What kind of life without a black cloud that I loved more than 
myself.*

Another glance at Zechs, and a small wistful smile...

*Zechs is sunny, at least to me, and certainly in comparison to Heero. Warm and 
open. Miss the rain, though. Miss him glaring at me, but watching me anyway. Miss 
the moment when passion got the better of him. So intense...so focused on me...
thought he'd swallow me whole...

/ Fall on my head just to wake me up
Anything to drench my half-empty cup
And I'm sorry baby, but I've had enough
I'm tired of your promises tearing up my love /

*I'll never be the same, Heero. I think some part of me knew that the first time 
I met you. Something about your darkness - a drive for death - caught hold of 
Shinigami...but it hurts too much now. You're my soulmate. I was meant to love 
you, but I can't be there anymore when you take everything I have and bury it 
somewhere inside...I can't take the silence any longer. I'm dying in this 
darkness. I need to be in the sunlight - need to be touched. My hands are 
hungry for skin that's eager for them...I have to find that now.

/ It's you and me and you're nowhere to be found
I'm rolling on the ground
It's me and you and I'm nowhere to be found./

Duo's throat was tight, and his breath came in little sobs, though his soldier's 
eyes were dry. He took a last look up at the stars and spoke to the boy they had 
sent to Earth.

*Hee-chan? Are you looking at the stars right now? Are you telling yourself I 
didn't mean anything to you? 'Cause if you are you'd better stop lying, man. 
That ice you're building up is killing you. And I don't know if you really want 
to die anymore. I gave you that much, maybe. But now it's time for your own work. 
You have to try or you'll never be happy, no matter who you're with. Promise me 
you'll try, Hee-chan. Promise me?...*

Duo climbed back int bed and gave up trying to fight. Zechs was woken by a 
fiercely passionate kiss.

/ And you will be safe and no one will know how you really feel
And you'll never be real
And you'll roll with the punches that you never feel
And you'll have a heart that no one can steal /

 

Heero

*Gods, what do I do? They won't stop...won't stop coming...all these...horrible, 
dangerous feelings...I can't put them back down...*

Heero was shaking again and he couldn't make his body stop. His body kept 
trembling and a flood of emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

*I'm drowning*, he thought.

*I'm drowning and this...this is only the beginning...*

He realized them how very afraid he was...here...now...without Duo...

The plane engine droned on as Heero flew closer to the boy he would ask to 
save his life.

/ It's still you and me and you're nowhere to be found
I'm rolling on the ground
It's me and you and I'm nowhere to be found./


xoxoxoxox owari xoxoxoxox
 

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