1. Romance and affection are the keys to having lots of great hot sex with your mate. Romance and affection is like doing routine maintenance on your car to keep everything running smoothly. Remember all those romantic things you did to win her in the first place? Keep doing them now and then, or every day if you can. If you let her know often that you care, and give her the affection she needs, she stays open and responsive to your sexual overtures. It keeps her spirit open to you. Romance is all the little things you do to let her know you care. Call her just to say hi. Buy her a gift just because you saw it and thought about her. It isn't the cost of the gift, it's the thought behind it. Flowers, even the smallest bouquet, always work. How about mailing a card or leaving a note where she'll find it? Or planning a special trip for the two of you, or arranging for a babysitter so you can take her to the movies? Or make her a special meal prepared for her by you. If you cannot cook, then take her out to eat at a romantic restaurant once a week for your special date night. It's still important to fan the flames to keep the fire alive after marriage too. The happiest marriages that last a lifetime are between mates who keep romance alive. You don't just win her heart, then forget the romance and affection. This is what makes sex become a boring chore for women after marriage. You know how much you men want and need sex? Well, women need romance and affection in just the same way. Anything that lets her know you've been thinking about her melts her heart. For her, romance, affection, and making love go hand-in-hand. Women prefer calling it making love instead of having sex because most women need that emotional and spiritual bonding that comes with genuine love. If you want more hot sex, give her more romance and more affection. Give her lots of hugs, kisses, touches, and caresses every day without expecting anything sexual. Don't forget the kindness and tenderness in words, too.
2. Sex takes time for a woman to become aroused. Your romantic efforts have paid off and she's in the mood for making love. When asked what sex advice they'd give to men, women almost always say, "Tell them to SLOW DOWN!" Think of sex as a slow, sensuous dance. (Slow dancing can be an excellent form of foreplay, by the way.) Be gentle and seductive. (Rent the movie Don Juan deMarco and listen to how he talks about women and making love.) Explore her entire body. You both may be surprised what you find. Hold her like you never want to let her go, while still being gentle and kind. Give her lots of long, slow kisses. Women often complain that men don't kiss enough after marriage. What you're doing is warming her up. You wouldn't take a Ferrari that's been sitting in your garage for a week, start it, and immediately run it up to 100 mph, would you? Well, think of her as a Ferrari. Men can get fully aroused in just two minutes, whereas a woman needs a minimum of twenty-two minutes of foreplay to become aroused. Don't roll over and fall asleep immediately after sex. Women really hate this. They need to be held, and they love a little pillow talk after sex, so stay awake for at least a few minutes. Better yet, fall asleep holding her in your strong arms, or sleep like spoons nestled up against each other in bed. All women have the potential to be multi-orgasmic if their mate just gives them the time they need. Don't just want get the show on the road and over for fast relief for either of you unless it's an occasional quickie for some tension relief. Always make time for each other every day because your healthy relationship should be both your main priority.
3. Talking is the way a woman connects with you emotionally. Women need to talk 20K words a day in order to stay mentally healthy, whereas men only need to talk 2K words a day to do the same. Women talk for the sheer pleasure of talking and also for bonding emotionally with others. It's how they connect to people. She understands that a lot of what she talks about, all those little details, is boring to you. So, she's going to be more selective about what she says to you. But if you give her your full undivided attention when she does talk to you, it becomes one of those romantic gestures. Understand? And you know how she's always trying to get you to be "more emotional"? If you listen to her more, she'll think you are being more emotional. All you have to do is look at her (making eye contact), and pay attention. Tell her you understand, or hold her if she needs comforting when she's upset. It's that important to her! Never appear to be embarrassed if she is crying and leave the room. Women must have the emotional support they need in order to be truly happy in a relationship.
4. A woman needs to hear you say you care. For her to really feel your love, you need to tell her in words. Of course, she wants to hear you say "I love you," but anything you say to let her know you care and appreciate her will earn you major brownie points:
"You're so wonderful, do you know that?"
"I'm so lucky to have you."
"You are my everything. You mean the world to me."
"I adore you in every way."
"Do you know how much I love you?" Big points on that one.
Whenever you say these things, look into her eyes and mean it. Remember this, you cannot tell her you love her too often. This definitely wins you points on the romance chart. And, how often have you heard one of your buddies, who's gotten a divorce, say, "I never realized how much she did to make my life comfortable." Learn to appreciate everything about her daily.
All too often women hear from others how much her man cares about her, but not from her man. She needs to hear it from your lips, not others.
Some women have such low self-esteem that they need to hear encouraging words from you every couple hours or so. Try it for 40 days and see if she begins to believe what you are saying to her. It can change her self-image if you are diligent.
5. She needs to hear that she is attractive. In today's culture, because of what they are taught as girls, and because of what they read in magazines and books and view on TV and in movies, women get insecure about how they look and whether they're sexually appealing. So, tell her regularly and let her know you mean it, that she's sexy and beautiful and very desireable to you. Compliment her on a new outfit, the color she's wearing, or how her hair looks or smells. Tell her she has soft skin, how much she turns you on, how pretty her breasts are, or how much you enjoy her cologne. The more beautiful she feels, the sexier she'll feel. If she feels beautiful, then she will keep herself in shape to stay beautiful for you. This tip should pay off big time in the bedroom. All too many times women let themselves go simply because their mate does not make them feel beautiful internally. Women are like flowers. They will flourish and blossom when water and nourishment are given them, or dry up and die when left unattended. Many marriages could be saved if the men would be kinder to their wives.
6. Her feelings need to be honored. Her feelings are as important to her as your work (or maybe sports or hobbies) is to you. That's why she likes to talk about them. She needs you to acknowledge what's going on for her when she's being emotional. Don't try to tell her that what she's feeling is wrong, that she should not feel that way, and don't try to fix a problem unless she asks you to. A sure-fire winner: Ask her, "What are you feeling?" Then sit down and listen to her. She understands that you get kind of uncomfortable when she's being emotional, but if you just let her fully express herself, and listen with your full attention, and never get up and leave the room when she is crying, but take her in your arms and hold her and comfort her, she'll think you're the most sensitive man on the planet. There is nothing quite like just being held in a man's strong arms when a woman is upset or crying to give her comfort. Oh, one thing to never say to her is, "I know more than you will ever begin to know about....." That is a sure-fire put-down to any woman's feelings, and will totally turn her off to you.
7. Making up is hard to do. When you argue with your partner, are you often surprised that it turned into a bigger event than it should have? If she's like most women, she tends to get going with her feelings and emotions and lets everything spill out. She doesn't mean a lot of what she says, especially when she is angry about something. Women can get overemotional very easily. Do your best to pay attention, let her vent, but don't let the words get to you personally. The best way to stop her in her tracks is to admit that you were being stubborn, insensitive, overbearing, manipulative, controlling, inconsiderate, thoughtless, or hurtful, depending on the situation. The more conciliatory you are, the more she'll be stopped in her tracks. If you make the first move to make up and offer no resistance, she can't keep arguing with you. Someone has to take charge so it doesn't escalate, and because she's lost in her emotions and feelings, it's going to have to be you. Be willing to look at her complaint(s) and see where you may have been insensitive to her needs or feelings. If you both agree to never go to bed angry, you'll be making love instead of war.
8. A woman likes to be pampered. Your woman naturally cares for others. She appreciates the value of nurturing, but all too often doesn't take the time to properly care for herself. You can score big time if once in a while you run a warm, scented bubble bath for her, give her your special custom massages such as scalp, neck, back, full body, feet, hands, or erotic, take her on a special trip, plan a romantic candlelit dinner, give her a gift certificate from her favorite store, or a trip to a day spa. Talk about getting a woman "in the mood." These things also make wonderful gift ideas for her, along with her favorite perfume and bath products. Sure, she deeply appreciates that you change the oil in her car and maintain it for her, or give her a kitchen appliance she has been wanting, but it doesn't really tell her you love her, even though that may be what you meant. To pamper her just remember - personal luxuries.
9. A woman needs your respect and admiration, same as you do. Throughout history, and in many cultures even today, women have been second-class citizens, looked down on as less capable in every category, and paid less money for doing the same jobs. Only recently have humans begun to consider women worthy of respect. To be the open, loving woman you want, she needs you to honor her as a person and appreciate and admire her contributions as a whole and complete person. Don't treat her as a sex object. Don't treat her as a child. Don't judge or criticize her. Never compare her to another woman. Don't ignore her or take her for granted. Don't be rude or crude with her. Don't flirt with other women when she's with you. Don't ogle other females when she is with you. While men and women do enjoying looking at the opposite sex as a sign that they are not dead but still very much alive, common courtesy dictates discretion and consideration for the feelings of the person you love. Give her your undivided attention, and it will pay off in the bedroom. Women who are made to feel attractive and desireable by their mates are happier in their sex lives than the ones who are criticized, invalidated, or judged by their spouses based on watching other people. Don't invalidate her feelings or put her down in front of others. Always show her kindness and respect. Treat her like a lady at all times and she'll treat you with the same respect that you expect and enjoy. If she needs to lose some weight, offer to go on walks with her each day, because chances are if she is overweight, then you are too, and could lose some extra pounds yourself. Don't expect her to be something you are not, in the looks department.
10. A woman needs to feel secure. Your lady has a deep biological need to feel secure, to have a man provide for her and protect her. Financial security is obviously important, but even more than that, she needs to know you're there for her and will not abandon her for any reason. What really helps is to give her ongoing affection and the reassurance by physical contact like hugging and touching, without expecting sex. If you do this every day, several times a day, you'll give her the security she needs. Hold her hand, put your arm around her, hug her, touch her in gentle and reassuring ways. The more secure she feels, the happier she'll be. When she's happy, her spirit is open to you. She needs to know you are there for her in whatever way she might need you and that you will not abandon her ever for any reason in sickness or in health, good times or bad with no exceptions to leave her.
11. A woman needs your undivided time and attention sometimes. Does she ever try to talk to you when you're reading the newspaper? Or walk in front of the TV in the middle of the playoffs? Does she complain that she never sees you, never has time to talk with you, or that you don't even know she's alive, or that when she does talk to you, it's like talking to a brick wall? If so, it's her plea for some of your undivided attention. She knows how focused you can be when you're working, but she feels left out. It's part of that security need females have. What to do? Set aside time now and then to focus just on her. Let her know she's important enough to devote yourself to her completely, and she'll be less likely to feel ignored. The rewards will far outweigh the effort.
12. A woman wants a man who will make her feel like a woman. She chose you because of your masculine qualities. Qualities that make her feel more womanly. In your presence, she feels protected, provided for, desireable, and loved. Be masculine, but do it with sensuality and sensitivity. Be hungry for her, be passionate, be strong, but also be tender and gentle, as if she were a delicate flower. Open the car door for her, carry heavy things for her, pull out her chair at the table. She's into love and romance. That means for you to be chivalrous, be courteous, be gallant, be thoughtful, and win her heart, over and over again. Make her feel beautiful, make her feel desireable, make her feel special and important to you, and you'll make her feel like a real woman, as only her man can do.
One bonus tip for men online:
Do not meet a lady online and start to talk about sex. Get to know her before you bring sex up in a conversation. Let her know you are interested in more than just sex and can carry on an intelligent conversation on many subjects. This turns more women off to men online, who could otherwise be potentially nice men to get to know better. Guys, women know how important sex is to you, but let her get to know you as a person, so that the emotional bond she needs can form first of all in a friendship before anything sexual is mentioned.
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