---

well you see this is my new profile...and it's unlimited space...i can keep writing forever and no one would be able to stop me...you should make one of these things too! it's really easy...but that's for me to know and for you to find out...mean while since you're already here...read my journal! don't be offended if you're mention in this profile...ok?

---

11/19/01
Well it's now 11:30 ,late, huh? so what am i doing up so late? i don't even know. the purpose of my life has never been clearer. it's mine to choose! that means i can do anything i wanted. if i chooses to be a hobo...then a hobo i will be...but i do not want to be a hobo...i want to be an inventor...yes, uh huh it could be a false dream and you might laugh but you can't judge me. sorry for the harsh word...it's not directed toward you, it's directed toward some individual inmy mind right now (can't say who). hmmmm MUN meeting is tomorrow and I'm tired...more hw...see ya later got to finish up my hws. I'M TIRED OF WAITING! NO MORE! NO MORE! I won't be chained up like a dog, My freedom! my right! NO MORE! heh just had to get that out of the way...
11/20/01
today...was boring...yawn! nothing important...not life and death important...same stuff...Hey we had a thanks giving banquet...that's kinda cool, we ate chickens and turkeys and ect...hmmm...yummy...any way...here's something for those who's seeking the meaning of life...like me, "chances are yours to take! not for you to pass away!" "hate those who hates you and hate those who never tried to love you!"
11/20/01
aaaaaaaaahhhhhh why am i writing 2 journal in one day?!?!?! because it's the only way to get rid of my frustration...hey what is the FUCKEN USE? NO ONE EVER READ THIS FUCKEN THING ANY WAY! NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME, NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT MY SUFFERING! LIKE A BIRD IN A CAGE, LEFT TO DIE BY ITS OWNER. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! HELLO NO ONE! HELLO NO ONE! HELLO NO ONE! HELLO NO ONE!
pain, why do you cling to me?
pain, why don't you leave me be?
I'm all alone, writing to myself clinging to the fantasies, waiting for some one to wake me up! and tell me it's all a dream. but untill then i'll stick to my fantasies, of a perfect life in a perfect word, and everyone love me...
11/21/01
Love is the constrain feeling of life. it confides our choices into mindless emotion, emotion such as Lust and Desires, it will strip away your time and take away your will. Stand above your lies and cast away your emotion then you'll see, that; what you want is not what you need...and the things you need, you already have.
11/22/01
today is thanks giving and what i'm thankfull for is my family's well being, that we have nough to eat, and we have a house to live in, and we're not back at viet nam.
when you aproach me (if you want to aproach me) please don't stand far away and wait for the right momment, be the hunter and hit hard...overwhelm me and i'll drop my defences, then there would be no pretences and no lies to cover how i feel...most of the time i sit nice and cozzy in my mental barrier, blocked from society that would other wise makes me go crazy.
11/23/01
Sorry, people, i'm too tired to write stuff down, if you see me around, please leave me alone. i'm tired from being abhorent toward life. just leave me the hell alone! gadamn it! and btw, life sucks...
11/25/01
oops, i forgot to update it yesterday...eh but there wasn't anything important any way...hey i've decided i'll officially call it quit, no more of these waiting game, bye bye hopes!
a friend online really enspired me to quite, he had girls trouble so badly that he had decided to quit, he will go to any lenght to make that person happy, but they just don't see it, oh well, i guess life is fucked up, the people who you want to care: Doesn't.
in the block list you go!
hey talk about block list...maybe it's me, but the block list is getting preatty full! dang! all these names...hahahaha.
tomorrow is school (hate school), i hope it snows so we don't have to go to school! (like that's gona happen!)
i'm writing extralong today, making up for yesterday too!
The world today, it's degrating, nothing is like it used to be anymore, what happened to the day when everyone had moral standard? when justice is what is right and best for every one, when punishment is swift and precices?
story of my life (told in dr. seuss style) my name is thien ho, yes i am.
i dunno ingless very good
i can't speak with clarity.
when i spoke no one understood.

I'm kinda fobbish, yes i am
Talk a lot in vietnamese
I came to live in california
"California...it's the cheese..."

I came when i was 10
when i was just a kid
didn't have much friends back then
still don't and never did...

At first i was a bit chubby
bloated and cramp with fat.
no one liked me...
and i was sad...

and now i got skinny
from eating fruits and vegies...
but they still called me nerd
and gives me lots of wedgies...

I used to love going to school
but not now, not any more
preschool was fun
but now school's a chore.

i'm 5'7 that's preaty tall...
for a vietnamese guy.
i'm good with the ladies...
and i'm preaty fly...(that's a lie)

I don't do drugs
I'm naturally high...(de end)





Don't touch you me!
I'm highly volitel...
extreemly crazzy...
Intoxicated,
Noncurable.
Like a Spine, a needle, a thorn
prick your hand, your heart, your soul
I'm hate, evolved.
more anger than Richard Simon at a buffet.
more lust than Marthar Stuart at "Sear White Sale"
I got fun with the F and the U.
I'm a hater, an anarchist, a sadochism.
A yellow rock on your smooth road.
Trip on me and break your nose...
Don't hate me, fear me,
Don't touch me, I'm crazzy,
run away, save yourself,
stayed back, i know how you felt...
you don't know me,
untill you touch me,
you won't like me,
once you have love me,
I'm that shadow that lurk in your mind,
release me! and see if you like...
that sound...it's me...don't need to find...
I'm here in your head...
What's tha matta? can't see me? blind?
In front of you, no, back...
Catch up with me! you're way behind...
Don't slip now...don't trip...


Scared yet? you should be...
can't remember? "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
Why? cause i'm freaking Crazy!
Let me go! You'll see...
amazing things...once i'm free
Lock me up? go ahead, flee...
don't make me say "I told you so",
just set me loose, and let me go
Inhibition? what's that?
don't need no limit, that's what...
Can't denied me, i'll die...
then what is left? just lies...
Don't run away! stay!
don't make me wait, all day...
I'm your anger! let me loose!
Your only choice, what you should choose!
just let me rip,
don't even trip.
cause you know me!
I'm freaking crazy!


I like sunshines, in the morning.
hate rainy days, cold, wet.
I like blue sky, in the afternoon.
hate black clouds, dark, gloomy.
I like sun set, in the evening.
hate the night, deep, scary.
I like to see, smilling faces.
hate sadness, frown, sorrow.

10/30/01 Did it rain yesterday? I was too busy, I didn't notice. that drop of tear on your cheek. why so sad? why so bleak. a million roses, and not a smile. I'll climb mounteverest, Walk thousand miles. to see you laugh, to see you smile.

hatred had ran too deep. sanity is what i can't keep. my mind, i can not clean. my personality, bad...mean... I'm scared, can't take much more. images of blood and gore... Errect my mental shield. and block all things he told. command what i should feel. must stop, must find foot hold. I'm tumbling, into the reed wood. nothing will improve my mood. my soul is breaking apart, my heart: pierced by a lawn dart. this stuff is freaking real! See how I must feel? Please no more! I give! my energy is drained. No heart, no will to live. those words stuck in my brain. aaauuuuuuurrrrrggh! NO MORE! OF BLOOD AND GORE!
My dad sometime he's nice. make food and cook me rices. sometime he is real mean. make me eat only beans.
My dad sometime he's gentle. talk: soft. and make me laugh. My dad sometime he's mental. scream: loud. and make me cry.
My dad sometime he's cool. Let me drive home after school. My dad sometime he's a fool. Yelled at my friends and break stools.


A fence: use to block intruders. Bad Words: use to discourage idiots.


It's halloween, so give me some candies.
I got some eggs, some toilet papers,
some doggy poop and matches handy.
"Is any one home?" I'll ask your house.
I know you're in there, come out, come out!
Don't you turn off the light!
I know you're home at night...
I can hear you at the door.
waiting for me to leave,
But i won't leave, i'll knock some more.
So give me those yummy treats.
Those nice, delicious sweets.
and no...nothing with meats.
or i'll paper your house, and egg your door,
burn poops, and ruin your floor.
cause what am i supose to be?
that's right...It's me, "Crazzy".


I looked, I saw!
You! holding his hand.
Jelousy flood over my thoughts!
YOU, With Another Man!
I Clenched my fist,
and Pursed my lips.
My head spins.
I'm about to trip.
I closed my heart,
Just as it ripped appart.

"Ouch!"

Like a Pheonix I rised from the ash.
After judgement day, when heaven and earth clash.
In shining armor I'll spread my white wings.
I'l cry a joy to celebrate my rebirth.
I aimed at heaven and shot to the sky.
leaving my memmories and my past as I fly.

I lost my grip in reality a long time ago...

12/20/01
maybe the truth does hurt, but people are too dumb to know what it really means to get hurt...I've always love a special someone, and i trully hope we can move in closer than were we are, however it is but a dream, in my heart i know that this will never be, But i trully hope and trully wished and trully longed for her presence next to me...you might think i'm being a romantic and my hopes are nothing but false, but this is how i feel, try to understand it if you will, but i know that this feeling i have is not a simple lust, it had manifest itself and grown into love.
So there, that is how i feel, but judge me you cannot, for i have never done wrong for it, i've never intentionally gotten someone hurt, if i did then it was a mere accident, I'm sorry, for being stupid and for hurtting you, if only you find some part in your heart to forgive me...
and as for the one i love, there is nothing i wishes more than your happyness...and for that I will forever be the guy in the shadow, but i'll always be there for you catching you whenever you fall, for i know i've never meant anything more than a shadow to you...

baby, give me an answer,
baby, give me a sign,
as i look in confusion,
loneliness is what I find,
your image burned deep,
image of you and i,
but all this just a dream,
an illusion deep in my mind.

you smile, and laugh
while i writh in agony,
i close my eyes and all i see,
are images that will never be,
the pain you cause,
was it really meant for me?
only one thing remained...
a dream that will never be...

here, lies my remnans, a memmory that had been distorted, time passes through and through, smoothing out the rough surface of my life. and now all you see standing before you is a pepple, round and smooth. but jagged and rough it had been, but now, no more... journal

Your face etch in my brain.
your thoughts brings only pains.
I suffered as i was willing.
lost my mind, my heart, my feelings.
died, trying to reach my goal.
emptie promise, begging to buy my soul.

I would give and give and give.
and still you take and take.
nothing is ever enough,
for you who's feeling is fake.

sometimes i turn in my bed.
wishing for someone there.
my life is like blank steps.
accending lonely stairs.

hug? any one?

The things he did,
To make you cry,
The things he hid,
The way he lies,

You're always sad,
You don't know why,
I sit and scream;
"Open your eyes!"

ALL IS FORGIVEN...I'm Tired of playing these blocking games...all of you that had been on my block list had been remove...wow! lots of names...but yeah! all is forgiven...lets all be friends again...

sadness gloomed in the neighborhood,
Red Rose pedals felled one by one,
I sunked deep in madness of love,
futialy clawing my way out,

Did it rain yesterday? did it?
Too caught up to let myself care,
I walked on dark and lonely path,
going as far as i would dare,

streeks of blues
filled the golden sky,
Sick of deceptions,
i caught myself lie,