MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE

We all know how everyone is using the AUTOMATED telephone answering system these days! You call expecting to hear a HUMAN voice and all you get are MENUS! Imagine, if you can, that you are a mental health patient needing IMMEDIATE attention and all you get is..............................

HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE!

If you are co-dependant,

please ask someone to press 2 for you!

If you have multiple personalities,

press 3,4,5, and 6!

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want.

Stay on the line so we can TRACE this call!

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the

MOTHER SHIP!

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are bi-polar, please leave a message after the beep.......or before the beep......or after the beep. Please wait for the beep!!

If you are dyslexic,

press 96 96 96 96 96 96 96 96!

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the * and # button until a representative comes on the line!

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, PLEASE HANG UP! All of our operators are TOO BUSY to talk to you!

GO HIDE IN CYBERSPACE!

Created June 18, 1999

JUST FOR YOU!

May 17, 2001

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