I drank myself sober last night. -- Jeff

Steven picks up his bowl, and says, "Look, I can make it whistle." He proceeds to blow on it. "It's like a tea kettle!"

"Jen's drunk, let's all get drunk. Where's the goddamned beer?" -- Sager

Sullivan was talking about how he had no pot, and Adam said, "You're Sullivan. You have pot."

Sullivan had a joint, and he said, "It's a cigarette." Then Greg said, "Well, let me hit that cigarette." Ryan said, "Dude, what are you doing, it's a gateway drug?!?" Mike said, "Dude, the only thing pot leads to is munchies."

The light on the videocamera comes on, and Steven hides his face, lights his lighter, and yells, "DIE!!!"

I'm not going to fuck Steven!!!!!!!!! ...(Jen)

Jen: I don't know what's going on.
Adam: That's good, because then you can't blame yourself in the morning."

Once Adam had finished "humping" Steven, Ryan told Jen to do it. He said, "Jen, just come on all crazy like." Then Jen said, "No! I'm not Adam. I'm not Frank either."

Jen: I'm going to tell Steven what you're saying if you don't stop this madness.
Ryan: Go ahead, he'll laugh his ass off.
Jen: Hey Steven, you'll laugh your ass off at this...
Talena: Hey, Steven, Ryan wants...
Steven: No more weed.
Talena: It has nothing to do with weed, it has to do with sex.
Steven: I'm not having sex with Ryan!

Jen said, "I'm not raping anything. Just sheep. I only rape sheep."

Turn the camera off, I don't smoke pot ....(Steven)

Steven: I'm superstoned
Jen: I just got that on tape, he said that he was superstoned
Steven: I don't smoke pot, ok? I was just using it as like a slang, you know, 'I'm superstoned'

Jen: Hey Steven, why is everything "super"?
Sager: Because Steven is gay
Steven (with faggish voice): Nah, Yah, silly. Geez... you didn't know that?

Jen said, "I'm not fucking Steven!!" Then Steven said, "I'm sorry Peppy."
(In reality, he was speaking of the videogame he was playing.)

Ryan said, "So Jen, are your arms butter?" Jen said, "They're slightly butter."

Sager: Are you fucked up?
Jen: No.
Sager: Am I a sexy bitch?
Jen: You're a sexy bitch.
Sager: Are you fucked up?
Jen: I'm fucked up.

I'll shine the light on you motherfuckers.... (Steven)

When Jen called Sager to tell him to come over to the house, Sager said, "Ok, but first, me and Janey have to have sex, because she bought this santa hat, and some silky underwear, so we're gonna have sex before we come over."

Sager: You're wearing the sex hat
Talena: I'm wearing the sex hat
Sager: And why are you wearing the sex hat?
Talena: Well, why would you?
Sager: To get laid
Talena: Well, there you go

Jen was wearing the Santa Sex Hat, and she said, "Steven, I have the sex hat on. Nah, I'm joking."

Ian said, "Ask me for another piece if you want me."
He was talking about pizza.

Janey said, "Me and Jen have had lesbian affairs for years." Jen said, "I've had lesbian affairs with everyone. I like the women."

Jen said, "Look at me, I got this funny hat on. I fuckin' rock. Me me me me me," while wearing Ian's prom hat.

Melissa said, "I have lettuce on my boob!"