*MY TORTURED SOUL*

How do I let go of something that is so much a part of me?
Something I held dear to my heart for so very long.
Something that brightened my days and gave meaning to my life.
Something that you my love shared with me.





Do I just turn and walk quickly away hiding my suffering deep within me?
And by doing so lock all my memories of you deep within my heart, 
where they can’t hurt me anymore.
Never allowing my thoughts of you to invade my mind or senses ever again?





Or do I let go gradually, allowing my memories of you to sift slowly through my
fingers like sands on a desolate beach, each tiny grain a painful memory of lost
love, and cause myself more anguish as each lonely day passes?





Or do I just break and crumble as my empty and broken heart has already done
and give in to the apathy of my tears and remorse?
Knowing that nothing can heal the deep void within me, where your presence
and your words of undying love resided for so long.





Gratefully succumbing to these feelings within me that grip at my tortured and
bruised heart, like icy tentacles dragging me deeper and deeper into despair
as I drown in a tempest of sorrow.
Tossed asunder on a turbulent sea that has no sympathy for my forlorn heart.





The fury and intensity of its cruel waves, adding further heartache and pain, as
they crash repeatedly against my already tortured soul.
Its frigid grip dragging me further and further down  into its bottomless void. 
All the while mocking and taunting my despair.





Do you imagine you have become the victor oh mighty sea?
Are you so blind in your misguided anger and judgment of me, that you can’t see
that I welcome that void, that emptiness?
It is but another companion on this lonely and empty road I now travel.
And its company is most welcome on this my final journey.





Your coldness and fury, frighten me not.
For my heart is already dead and been laid to rest.
The cold walls it is encased within protecting it forever more against the pain and
suffering that the emotion “love” represents.





Nothing you do from here on in can ever hurt me.
Nothing you can do can ever compare to the agony my heart felt with nothing
more than one simple word spoken by someone more powerful than even you.
Whose hold on me was stronger and securer, even now that we are no longer
together, than yours could ever be.





So take me into your depths for I welcome the silence and the solitude.

And erase from my mind forever, that one simple word....





Goodbye....











©Susan Cummins 30/4/00