Ever had to fill an uncomfortable silence? Even been stuck for the appropriate spark for conversation? Next time your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth, whip out your copy of mauveteacosy's conversation starters, the top 10. Never again will you have to 'um' or use the words 'so, anyway...' [this is not a moneyback guarantee]. Here's the latest top 10 for this issue:

1. Do you like fruit? I really like fruit. My favourite type of fruit is (insert fruit type). What's your's?

2. Did you know that Hitler and Napolean both only had one testicle? I think that's fascinating.

3. You know, I read an article that said people were less able to communicate with each other face-to-face because television had destroyed their minds. I don't think it's true at all. I mean, we're having a perfectly successful conversation here, and I watch 'ricki lake' every day.

4. [sigh] Pantera's music is so beautiful. It truly stirs my soul.

5. [only works when eating meatloaf and mash, perhaps applicable to rissoles] Mmmmm, this meal is very tasty. Meatloaf and mash is just the height of gourmet.

6. I went to see Titanic, but I got sick and had to leave halfway through. I was going to go again, but someone told me the end, and you know what, the f#!*ing thing sank!

7. Do you know, the invention of the teacosy is credited to the Irish. It has its own myth to go with it, to: [see teacosy tribute for the full story]

8. My personal mantra is 'mortein eggplant calm blue ocean boomshanka.' What do you say over and over to yourself when you're having a nervous breakdown?

9. My personal preference is venetian blinds, but I know a lot of people who like curtains better. What about you - blinds or curtains?

10. [shameless plug]mauveteacosy is an excellent site. You know, I got all of my conversation starters from it. I find it just entertains me for hours on end, just sitting there, in front of the computer, checking out mauveteacosy.