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I don't understand how
I don't understand why
All I know is it's all gone now
And I'm left here..standing empty-handed

My heart and soul barren and empty
Drained by the efforts to win your heart
To hold on to your so-called love
All I'm left with now is pain

Everyone told me it would never work
They all said I was was were crazy
But I naively laughed it all off
"He's so perfect for me" I stated confidently
Not knowing of the monstrous lie I was telling

For were not perfect for me at all
As I look at you now..not through love-blinded eyes
I see a very imperfect who seems to share nothing with me
So I keep looking..hoping to find the one who was perfect..the one who loved me
But sadly..he is nowhere to be found..and I weep for my loss

The loss of my perfect destiny, I used to think
But in the middle of my tears..I stop to think and become angry
Angry at my perfect one for not being so perfect
Angry at him for realizing what I should have seen from the start

The lone sad fact that I have yet to confront
The fact that there was nothing there at all
As I say these words I break down and cry
For I realize that the sole thing I put all my heart and soul into doesn't exist
A mere fantasy..a mere dream

So I lay down and tears roll down my face as I close my eyes
I shut my eyes hard and pray to wake up from this nightmare
The worst kind of nightmare imaginable
The kind that teases you with heaven in the beginning...but leaves you burning in hell

I sit up and dry my tears..determined to save myself from this hell
I'm trying so hard to not feel numb the pain
But the sharp stabs of torment continue to wretch through my heart
I walk dazed into the kitchen and slowly pick up the knife

Stabbing the blade one good time though his perfect picture, I laugh..mostly from insanity
Wishing he could feel my pain..join in my personal hell
But then..I step back and look at his face and start to cry again
No, I scream, No.. I don't want him to hurt..I love him..

My mind is always spinning like this now..from love to hate..hate to love
I wish I could decide who he is to angel..or my demon
Is he going to come save me from my torment...or prolong it?

But there are no answers to these questions now
For I must continue my dream
Continue seeking the truth about what my "destiny" really was.. or who he was, that is.......