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~My Poetry~

J. M. Looper

It wasn't supposed to happen
But it's not supposed to end
Destiny took a place in my life
And gave me a new best friend

I've been touched with happiness
Darkness overcome with light
Complicated my emotions
While giving sweet dreams to all my nights

I pray on my knees to Heaven
To give me a moment with him
Yet I'm still alone and yearning
The candle of hope burns dim

I wish I could have it forever
If only there was a way
I'm so terrified of letting go
Before saying all I need to say

But for now I should just hold on
To the fate that has changed my world
Thank God for destiny interfering
In the life of this disconsolate girl

By J M Looper

The many times you made me laugh
The sad few times I cried
I long for you - your mere presence
Just to have you by my side

The lonely nights never seem to end
The days just come and go
How it would feel to hold you in my arms
I'm afraid I might never know

All I can do is wait and hope
Hope that something will change my fate
Turn my dreams into a reality
And bring us together before it's too late


the cold dark air covers my face
as I sit alone in the corner
watching.. just watching
as the world keeps on spinning without me

I can't get up..I can't move
I'm trapped in this corner
chained here by you
chained tight by your lies..your manipulation
your love....

"Love never fails..."
but it made an exception this time and failed me
failed me miserably
because if love never fails
then why am I alone now?
why was I driven to this point of insanity
by the one whom I loved...who was never supposed to fail me?

love does is merely a fantasy..a dream
pursued by all..conquered by few
I almost had it..I could see it before me
but then I glanced away only to turn back and find it gone
love was no longer had failed me

so now I sit here..still alone in this corner
wanting someone to save me..but scared of being found by love again
for love will never be trusted by me again
so I sit..sit and wait..for nothing to ever come


I don't understand how
I don't understand why
All I know is it's all gone now
And I'm left here..standing empty-handed

My heart and soul barren and empty
Drained by the efforts to win your heart
To hold on to your so-called love
All I'm left with now is pain

Everyone told me it would never work
They all said I was was were crazy
But I naively laughed it all off
"He's so perfect for me" I stated confidently
Not knowing of the monstrous lie I was telling

For were not perfect for me at all
As I look at you now..not through love-blinded eyes
I see a very imperfect who seems to share nothing with me
So I keep looking..hoping to find the one who was perfect..the one who loved me
But sadly..he is nowhere to be found..and I weep for my loss

The loss of my perfect destiny, I used to think
But in the middle of my tears..I stop to think and become angry
Angry at my perfect one for not being so perfect
Angry at him for realizing what I should have seen from the start

The lone sad fact that I have yet to confront
The fact that there was nothing there at all
As I say these words I break down and cry
For I realize that the sole thing I put all my heart and soul into doesn't exist
A mere fantasy..a mere dream

So I lay down and tears roll down my face as I close my eyes
I shut my eyes hard and pray to wake up from this nightmare
The worst kind of nightmare imaginable
The kind that teases you with heaven in the beginning...but leaves you burning in hell

I sit up and dry my tears..determined to save myself from this hell
I'm trying so hard to not feel numb the pain
But the sharp stabs of torment continue to wretch through my heart
I walk dazed into the kitchen and slowly pick up the knife

Stabbing the blade one good time though his perfect picture, I laugh..mostly from insanity
Wishing he could feel my pain..join in my personal hell
But then..I step back and look at his face and start to cry again
No, I scream, No.. I don't want him to hurt..I love him..

My mind is always spinning like this now..from love to hate..hate to love
I wish I could decide who he is to angel..or my demon
Is he going to come save me from my torment...or prolong it?

But there are no answers to these questions now
For I must continue my dream
Continue seeking the truth about what my "destiny" really was.. or who he was, that is.......