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Hello, boys and girls of all ages! Once upon a time in the 1950's, a little box called television came of age. At first, the little box was good, because it introduced us kiddies to your old pal Popeye. But in the late '50s, the little box started running out of old cartoons, so it had to make its own. And being so small, it didn't have the big budgets for animation like the old ones had, so it made really bad cartoons. Pretty soon, the only part of animated people that moved was their mouths, and the same backgrounds kept turning up over and over. And a whole generation of kids was taught that this kind of cartoon was the best they could ever hope for.

But now, the old Popeye cartoons have been put out on DVD, and we all found out what a big lie the little box was telling us. So before you go any further on this website, I want you to raise your right hand and repeat the Popeye Pledge below. You're on the honor system now, so cooperate and don't yank Salty Steve's chain!

The Popeye Pledge

As an official fan of the real, honest-to-gosh Popeye, I promise to never again:

* wonder how a gruff old one-eyed sailor with a voice like sandpaper could appeal to anyone.

* doubt anyone who offers to gladly pay me Tuesday for a hamburger today.

* question the idea that two burly sailors would be willing to fight over a woman who's built like a mop.

* naysay the nutritional and culinary value of eating spinach straight out of the can.

* ponder the legitimacy status of Swee'pea.

* give serious thought to any Popeye cartoon made after 1957.

* speak of the colorization process except in vain.

* use the name "Brutus" in any non-Julius Caesar context.

* take for granted the opportunity to listen to that old sailor sing his theme song every time he enters the room.

Now drop anchor and tour the website already, matie! -- Salty Steve

© 2007, Steve Bailey.

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