3 Blondes have been in a car for 5 hours and they were nearly there when they saw
a sign saying 'Disney land left' so they went home.
A blonde is stuck in some traffic and a man with a baseball bat pulls her out the car and says,"Stay in that circle and dont move!" She stands there while the man goes at the car with a baseball bat and he stops and asks the blonde,"Why are you laughing?"
She replies,"When you werent looking I stepped out the circle."
Brunette Jokes!!
What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
The invitation!
What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A hostage!
What's black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes!
Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
So brunettes can remember them!
What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
Invisible!
What to Say to Dumb People!!
Not just Blondes Or Brunettes!
1) Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
2) Not the brightest crayon in the box.
3) Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
4) A few clowns short of a circus.
5) A few fries short of a Happy Meal
6) A few Cokes short of a six-pack.
7) A few peas short of a casserole.
8) The wheel's spinning, but the hampster's dead.
9) One taco short of a combination plate.
10) A few feathers short of a whole duck.
11) All foam, no beer.
12) The cheese slid off his cracker.
13) Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
14) He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
15) An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
16) As smart as bait.
17) Chimney's clogged.
18) Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
19) Forgot to pay his brain bill.
20) Her sewing machine's out of thread.
21) His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
22) No grain in the silo.
23) Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
24) In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most.
25) Brung lipstick to a makeup test.
26) Not the smartest peanut in the turd.
27) Has the IQ of about a dinner plate.
28) Has the attention span of a jar of mayonaise.
29) A couple of sandwiches shy of a picnic.
30) He/She has the directional sense of a waffle iron.
31) Is a bowl shy of a fruit salad.
32) The IQ of a salad bar.
33) The IQ of a warm glass of water.
34) Got it floored in reverse.
35) Full Throttle...Dry tank.
36) Dumb as a sack of hammers.
37) Dumb as a box of rocks.
38) Makes grass look smart.
39) Thick as too short planks.
40) Not the brightest star in the sky.
41) The lights are on but nobody's home.
42) You're so dumb you have to dig for your IQ.
43) Sharp as a bowling ball
44) Not the sharpest pencil in the case.
45) Not playing with a full deck.
46) His/her brain is on hold.
47) The engine's running but no one is behind the wheel
48) He rides the short bus to school
49) A few letters short of the alphabet
50) A curved line short of a circle
51) A few "NO"s short of a toddler
52) A few colors short of a rainbow
53) A few raisins short of California
54) A few snowflakes shy of a snowman
55) A few potatoes short of Idaho
56) A few criminals short of New York City
57) A few apples short of a bushel
58) A couple peeps short of a chicken
59) The wheels are turning, but the car's going nowhere
60) A few laughs short of a comedy
61) A few monkeys short of a zoo
62) A couple fleas short of a dog
63) A couple needles short of a doctor
64) One lie short of a lawyer
65) A tooth short of a crocodile
66) An almond short of mixed nuts
67) A few grains of sand short of a beach
68) Fluff straight from the pillow
69) A fire that just doesn't glow
Funny Poems:
If time is a waste of life,
and life is a waste of time.
Then lets get wasted together
and have the time of our lives.
Excuses for HomeWork:
I was being followed on the way to school by spies so I had to eat it to avoid it falling into enemy hands.
My dog ate it, then my science project ate my dog.
Oh, you meant this week !
I forgot to remember ?
My religion doesn't believe in homework.
There has been a shortage of food in my house, and paper contains necessary dietary fibers.
Hitler burnt my books.
You wouldn't understand it anyway.
Stuff to do at a Shopping Mall
Ask a salesman why a particular television set is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"
Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."
In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."
Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.
Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble, 'It's those voices again'.
Walk up to complete strangers and say,"Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. and see if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
Funny Book Titles
Over The Cliff by Hugo First.
The Cat's Revenge by Claude Bottom.
Modern Giants by Hugh Mungous.
Women Rule by Iam Write.
The End of the World by Armageddin Outtahere
Hide And Seek By I.C. You
Advanced Maths by Smart E. Pants
A Stitch in Time by Justin Case
Chest Pain by I. Coffalot
Bad Falls by Eileen Dover
Run to the Loo by Willie Makeit
Somethings Out There by Will B. Watchinu
Free Willy by Freda Wale
How to Get Rid of Unwanted Guests by Bea O'Problem
Land Ahoy by I.C.Fields
