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Ramblings of the Mind
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Still wary, but getting better
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Switchfoot - Meant to Live

No more fighting since last I wrote.

Had sex Sunday, but headache stopped poor Mike short and I finished too soon.

Got a sketch from Lorelai yesterday, looks guy enough to look good if that makes sense. ^_^ Also got the finished version of the trio commission. Looks VERY good, Mike and I are pleased. We'll be putting it on the drow campaign's main page.

Nothing from Kay yet, but I expected that, but I'm disappointed that Jurty never got back to me.

My computer crashed last week, I hope to get it back next week, this computer is nice but seriously it has nothing on it compared to my other computer.

The site is going along pretty good, guess I'll get to that and check my mail now.


Posted by Lisa at 3:02 PM EDT
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Monday, May 16, 2005
Rocky Waters Have Begun
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: TV - Family Matters

Just a quick note that yesterday sucked and Mike is back in his depressive mode after all these months. He's doing the blame game and putting me down theme again.

I knew this was going to happen. I guess we need to talk, YET AGAIN. Honestly I think it's time to part ways, but we are both kind of stuck. He would need a job transfer and I would need a place to live but we are both short on money. He wants a bigger place, so do I, but he wants his friends as usual and I can't give that to him. I want a marriage and a family, but he can't afford it and I now know he is not responsible enough to have children with me, because he can barely take care of me without be fucking resentful. He always has to bring up a god damn aid and pass me off to someone else to take care of, or get my mom to do it or my grandma, anybody but him.

I guess his mom was right, he is immature and irresponsible. I know I'm angry, but I'm tired of him getting frustrated and impatient with reality and then taking it out on me. No matter what he says I know what he feels is honest because it's always the same things out of his mouth whenever he is upset or depressed. These can range from
"Go live your mom."
"Get your mom or grandma to do it."
"You're stupid."
"You're supposed to remind me."
"I miss my friends."
"I gave up everything for you."

Would you want to marry him?

I'm no longer scared to be without a man, but I am sad that I would never have children, but maybe it wasn't meant to be and I must try and accept that now.

The campaign would fall apart and all my effort into the site transfer would be wasted. I would go back to being a bigger loser with no life than I am now.

And Mike well, he'd have his precious fucking friends, his beer, no doubt go back into debt, and fuck any girl that wants him, because he's an ass with no emotional attachment. I doubt he ever loved me. He would go on like I never existed, we cannot even be friends, he said so himself if we broke up.

Oh well, I'm building myself up so when we do part ways it won't hurt so bad and I can let go without bitterness. Easier said than done, but I will try, for him and myself.

Posted by Lisa at 2:10 PM EDT
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Friday, May 6, 2005
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone

Paid the rent and the Geico bill but the car payments won't start until June yay!

Gaming has been going steady, we even accepted four new players, so the pep should pick up I think.

Got word from all my commissions. The one from DarrkestDrow is completed and turned out better than I expected. Got a hard sketch from the one Mike wanted to commission. Looks good so far. Lorelai will start Monday and Kay got hers done for others yesterday, so I should be next I hope, so I think I might get it next month. Still nothing from Jurty, it's very strange, guess I'll write her today.

Been tired lately, need more sleep, stupid reset in Lost Realm is at midnight and I had to put myself in Stasis so I could watch a friend's account. Bleh, such unneeded stress!

I need to work harder on the site, I'm restless to get it finished, so I'll be getting to that as soon as I update this.

Things are going okay with Mike and me, we both enjoy the vehicle and are happy things seem upside for a change. We finally managed to squeeze sex in last night, wow was it good! First time Mike asked me could he cum, I came before him for once lol!

Too much info perhaps? I don't care, I'm a happy girl!


Posted by Lisa at 3:34 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Challenging Road Ahead
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: Monica - Angel of Mine

Mike is back at work. We miss each other and he's back to feeling tired but we got our vehicle. A 2004 Nissan Xterra - black. It will be 400 bucks a month. Mike's gonna try to quit smoking and swears up and down that he'll make it work.

I'm getting another commission from Kay Allen, and a few other commission projects if and when the artists get back to me. Ding it while we can afford it.

Role-play has been good, but dunno how long it will last if Mike stops smoking soon.

I guess I'll start working on the site again. Wish us luck that we won't be at each others throats as he goes through withdrawal. I'm not prepared but I hope he is.

Posted by Lisa at 2:01 PM EDT
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Friday, April 22, 2005
Mood:  a-ok

The rest of day 8 was okay. We didn't get a car, and it went by in a blur in which I can't remember much since it was a week ago now.

Day 9 Went to Golden Corrals breakfast buffet, ended up with a tummy ache, afterwords we went shopping for food which in my opinion was a bad idea. We needed groceries though, so it worked out. Took a nap when we came home, had an hour or two to ourselves and then we gamed with Chase.

Day 10 Web work all day and then watched Deadwood.

Day 11 Just kind of cruised through the day, nothing really was done or happened. Another relaxing day all around.

Day 12 Little bit of web work, car shopping and then watching TV. No car found yet though. We had sex after my shower. It was nice to excite Mike. Too quick for me though. It was still gratifying all the same.

Day 13 Talked to Lance, I let him open his birthday present early. He loved it and thanked me over and over. I'm relieved, I was afraid it wasn't what he wanted. Mike received his new work clothes an got the last book of the War of the Spider Queen. I ended up with another tummy ache and went to bed. Mike was disappointed in the series because we waited three years to move our campaign along only to find it gave us nothing to move along with. So I guess we'll see what to do now, but it's almost the end of vacation, so in a way it sucks because there won't be as much time because of work, that we'll get to move along.

Day 14 More web work done, more car searching, and I had green runs. Not good, but we had another submit to join the campaign and Thomas posted in the board so I posted a replay so we can move things along with the side quest again.

Day 15 Mike got paid today, he goes back to work on Monday. He's found a car he's going to look at today, but it's out of state so he has to call to see if the loan he received will work.

Over all this vacation was nice and relaxing. We got a lot of things accomplished. We'll see how this weekend goes. I'll probably update Sunday night or Monday morning.


Posted by Lisa at 11:37 AM EDT
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Friday, April 15, 2005
Vacation: Week one
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Oasis - Wonderwall

First day of vacation we had sex, but afterwords Mike ruined it by pitching a fit over a stupid game. So yes we got off to a rocky start.

Day 2 We worked our butts off on the website. Then we ended the day by going to watch Son City, it rained and it was crowded, it was worth it though as I got out of the house. I found the movie a trifle boring and hard to follow though.

Day 3 More web work and then we watched Deadwood.

Day 4 Was a relaxing day, we cuddled, had sex and just had a Farscape fest.

Day 5 We talked with Lance about Roleplaying, Thomas too. Mike and Tom posted on the board to move it along. We did a little more web work. It sucked. Tried to RP with Lance and it kept booting us from the room. Went to the bookstore and they didn't have our book. We went out to eat though and it was good. We went to IHOP to eat.

Day 6 We RPed with Lance but didn't get far because we got on late and he had to go within two hours of starting. Mike did some web work and looking into buying a car.

Day 7 the car he wanted was already bought. We had an RP fest yesterday. First with Lance, then Me and Mike, then with Chase, so it was a fun day.

Today is day 8. Doing good in my web games except Utopia, I've been hit twice there. More updates to follow later, by next week at the latest.


Posted by Lisa at 12:13 PM EDT
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Friday, April 8, 2005
Vacation Underway
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Liquid Mind - My Orchid Spirit (New Age)

Been a little while since I last updated but not much happened, so why bore you even further right?

Today is the first day of Mike's vacation, hopefully he will have two weeks off, we started the celebration by going to bed early so we could rise fairly early (around 9) We spent that in bed having rough sex. I pleasantly sore and he's in a good mood.

He's at the bank cashing my check I gave him for my part of the rent, later we plan to see Sin City at the cinema cafe. He'll probably do some web work or fiddle with animating banners and Hero machine, so I guess I should occupy my time with web work too.

Jurty accepted our commissions. Hope Thomas likes it and hope Mike gets his idea passed. Suechan finished Lance's already, it's good, I just hope HE likes it. Guess I'll know on the 21st. I hope to RP with them soon.

We plan to game tomorrow, no clue who is going to show though. D is back but has said nothing, so no clue there either.

Loosing my train of thought so I'm going to go now before I start to ramble.


Posted by Lisa at 11:30 AM EDT
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Thursday, March 24, 2005
Love is in the air
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Janet Jackson - Runaway

Tired today so I hope to get a nap in before we game.

Stayed up until 2 am to game with Scott, it was nice to hang with him again. Mike's day off yesterday was decent. We got A LOT of web work done. His vacation is coming up next week I think, which ought to be nice. Maybe we could barrows mom's car to go up to PA for a bit. I'll ask him.

I was wrong about Monday, he jumped me Tuesday. It was sexy. It involved a shower, body wash and lotion. Needless to say I bled afterwords. Sore but satisfying.

Easter and mom's birthday is fast approaching, I wonder what we'll do.

Been watching Farscape, still dunno what Mike likes about it. Maybe it will grow on me over time.

Pray this smoothness lasts a bit longer without any severe bumps.

Too tired to keep my train of thought, later!

Posted by Lisa at 2:55 PM EST
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Monday, March 21, 2005
Moods In and Out
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Pearl Jam - Better Man

The day of my last entry, I was right about cracking', he came home and a few hours later we were in bed and entangled in each other, but the next day he ruins it by throwing a tantrum because he got up late and did his "all Lisa's fault" routine.

He apologized after I finally said I loved him after not saying it for a day, was fine the next day and then he snaps again for not having a life because I was doing nothing but sitting there listening to music and "it irritates him" when I have to repeatedly tell him it relaxes me.

Yesterday we went to see The Ring 2, but before that we had breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants. It was a beautiful day. Afterwords we looked into some trailers, but before all that he talked about cleaning the house and carting me off to my mom's so he wouldn't snap at me. He didn't end up doing either, instead just enjoyed the day. He was horny yesterday and this morning. I just hope he is when he gets home so he can take me and feel better about cleaning the house instead of being grumpy.

Pray for me that things go well.

Today is my brother's birthday. I need to go wish him well now. Later!

Posted by Lisa at 2:40 PM EST
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Been Sick
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Mariah Carey - Someday

Been awhile. Mike was sick for a week, and then low and behold I got what he had. He got a fever blister too, so our affection has been reduced to hugs for two weeks.

We've been tired too, but we are craving each other so maybe this week or weekend, we'll crack.

Gaming has picked up some, Lance is back, which is great! I paid Suechan to do a commission of his char, plan to give it to him for his birthday. Hope he likes it. I wrote Jurty to try and get one for Thomas done but she hasn't wrote back yet, dunno if she will, I hope so though.

Mike and I have been watching a lot of movies lately.
Wicker Park (confusing but a nice ending)
Catwoman (sucked) Without a Paddle (cute but not as funny as I expected)
Westender (no name cast, no name company, play type movie. Decent if you can get past the bad acting at some parts)
Collateral (AWESOME movie, thoroughly enjoyed it)
Ghost in the Shell 2 (good, but not as good as the 1st)
The Notebook (Wonderful movie, touched me in ways I never expected)

Movies I've seen in theaters:

Constantine (wasn't impressed but it kept my interest enough)
Cursed (was okay, kept my interest but was lacking from what I'm used to with Wes Craven)
Hide and Seek (Was good just not as scary as I thought)
Boogeyman (was good and jumpy, just the ending sucked)

Next on my list: The Ring 2

Time to get working on things I've been neglecting for 2 weeks.


Posted by Lisa at 4:12 PM EST
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