From the Abyss
The Moonstone04, Xeno Night Club Special Edition!
***
Author's Notes: This chapter had one big edit to it, and a little tinkering, but most of it is intact. ^^ However, as a reminder, this fic deals with a chaos/Tony relationship, so if you can't deal, flee now. ^^ I'm also giving this entire fic an "R" rating, just to be on the safe side. The original is a full-blown "NC-17."
Also keep in mind that I started writing this before the additional July21st EpII information. So it's already dated in some ways, but I'm too deep into it to start rewriting now. Always next time. ^_^
***
Chapter Two
Eventually the boy started talking more and more. The crew took to calling him 'chaos', since it was all he would say during that first month. Over the next few months he expanded his vocabulary, but it was only a few random words at a time. But then the words started to accumulate quicker, and around year's end he started speaking in sentences.
Communication with chaos had improved, but he remained as mysterious as ever. Questions about his name and where he had come from still only received a shrug. Pressing him never got anyone anywhere.
chaos was still like a shadow, but Tony had long become used to it.
"Tony, this is boring." chaos was standing next to the pilot seat on the Elsa bridge, as usual. "The ship can fly itself, let's go."
"I'm the pilot, this is where I belong." Tony crossed his arms importantly. "You never know what could happen. I have to stay alert."
"Nothing's happening. Nothing ever happens. It's boring."
"Pfft. Go watch U.M.N. transmissions with Hammer."
"Only if you come with me."
"chaos... You do realize I don't have you by a tether. You're free to wander the ship by yourself. If you're bored, go do something."
"I don't want to be by myself." chaos told him.
"Then go bug Matthews, and he can tell you about all the money he owes on this ship for the umpteenth time. He's probably still in the restaurant half-drunk out of his mind."
With a soft exasperated sound, chaos wandered towards the back of the bridge. When Tony realized that chaos had actually moved away, he nearly turned all the way out of the pilot's seat. He found that chaos had only gone higher on the bridge and was just swaying slightly, tapping his foot as he tended to do when he was thoughtful or bored. In this case, probably the latter.
Folding his arms behind his head, chaos turned to give him the full force of those big blue eyes. "Please Tony, walk with me?"
"I don't see why you can't just walk around here." Tony ran a hand back through his hair. "But what the hell. Just stop with the face."
They left the bridge. "Tony?"
"Yeah?"
"Is the captain going to make me leave?"
Tony stopped. "What..."
chaos glanced towards the cabins, then returned his solemn gaze. "Hammer has said... He said everything was calming down. And the captain..."
"Is that what's been bothering you? You had to drag me out here to tell me that?"
"I wanted to make sure you were paying attention to me."
Tony blinked. "Oh. Well, I don't know. The captain did say we were going to drop you off when we finally came into port. I don't think he's changed his mind."
"I don't want to go." chaos said softly. "I... I don't have anywhere to go. Can't I stay? Can't I do something?"
"I'm sure I can... I can talk to Matthews." Tony felt like he was trying to reassure himself as much as chaos. "Besides, it's probably too soon to be heading back. I wouldn't get too worked up over something Hammer says."
chaos seemed to consider this. Then he embraced Tony. "Don't let me go."
Letting go was the last thing on Tony's mind. Holding onto chaos was just too nice. His hair smelled sweet and powdery. The desire to bury his nose in it was almost too much. chaos was so warm and soft. Tony wanted...
chaos trembled.
Tony closed his eyes. What was he thinking? He was straight, wasn't he? He'd been with girls before, so he must be, right? He wasn't really thinking that way about chaos. Right? God, his pants were starting to strangle him.
chaos made a soft breathy sound that made Tony open his eyes.
A guy couldn't like guys if they liked girls too, right? Oh wait... Aw, hell. Oh no... If Matthews... No, worse, if Hammer walked in now and found them like this...
It took all the will power he had to pull away from chaos. Tony knew his face was cherry red, but he tried to compose himself. "Don- Don't worry about it. It's gonna be okay."
He tried to tell himself chaos wasn't staring at his crotch. Nodding, the silver-haired boy wouldn't meet his eyes. "I understand."
To Tony's disbelief, chaos turned and exited through the elevator.
***
After that, Tony wasn't sure what to do. His emotions were a mess. He was so confused. What did he want? Maybe it would be better if chaos did go away. Then he might not think about him all the time the way he did. His life could go back to the way it was before. It would be so much easier.
But the thought left him painfully empty inside.
That was yesterday, and since then chaos had been avoiding him. Matthews and Hammer knew that something was wrong, but they had no idea. Tony let them believe that chaos was just tired of hanging around him all the time. It was really all he could tell them.
Entering the restaurant, he found chaos sitting alone at the bar. If he noticed Tony come in, he gave no notice. He was deeply involved in a card game with the robotic bartender, his elbow on the table and his cards pressed to his lips.
When Tony looked at chaos, all he could think of was how his body felt pressed against his own. The physical memory made him burn all over again.
"Yo, chaos." It felt like someone else talking a mile off as he trudged inside.
There was no reaction from chaos. He simply selected a card from his hand and put it down. His robotic opponent hummed and metallic joints clacked as it came to life to make its move. Tony sat down next to chaos.
"Tony." chaos nodded curtly.
"About yesterday." Tony fumbled for words. "I- I didn't mean... I mean, y'know... I don't want you to go either. You get me, right?"
"Maybe."
Bowing his head in frustration, Tony buried his hands in his already messy hair. "Aw, c'mon chaos, why do you have to make this so hard?"
A whisper of a smile graced chaos' features. "Tony, I'm just playing cards. Do you want to play with me after I'm done with this game?"
Tony gave him a hard stare. Then he sighed and dug into his pockets for his deck.
***
The next morning, Tony still didn't know what he was going to tell Matthews. And if he didn't come up with something soon, chaos was going to get distant again. As it was, chaos was already up and out of the cabin by the time Tony woke up.
At breakfast, Hammer leaned over the back of the booth where Tony was sitting. "Hey," he whispered. "What's up with chaos?"
Tony shrugged. "How should I know?"
"I'm just tired, that's all." chaos smiled as he approached the booth. "I didn't sleep well." He sat across from Tony, though he didn't make eye contact.
"Well, I slept like a baby." Hammer told them. "Last night the captain told me we're finally heading back to port. We'll finally be getting a change in scenery!"
chaos smiled weakly into his oatmeal.
"Are you sure about that?" Tony stirred his spoon slowly. "Those mob guys might still be waiting for you. If I were you, I wouldn't want to head back so soon."
"It's been over a year, and there hasn't been any activity around where we're going." Hammer said. "I thought you of all people would be overjoyed to be heading back. Just think, finally after a whole year, real food and real girls!"
Across the table, chaos started choking on his breakfast.
Half rising out of his seat, Tony handed him a glass of water. Accepting it, chaos drank deeply while Tony moved behind him and placed a hand on his back.
"You okay?" Tony asked.
chaos nodded. "Thanks, I'm fine now."
"Shouldn't eat so fast." Hammer said. "Well, I'll be down below if anyone needs me. Gotta make sure everything's good to go for the return trip!" He grinned. With a half wave, he disappeared out the restaurant doors.
Watching Hammer go, Tony slid back into his seat. He looked to chaos, but the other boy was staring into his water glass.
"chaos?"
With a slight jump, chaos lifted his head. "Hm?"
"I'm going to talk to Matthews today. We'll work something out. Don't worry about it, okay?" Tony tried to sound confident, even though his stomach was twisting into knots.
chaos smiled and lowered his gaze. "Tony, maybe I should talk to him. I don't want to cause you anymore trouble. In fact, maybe..."
Before Tony knew what he was doing, he reached across the table and clasped chaos' hand. It was warm.
"I said I was going to talk to him. Besides, I've known him the longest, it's better that I do it. And you aren't trouble."
A slender silver eyebrow curved skeptically.
"Please let me do this." Tony's thumb slipped across chaos' fingers.
"Okay." chaos nodded and looked away at the stars gliding by the window. He squeezed Tony's hand and lingered a moment before pulling away. "But right now, I just want to finish breakfast."
***
Tony found Matthews on the bridge. From the interest he was giving his console on the captain's chair, Tony knew he was probably planning their next destination. It was time to get it out and over with.
"Captain, you can't be serious about heading back already."
"Now what're ya complaining about?" Matthews glanced over.
"I know the plan was to drop off chaos at the first opportunity." Tony said. "But the world out there is still too dangerous, and he's a complete blank slate. You know that. If we abandon him out there, who knows what will happen to him!" His voice was beginning to rise. "I want him to stay with the Elsa."
"You crazy?!" Matthews looked incredulous. "Tony, I didn't wanna frighten you guys, but c'mon, use your common sense! Look at 'im! He doesn't look like any kind of Realian I've ever seen, but there's something not right about 'im! He came from Miltia, for god's sakes! Keeping him around is only gonna bring more trouble that we don't need!"
"I- I can't believe you! Did you pull him out of the frying pan just to throw him back into the fire? chaos is all alone, we're all he's got." Tony knew he was toeing over the line, but his fury pushed him on. "I don't care what you think he is! He's done nothing other than look for acceptance!"
"Tony..." Matthews growled in warning.
"Look, if he goes, then I go!" Tony clenched his fists.
"No!"
Tony and Matthews turned in surprise at chaos' sudden entrance at the back of the bridge. He was staring at Tony with a frown. "I won't let you do that, Tony. If I have to go, then I'll go. I don't want to cause any trouble."
Matthews tugged on the brim of his cap. He seemed somewhat ashamed, and Tony was damned glad. But guilt wasn't enough to persuade Matthews.
"I wasn't gonna break it to you quite like that." The captain turned to chaos. "But I guess there's no use trying to be delicate anymore."
"That isn't like you, captain." chaos smiled sadly.
"Yeah, well, when we stop at the next dock colony, I'll try to find you some help." Matthews told him. "With all the war orphans out there, you'll hardly be alone. It won't be so bad, you'll see."
"I've heard enough." Tony stormed off the bridge. If he had to listen to Matthews for one more second, he knew he might do something regrettable.
When he finally stopped, he was all the way back in the rear hanger. The burning inside that had fueled him up until that point went cold. It felt like a big gaping hole had been burned out of his gut. Tony fell cross-legged to the cold metal floor.
Hunched over, he held his head in one hand. Like hell he was gonna cry. He took a few deep breaths. There had to be something he could do. If he could just sort himself out long enough to think.
Soft footsteps echoed in the big lonely hanger.
"It sure is cold back here." chaos said, sitting next to him.
"I don't get you."
"What don't you get?"
"I told you I would handle it. Why did you have to cut in like that? I thought you wanted to stay on the Elsa!"
"I do." Blue eyes looked up at him. "But I meant what I said. I don't want to be trouble. You belong on the Elsa."
"So do you." Tony said firmly.
Lowering his gaze, chaos' face was lost in silver.
Elsa hummed while they sat in warm silence. It was dark and smelled of cold metal. chaos was right, this was his home. He couldn't imagine living anywhere else, not anymore. When he was at the pilot's controls, he truly felt alive. He wanted that for chaos.
"Everything feels like a dream. A dream I float through without being able to touch anything. I can see the colors, and it's so beautiful. But I just can't touch it." chaos was staring down at his palms.
Tony blinked. "Huh?"
With a soft sigh, chaos tucked his arms around himself. "It's nothing important. Just a little uneasy. But I'll be fine."
At that moment, chaos seemed smaller and lonelier than Tony had ever seen him. His arm went around the boy's shoulders and pulled him close. chaos leaned into him, his head finding comfort on Tony's chest. Closing his eyes, Tony lay a cheek against silken hair.
For a long time they stayed that way.