WAYS TO CONFUSE YOUR ROOMMATE



Start the day by laughing a lot, then tell your roommate "Don't worry, be happy." Sing the song to your roommate.

Take your roommate's underwear and wear it.

Donate your roommate's clothes to Goodwill.

Just smile; smile a lot at your roommate.

Tell your roommate that a secret admirer called, but you can't remember what was said.

Eat with your mouth wide open when your roommate is around.

Eat food that you know you didn't buy and then tell your roommate you don't know what happened to it.

Sit up. Say, "time to make the donuts." Leave. Do this often.

Every five minutes, get up, open the door, peek out, close the door and look relieved.

Express an extreme fear of sunlight. Move away from and flinch at areas of the room that are sunny.

Pick up the phone every five minutes and say, "hello." Look confused and hang up.

Unwrap a candy bar. Eat the wrapper and throw the chocolate away.

When listening to the radio, sing along with different lyrics and a different tune.

Address your roommate by a different name every time you talk to him or her

Constantly drink from an empty glass.

Every time you handle something of your roommate's, use a tissue or gloves.

While unlocking your door with the key, complain that the engine won't start.

Name your animal crackers. Mourn for them after you eat them.

Get a pet rabbit. At a designated time every day, take the rabbit into the bathroom and engage in loud shouting matches. If your roommate inquires, refuse to discuss the situation.

Try to make meals using your roommate's electric blanket.

Put black tape over the eyes of the people in your roommate's pictures. Complain that they were staring at you.

Everytime your roommate falls asleep, wait ten minutes, wake him or her up and say, "it's time to go to bed now."

Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that she/he reimburse you.

Shoot rubber bands at your mate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.

Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.

Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up and announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.

Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.

Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with, "Didja ever wonder why" Be creative.

Always flush the toilet three times.

Listen to radio static.

Cover one of the walls with polaroids of fire hydrants from all over the city. Tell your roommate that you think that you were a dog in a former life. Stare lovingly at the photos, and make frequent trips to the bathroom.

Soon you'll be living all by yourself!



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