I'm gonna see a doc
I know that Aaron is a brat that he can't keep a secret. I should have shut up but who could I have talked to? I mean...we always tell each other everything. I really didn't know what else to do. I was so angry...at myself and at her. And so yeah...we argued cause of me and I left breaking a door. I just didn't take care of it. I just ran to the bus and got drunk and high to relax. I didn't know what else to do. But then I felt so guilty. I knew it. I knew I had to calm down. So I told Aaron about it...loosing my temper more than usual. Then I went to see her and talked...well before I tried to talk. But she was like reluctant to it. Scared to be close to me. I so understood at that time that I did a huge mistake. But we talked and I apologized and I told her that I would never hurt her that I cared to much for her. And it's true. I'm not saying crap...I do. So things calmed down I agreed on going to Ryanne and Mike's wedding. Don't really know them. So it wasn't that buy but people ignored me and I left at the end. I didn't go with them to the reception and then mom called as I was getting in a club. She was soooooo mad at me. She was like...I didn't educate u like that and bla bla bla...U have problems and bla bla. Well thank you Mom! Geez...Miles already told me that I had to see a doc. And now Mom & Dad think I should. She even gave me the number of someone in Florida. I might call them...but what if I loose my temper again and hurt someone this time? Maybe I should go before end of tour. I don't know...I really don't. I'm gonna call them and explain what's going on. Even thought I'm sure mom already told everything. But yeah I'll see what they say and if I have to go or if I can wait till it's over.

Nighty
Alright Brian is gone. Yep he left the tour like that without telling everyone. But we still did the concerts. Yeah really nothing interesting. I don't really remember. This tour just sucks. There is just nothing! I mean...geez! Thanks god we're going to l.a. I'll be able to stay home and be with my ppl. i'm gonna go see the gang then I'll ask the guys there. I am not moving away from HOME!!! HOME!! Haha! I'm a jerk yeah. A girl told me so last night because I just picked her friend instead of her. Excuse me!! Hello?? I'll never get women really. Too complicated for me. Wowo. Tv sucks nothing and I finished my weed!!! I just have like...one joint. Bla I'll call someone later. Yep. Well I guess whatever. I'm tired.

Insomnia
I can't sleep and it sucks. I'm tired and I can't!! Aren't you supposed to sleep if you're tired? Well if rules changed warn me please!! Fuck fuck! Right now we're going to San Francisco. So yeah not bad. The country is nice. I have music but I can't fucking play video games cause it makes too much noise. Yeah the guys are used to it. I knew I should have gone to my bus. Oh well. Not bad. Grrr!! I wanna sleep! Oh! Funny thing!! tadaaa!! Guess who I saw naked with someone else NAKED in the pool of the hotel?? CALISTA WITH AUSTIN!! Wowo!! So fucking funny. I couldn't stop laughing man!! Miles came right after me and she was like why r u laughing and she saw them. Damned! She was like i'm going to vomit. Too funny. Woooo!! Even worse than me. She says I'm a player but she's worse. I mean me, Kev, now Austin and I'm sure that she has Jay and Bri as targets. Watch out guys! Wouldn't want you to get in trouble! Don't make the same mistake I did! God! Poor Howie thought. Girls don't like him much. I wonder why. Maybe if AJ stopped joking about him being gay. Yeah. Kevin when through that too. But he's not as secret as Howie about his love life. Sometimes he's like I broke up and I'm like you had a girlfriend?? But it's cool. I should do that too. But I really wonder why people are so interested about my love and sexual lives. Is there something special or what? Are they so bored with themselves that they have to sneak in my things like that? Woooo. I'm feeling like going to college and take classes of philosophy. Okay I got too much weed today because sitting in a class and doing nothing it sucks. Like I had the experience. Okay I guess it's time to sleep now. Mmmkay...I'm too high.

Alright...
Just when things seemed to get better...BAM! Crappy thing coming. Not really crappy. Okay...well...Miles and I had a talk. Yeah we kinda told each others 'feelings'. Yeah she came running after me to see if I was okay. Oh! Got in a fight with Tony because that ass was...and stil is dating Britney!! My sister!! And he's supposed to be my friend!! Bastard. So...we got into a fight. I left because Kevin came and with Xander they broke us apart. So i got into the bus and Miles followed. So yeah...seems I'm saying the same thing over and over. To make this short we're together. Officialy...but not like I've always been. Like...we have an open relationship. Which is totally cool...great...because that's what I need. Not need but...I like it better. I mean if Cali would have been...no. Either way it wouldn't have work. She's with Kevin anyways now. My gosh. Kev has problems seriously. A psycho now THAT! But he does what he wants. So yeah...seems like everything okay but no. So Sky called and I forgot my cell and Austin, that guy i'm sharing my room with answered and he told her I was with Miles. Great! Now she's all over me saying that I lied to her and bla bla...but I didn't. I have feelings for her. I mean...Sky and I...I'll always have feelings for her. But I like Miles a lot. She's fun. I feel like I can do what I want with her. But Sky...she always tried to tie me down. And she's still triyng to. I'm going to see her once I'll be in L.A anyways. Maybe she would have calm down at that time. I hope so.

Confused?
I really don't know what to do or think. Okay let's just say that I told Calista about Miles and I and she laughed saying she wasn't surprised. Bitch. Can't believe I dated a girl like that. But everyone makes mistakes I guess. Yeah...so anyways...oh! Guess who I met. Sky! Skylar. Geez! I haven't seen the girls for year and there she was in the same hotel. She's engaged to Mike from Linkin Park. I was surprised but happy for her. She deserved it. Yeah so she came with me to my room. Okay first I have to point this out, standing in the rain makes you wet so I had to change and I purposed Sky to come with me so we could chat. I didn't do it cause I wanted to do her! Well...okay at the end we slept together but...I felt bad. Not really but...just to see her cry. She was freaking out Mike would know. Just told her not to tell him and that it'll be okay. She finally calmed down. Yeah. I wish we passed more time together. It's just...I don't know. It's good to know that...I don't know how to say this. It's just that Sky knows me...well how I was. You know it's just. I don't know. But it's impossible for her and I to do try it again. She's gonna get married. Yeah...I told Kev I saw her. He's an ass. Seriously the guy has something wrong in his mind. Geez. He was all touchy with Cali at the arena. I don't care if he wanna fuck her fine...But I thought he had better tastes in girl. Doesn't surprise me much thought. He's dating a psycho.
Oh...well. There is...Miles. How can I say that? I care for the woman...bunches as Aaron says. yeah...I really do but...she loves Brian, and I know that her and I will be just friends. But geez! Why does she have to stay with that bastard?! He's not worth it. She should be with me. Or maybe not. I don't know. I wanna be with her, but I still wanna have fun around, and I wanna have what Sky and I used to have.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Fucking coke.

This is even worse than Soap
I really am a bastard. I swear to God that all that happened I didn't plan it. I really understand now why some people just hate me. Well...I kinda slept with someone else than my girlfriend. And this person is my best friend's girlfriend. Okay to make it clear I slept with Miles. But...But...we were both really not in a normal state will say. I just...I can't believe I did it. I cheated again on Calista man! But...with someone I hate. I mean. We hate each other. Well before. I mean...She's fun in fact. Before doing it we were at the club together, danced then went to the movie. I mean...I even told her about Ted. And no one knew. I mean...I always liked her style and attitude. I mean...the woman is fine! I am so jealous of Brian. I know I have Cali but it's not the same. Sometimes I just feel like we're strangers and now all I want it to be with Miles again. I want to be close to her again. We I don't know. I don't know. But she's with Brian and I'm with Cali. And I want to make things work with her. I just have to forget all this thing. Like it never happened. Yeah. It never happened.

They are so wrong
Seems like...well everyone thinks that Nick Carter is the stupidest boy on Earth and this is so false. Alright I'm not one of the smartest guys but I'm not just an idiot I mean...geez! Alright...I don't even know what to say or why I just said so. Gosh! I still can't believe I burned our bus. Yeah...I did and Miles told me to tell everyone that she did. Why? Because she knows I'll never hear the end of this and that I have enough people on my back right now. Nice isn't it? Yeah...but weird. I mean...she hates me and I hate her. Sometimes they are just things that I don't get at all. And this is probably one of them. I really can't wait for this end of tour. I mean...this is the worse I've ever had. We have a stalker and I swear that when we find who it is...if we ever find out who it is...i'm gonna kill him or her. Whoever it is. It freaks me out I mean...doesn't that person has better to do than scare us? Geez! It's not fun really. Get a life! This just sucks. I wanna leave. Everything. Go to a desert island by myself. My two supposed best friends ignore me totally. Brian thinks I'm a moron like most of people on this tour and Tony...well...don't have a clue what's going on with him. I haven't seen him for...weeks. Which is weird because we're stuck on the same tour. Same for my little sister. Called the parents and told me that she left some days ago for god knows what. Okay...Hello?! I mean...i'm not the center of the world I know that but...would they...how can I say...would it be hurtful just to...be friends like they claim to be? Seems like the only person who only cares about me it's Cali and even sometimes I have the feeling that the only thing she wants is to be away from me. What did I do? What am I supposed to do? Shut up and say yes to whatever they tell me? Well sorry people but I have a mind and I use it. Yes I do. Surprising I know. I'm just like everyone. They really need to clear their minds cause if they don't...I'm out of here...for real.

Oh!
What a surprise! When I looked into my bag I found in my socks some weed!! Woooooooowoooooo!!! But...what the hell was that doing in MY SOCKS??? Can someone answer me?? No of course cause besides me, my bag and my socks no one knows I got...that. Yeah...Mmmm...so I decided to take a joint. I mean...make!! MAKE!! Mmm...I can write. Seems like the pen is getting of my hands by itself. ANyway...I smoked and damned!! Missed that!! I swear!!Feels good to relax, by myself. Mmmm...I guess I better go and see the others. Been gone the whole day. They must be freaking out. Yeah...Nicky is gone. oh my gosh!
Damned! Asses!

I fucked up
Whenever things go well...I have to screw up. Well not totally my fault. But still. Jen and I slept together at Miles party well that was I mean, we knew nothing was gonna come from here. And...Calista and I...perfect I mean...I care for her, we're close, we love to hang together, we have fun...and we made love. Yeah...I guess we can say so because...we both have feelings for each other. So, everything perfect.
Until...jen called me and told me she is pregnant. Yeah. Me Nick i'm going to be a father. Can't believe it. And...right after she told me so...we slept together. And I just couldn't stay with Cali knowing what I did. So we broke up but we're still friends. I need to be with her, I need her as a friend. Yeah..well now I have to organize things with Jen. Man! I hate this! Nex time...okay...I won't do it. Whenever I get drunk I don't think. Okay I end this here.

I forgot
I completely forgot that I had a diary. I just found it in my bunk, under the pillow and cover yeah, my bunk is a mess. I just found a pen and a CD that I've lost right at the beginning. I should get more order in here. If not Kevin will get on my back as he always do but hey, Kevin not yelling at his little brother Nick cause of the mess isn't a tour. I'll just nod, say yes, order and put the mess again! Anyway, a lot of time passed and I'm not saying that a lot of things happened, or nothing happened but whatever. Calista and I are together. The day right after the party I apologized to her and I really meant it. I was drunk and didn't remember what I told her but everyone on my back reminded me that it must have been bad. SO anyway...I apologized, and yeah...we just ended kissing and since then we're together. I have to say that it's not going as my others relationships used to be. What I mean is that I really feel we're a couple, like we're sharing things, which we do and I really care for her. I mean...I don't feel like looking at other girls or anything. And it's not cause she's touring with us...this is not here. Just...I liked her a lot and I really don't want to end it soon. I really don't. More time I spend with her, better I feel.

Too Much Alcohol
I really shouldn't drink that much cause I never remember what happened when I wake up. And it's the case now. All I know is that Jen and I slept together. Yes. Jen as Jennifer, Britney's best friend. My sister's best friend. We were both out of space and just did it. I liked it. I needed it. Long time that I haven't laid someone. Could have been better but hey...better than nothing. And tour is starting today. My head doesn't hurt that much. I'll be able to act normal today as long as Miles isn't on my back the whole time.
I have my luggage to do now.

Fuck*** B****
I can't believe it!!!! First they tell me to go to a meeting just to give me the schedules when they could have sent it to me!!!! Asses!!! I lost my time there! I have better to do than to sit and get bored!!
Fucking people!! Fucking Bitch!! That Miles girl!! She's our tour director or whatever!!! Man!! I hate her! Always on my back treating me like I'm a stupid!!
I hate her!!

Back on tour
Got a meeting later on today and I really don't feel like going. Meetings are boring. Always listening the same rules, the same people...I hope we'll get new faces...new girls faces. Yeah, I've seen a bunch during this break and they were fun. But too...protective. Always on my back. "Nick here! Nick there! Nick I miss you! Nick I love you!" Annoying lil' girls.
Oh well...at least I get to have fun.
Mmm...checking at my watch and I should go now if not I'm gonna get my ass kicked as always. But I'm keeping my blonde and hormonal reputation.