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Crap..
Nick is seriously scaring the hell out of me. Today at a costume shop he broke the door as he left.
I've been trying to get him out of his shell and make him see that the only way this tour is going to be more tolerable is if he makes it more tolerable. He mopes around all day saying everyones against him, when the truth is if he just tried to be nice they'd be nice back. No one hates him, they just hate his attitude and quick temper.
I tried to get him to go to the party, I thought it'd be good.. now I'm just scared of seeing him again.
I know I keep saying I'm going to try to stop cutting on myself but I can't help it. As soon as I got back to the hotel, I had the razor in hand.. it's my own way of releasing pain I guess... I can't keep doing this. This is supposed to be a fun relationship.
I'm going to see other people, I mean.. that's what we agreed right? If he can go see his strippers every damn day, why can't I do my own thing? I just.. I don't know..



Heh..Heh..
Woops, I lost my other diary.. but that's ok! there was nothing but rubbish in it! I don't even know why I'm still writing in one of these anyways.
So where do I begin? Nick and I are great I guess, but I feel like somethings missing. I don't know how to explain it. I'm good at hiding it I guess..
Well the other night in LA, Brian confronted me.. Yeah well things didn't go well.. I ended up going for a walk when I left the club and ended up lost in some ghetto that the taxis even were queasy about going to. Anyways, I did happen to get back.. and spent the rest of the time in my bus on an LSD trip, cutting my wrists. Not too fun if you ask me..
So now we're in Las Vegas, it's Calista's birthday. I know I won't get Nick to go to the party that has been planned for her.. but I really want him to go. I mean Calista is my friend, and I'm trying to fix things and bond with everyone on tour. I'd really feel a lot more comfortable with Nick there. At least I know I'd have one person there I can depend on if things turn sour. And if he isn't there.. then that leaves me open for another arguement with Brian.
Speaking of which.. might as well find Nick, haven't talked to him lately. I understand him completely, but I just want him to try for once.. but I guess that's a lost cause. Anyhow, Costumes....costumes... I think I'll give Britney a call and see if she has any ideas. I know Julie won't be going so I won't call. I hope she's doing good though. Least this time I don't think anyone will be getting married in Las Vegas haha.. Well, I'll write more later.