I really don't know what to do or think. Okay let's just say that I told Calista about Miles and I and she laughed saying she wasn't surprised. Bitch. Can't believe I dated a girl like that. But everyone makes mistakes I guess. Yeah...so anyways...oh! Guess who I met. Sky! Skylar. Geez! I haven't seen the girls for year and there she was in the same hotel. She's engaged to Mike from Linkin Park. I was surprised but happy for her. She deserved it. Yeah so she came with me to my room. Okay first I have to point this out, standing in the rain makes you wet so I had to change and I purposed Sky to come with me so we could chat. I didn't do it cause I wanted to do her! Well...okay at the end we slept together but...I felt bad. Not really but...just to see her cry. She was freaking out Mike would know. Just told her not to tell him and that it'll be okay. She finally calmed down. Yeah. I wish we passed more time together. It's just...I don't know. It's good to know that...I don't know how to say this. It's just that Sky knows me...well how I was. You know it's just. I don't know. But it's impossible for her and I to do try it again. She's gonna get married. Yeah...I told Kev I saw her. He's an ass. Seriously the guy has something wrong in his mind. Geez. He was all touchy with Cali at the arena. I don't care if he wanna fuck her fine...But I thought he had better tastes in girl. Doesn't surprise me much thought. He's dating a psycho.
Oh...well. There is...Miles. How can I say that? I care for the woman...bunches as Aaron says. yeah...I really do but...she loves Brian, and I know that her and I will be just friends. But geez! Why does she have to stay with that bastard?! He's not worth it. She should be with me. Or maybe not. I don't know. I wanna be with her, but I still wanna have fun around, and I wanna have what Sky and I used to have.
I don't know.
I don't know.
This is even worse than Soap
I really am a bastard. I swear to God that all that happened I didn't plan it. I really understand now why some people just hate me. Well...I kinda slept with someone else than my girlfriend. And this person is my best friend's girlfriend. Okay to make it clear I slept with Miles. But...But...we were both really not in a normal state will say. I just...I can't believe I did it. I cheated again on Calista man! But...with someone I hate. I mean. We hate each other. Well before. I mean...She's fun in fact. Before doing it we were at the club together, danced then went to the movie. I mean...I even told her about Ted. And no one knew. I mean...I always liked her style and attitude. I mean...the woman is fine! I am so jealous of Brian. I know I have Cali but it's not the same. Sometimes I just feel like we're strangers and now all I want it to be with Miles again. I want to be close to her again. We I don't know. I don't know. But she's with Brian and I'm with Cali. And I want to make things work with her. I just have to forget all this thing. Like it never happened. Yeah. It never happened.
They are so wrong
Seems like...well everyone thinks that Nick Carter is the stupidest boy on Earth and this is so false. Alright I'm not one of the smartest guys but I'm not just an idiot I mean...geez! Alright...I don't even know what to say or why I just said so. Gosh! I still can't believe I burned our bus. Yeah...I did and Miles told me to tell everyone that she did. Why? Because she knows I'll never hear the end of this and that I have enough people on my back right now. Nice isn't it? Yeah...but weird. I mean...she hates me and I hate her. Sometimes they are just things that I don't get at all. And this is probably one of them. I really can't wait for this end of tour. I mean...this is the worse I've ever had. We have a stalker and I swear that when we find who it is...if we ever find out who it is...i'm gonna kill him or her. Whoever it is. It freaks me out I mean...doesn't that person has better to do than scare us? Geez! It's not fun really. Get a life! This just sucks. I wanna leave. Everything. Go to a desert island by myself. My two supposed best friends ignore me totally. Brian thinks I'm a moron like most of people on this tour and Tony...well...don't have a clue what's going on with him. I haven't seen him for...weeks. Which is weird because we're stuck on the same tour. Same for my little sister. Called the parents and told me that she left some days ago for god knows what. Okay...Hello?! I mean...i'm not the center of the world I know that but...would they...how can I say...would it be hurtful just to...be friends like they claim to be? Seems like the only person who only cares about me it's Cali and even sometimes I have the feeling that the only thing she wants is to be away from me. What did I do? What am I supposed to do? Shut up and say yes to whatever they tell me? Well sorry people but I have a mind and I use it. Yes I do. Surprising I know. I'm just like everyone. They really need to clear their minds cause if they don't...I'm out of here...for real.
What a surprise! When I looked into my bag I found in my socks some weed!! Woooooooowoooooo!!! But...what the hell was that doing in MY SOCKS??? Can someone answer me?? No of course cause besides me, my bag and my socks no one knows I got...that. Yeah...Mmmm...so I decided to take a joint. I mean...make!! MAKE!! Mmm...I can write. Seems like the pen is getting of my hands by itself. ANyway...I smoked and damned!! Missed that!! I swear!!Feels good to relax, by myself. Mmmm...I guess I better go and see the others. Been gone the whole day. They must be freaking out. Yeah...Nicky is gone. oh my gosh!
I fucked up
Whenever things go well...I have to screw up. Well not totally my fault. But still. Jen and I slept together at Miles party well that was I mean, we knew nothing was gonna come from here. And...Calista and I...perfect I mean...I care for her, we're close, we love to hang together, we have fun...and we made love. Yeah...I guess we can say so because...we both have feelings for each other. So, everything perfect.
Until...jen called me and told me she is pregnant. Yeah. Me Nick i'm going to be a father. Can't believe it. And...right after she told me so...we slept together. And I just couldn't stay with Cali knowing what I did. So we broke up but we're still friends. I need to be with her, I need her as a friend. Yeah..well now I have to organize things with Jen. Man! I hate this! Nex time...okay...I won't do it. Whenever I get drunk I don't think. Okay I end this here.
I completely forgot that I had a diary. I just found it in my bunk, under the pillow and cover yeah, my bunk is a mess. I just found a pen and a CD that I've lost right at the beginning. I should get more order in here. If not Kevin will get on my back as he always do but hey, Kevin not yelling at his little brother Nick cause of the mess isn't a tour. I'll just nod, say yes, order and put the mess again! Anyway, a lot of time passed and I'm not saying that a lot of things happened, or nothing happened but whatever. Calista and I are together. The day right after the party I apologized to her and I really meant it. I was drunk and didn't remember what I told her but everyone on my back reminded me that it must have been bad. SO anyway...I apologized, and yeah...we just ended kissing and since then we're together. I have to say that it's not going as my others relationships used to be. What I mean is that I really feel we're a couple, like we're sharing things, which we do and I really care for her. I mean...I don't feel like looking at other girls or anything. And it's not cause she's touring with us...this is not here. Just...I liked her a lot and I really don't want to end it soon. I really don't. More time I spend with her, better I feel.
Too Much Alcohol
I really shouldn't drink that much cause I never remember what happened when I wake up. And it's the case now. All I know is that Jen and I slept together. Yes. Jen as Jennifer, Britney's best friend. My sister's best friend. We were both out of space and just did it. I liked it. I needed it. Long time that I haven't laid someone. Could have been better but hey...better than nothing. And tour is starting today. My head doesn't hurt that much. I'll be able to act normal today as long as Miles isn't on my back the whole time.
I have my luggage to do now.
I can't believe it!!!! First they tell me to go to a meeting just to give me the schedules when they could have sent it to me!!!! Asses!!! I lost my time there! I have better to do than to sit and get bored!!
Fucking people!! Fucking Bitch!! That Miles girl!! She's our tour director or whatever!!! Man!! I hate her! Always on my back treating me like I'm a stupid!!
I hate her!!
Back on tour
Got a meeting later on today and I really don't feel like going. Meetings are boring. Always listening the same rules, the same people...I hope we'll get new faces...new girls faces. Yeah, I've seen a bunch during this break and they were fun. But too...protective. Always on my back. "Nick here! Nick there! Nick I miss you! Nick I love you!" Annoying lil' girls.
Oh well...at least I get to have fun.
Mmm...checking at my watch and I should go now if not I'm gonna get my ass kicked as always. But I'm keeping my blonde and hormonal reputation.