Poetry

Lunacy

Lost within the sands of time,
adrift upon the currents of life,
I drift aimlessly in a lost sense of self.
All purpose, all meaning, all sense,
is gone, leaving me cast out and alone
and caught within the void of my own insanity.
Trapped within a maze of conflicting thoughts
do I float along my unmarked path.
I strike out, searching, grasping, reaching,
needing for something onto which I can gain purchase.
Yet it is all for naught.
And slowly, ineoxorably, do I drift onward and forward
to whatever fate lies ahead upon the unseen road of destiny,
and through my own trials do I trek,
hoping and wanting something to call my own.
Something to which I can anchor down and rest.
To gain relief from this constant and unending swirl,
this downward spiral,
into madness.

I feel its throb, it's pulse, through my own veins
as it leaves its tainting sting along the fiber of my self
and roars with determined purpose.
I know its name, its thoughts, its goal.
It is there to feed and to give,
in something of a symbiotic relationship,
to add to that which I already have.
It takes on its own form, now, within, and speaks to me.
The alluring whispers of it sing through my head,
ever urging me along a singular path.
The demon is uncaged and runs rampant through me.
My mind, my sanity, is annihilated in its wake,
and I am left a shattered and battered remnant of what I once was.
The hunger for the violence,
the need to cause pain unto one,
calls and beckons for me to come and cast off that which holds me back.
The voice haunts me constantly,
echoing within the cavernous halls of my broken mind,
with relentless drive and unwavering force.
Until, at the call of another, it stops,
and its spectral calls go silent.
The demon remains uncaged, yet now it stands by my side.
It will stay, quiet, until needed, it tells me.
It will stay until needed, by my side, forevermore.

The torrent never ceases,
forever it blows and roars against me.
Never am I allowed a moment's peace,
a moment's rest from this hell
that is my own life.
When I strive to rise upward,
somewhere above the pain,
it laughs and effortlessly knocks me down
into the darkness of the abyss.
People wonder why I am like I am,
ever pessimistic and in a state of deprecation.
All I have to tell them,
to explain that which is crystalline clear,
is, expressed in four exquisitely simple words -
If only you knew.

Standing before the flames of my own hell
I came upon a revelation visited many times before.
That, throughout my existance,
I have had constant pain -
Not pain of the flesh, but that of the mind.
Pain transcending that which one can feel physically,
and stabs directly into one's very core, very soul.
I've had a fairly good life,
with most things one could really want.
Yet I crave something more,
something which lies just beyond my reach,
and moves away as I approach it.
I know not what it is,
and, now, it really matters not.
The flames crack on the air,
heating me with their deadly purpose.
Yet still I contemplate.
Still I wonder -
What is it that lies just out of my grasp?
I know.
I know, and I want.
And all I can do is release another silent plea,
desperately hoping for some sort of aid -
something to help,
something to stop the pain.
I weep inside.
The flames laugh.
I am alone.

I strive constantly
to find some truth to the madness;
something simple and linear onto which I can clasp
and possibly climb to that foreign realm,
that place to which I am alien that is called sanity.
The currents hold me fast, though,
in the swirling thoughts of my mind,
and I am unable to gain headway
to that which I reach for,
and am able to do naught but cry for aid
in a silent scream in a ruined mind
trapped within myself
for all time.

The black flames of hatred roared
through my veins
with all its fury and temptations
to cast away reason
and plunge it into the depths of the abyssal voids
within the lunacy.
Violent temptations beckoned
alluring in their calls to bring about its will.
The fires have gone, now,
but the scoring of their passage still remains.
The scarring of the flames still holds its creator's call,
ever calling and ever wanting
to break through my will and pitch it away.
The halls of my mind are tainted and scarred--
leaving me alone to sit and stare
as they continue to tempt
Forever.

A single ray of light shines down through the darkness
dispersing the dark fog of despair
creating, for a moment's time,
a feeling of peace and of contentment
within the forever darkened corridors of my mind.
For the scant short moment, the scars become visible.
The pain of a lifetime ingrained
deeply and irrevocably into my thoughts.
Like some nocturnal animal brought into the sun,
it screeches in pain and beats back the light.
Yet, for but a moment that stretches into eternity,
I feel peace.

The tapestry of the infinite stretches into the undefinable reaches of eternity.
I have but to pull a string to unhinge the door
to release chaos absolute
and grind all existance to a halt.
Reality shall lose all meaning as the darkness and the light
collide in a cacophany of endless insanity.
Lives shall be ruined and rebuilt.
The meaning to countless lives will be irrevocably shattered and miraculously repaired.
The lunatics shall be revered for their reasoning while the sane are ostracized.
Nothing will be in focus and, yet, all shall be made clear.
The strings are as crystal to my eyes, child, and I can see the lives you have unknowingly lived.
With a single pull I can break down the barriers of your mind and bring the true meanings to light.
Do you wish to know the truth?
Do you wish to know that which you cannot?
I hear you deny it, child.
And yet you do not.
That is the beauty of it all, child--
being able to realize that somewhere,
somewhen,
you wish to know with a passion.
And, because of that, I shall grant your wish.
You will see the light, child.
Just remember, child,
that no matter how much it hurts,
you are still experiencing nothing and all.
All with a single pull of a string.

I lie in silence, deep within my darkened corner,
watching the others as they live
and frolic through their lives,
unaware of the turmoil and agony in their midst.
I lie in silence, staring at the pitch-black sky,
and wonder why it must be so--
why life has to deal out such hands as mine own to people like me.
I lie in silence, running circles in my mind to make sense of it all;
all the while watching them laugh and weep and scream in rage
still wondering, ever pondering
Why must it be so?
I lie in silence, watching one in particular.
I watch this boy stare out his window and watch the rain fall softly to the ground
as pain inunduates through him and hurt flares in his eyes.
I wish so desperately to release him of remorse,
but I know that the pain he has is my own,
and I can do naught but watch his hurt.
And all the while,
I lie in silence.

Staring upward at the grey and blue sky above my head,
the leafy green trees proudly displaying their emergence from Winter's blanket,
and the warm touch of sunlight that fills all with the life we are blessed with,
I reflect upon my trials, my tribulations, and my experiences.
Two things so dissimilar in each and every way,
and yet so intertwined,
make themselves preeminent in my life
and constantly vie for the sanity and control of my self.
The love felt for one above all others,
the hate held for another.
Both so far apart, and still they are bound to each other.
I remain locked within the endless contest of my emotions,
wondering how the flames shall affect me when I reach the end of the tunnel,
and why it must be me to bear this burden.

Reflections upon the pool stare blankly back at me
as I wonder what life holds in store.
Around the bend does it lie, waiting for me,
silent as a breath and stalking like death itself.
Is it death?
How am I to know?
The reflections offer me insight, yet without a path.
I am confused as to their directions, and where to go from here.
Life's contours trace invisibly before me,
drawing me ineoxorably forward to what lies ahead.
And all the while,
the reflections ripple their vaprous trails and sing their unheard songs
falling upon one who is both blind and deaf
with his own pain.

The Sea

A swirling, tumultuous sea of agony
rails and roars,
crashing deafeningly in my ears
as its waves toss me about.
Sprays fire high into the air,
the jetting sound they emit as jeering calls.
My very reflection in the furious waters
stares back,
glaring at me to release from the foolish thoughts of hope.
I cannot, and still he glares.
And, damning myself,
I cling to all that I have left--
a single, faltering and slim, ray of light--
still tumbling and crashing
into so many waves of pain.

Freedom's Call

Severed at the limb and cast off from the mold,
so does the free spirit fly.
Apart from the whole
the releasing call fulfilled
I fly,
I soar,
I die.

Birthright Unleashed

Rip the flesh from bone
and the spirit from its moorings
in a blind rage
invoked in hurt and by hurt and fueled by that same hurt
heating, heating, heating
the flames of hate.
The locks have been blown from the doors
and he runs rampant within
in an orgy of blood.
I confront the beast,
he pushes me aside,
and leaps to control.
Birthright unleashed, raging unchecked,
the demon is reborn.

Silent Murmurs

A butterfly's wing, beating gently,
stirs the winds of the soul.
Problems abound and threten to consume,
yet within the protective center do I lie--
safe within my haven.
Let the torrents of life roar their challenges,
and so softly I shall defy them.
When a moment of tranquility grasps a spirit
in its gossamer strands,
that moment is expanded
to an eternity.

Rambling

Who am I?
I know I am here, lost in myself,
but I know not who I am.
What is the meaning?
Is there some truth behind it all
that lingers over the horizon?
The mind lies blank in the wake of its flow,
leaving its pieces groping,
reaching, for some purchase
against the wave of thoughts.
They go by unheard,
unknown, and unheeded.
Is he right?
I stare in the mirror
as he stares back and
unfeelingly spurns me.
The road's path is clear to mine eyes
yet my feet do not work.
I do not respond to my own calls
and my will ignores me.
Broken,
alone,
confused.
Shattered remnants
of who I am.

Full Bass

Throbbing pulse within my head
images of them all dead
cocoa flesh ripped from pearly bone
to cease the unending tone.
Let them taste my rage.
Let them unlock the cage.
The demon's thirst begs for satation
bringing me into deep contemplation.
To release the urge
let the adrenaline surge
Watch the fat bubbling as it burns
on the spit as the corpse turns.
Eyeless sockets staring vacant
and all the while do I chant.
The names of the souls I have damned
for the anger they have crammed
into the small little crevice
which exploded forth into this.
Would they continue if they knew
their fat black carcassases were already in the stew
with the fire needing only to be lit
to torch those piles of shit.
Let them come up
and partake of the cup
of the anger that never dies
and let their corpses buzz with the flies
as their souls are mine
now, till the end of time.

Unconscious Beating

On the horizon do I see it--
a tidal wave of nothing coming,
unabated, to consume me in its tempest
I can do naught to halt its approach
as it draws ever closer to me
I realize the futility of it all.
A slight trickle was all that was required
to cause this fast-approaching fate
boring down upon me
and looming overhead.
I stand resolute,
and solemn,
in light of what I have done to myself.
Deny myself that one light?
Deny the single saving grace of my life?
Yes, that is what I have done.
Though not consciously.
And the others which surround
as a protective shield
against what lies within
and holding back that which lies without
all without their knowing fully
slowly wink out of my vision as it comes
Now only a faint,
wavering remnant of
that once-bright beacon of hope
remains to light my way.
Through the darkness shall I bear
in the hope of regaining that light
At some later time
in my twisted fate.

The Child

Broken wings
are all that remain
of the one who once was.
Sent down from the heavens,
a protector,
a defender,
to guide.
 To provide solace
and rest
from the many travels.
A blessing and a curse
is what has been
laid upon this poor, poor child.
To contend with himself
in such a violent struggle
and still aid those
who are true.
Broken wings,
tattered shroud,
a wandering soul,
he lays his head down
to cry in his solitude.

Twin of My Soul

Where would I be, were it not for you?
Joy and sorrow.
Peace and confusion.
Always there you are.
Life tears down at my soul,
and you are there to help me through.
The wind whispers in my ear.
I turn to about, afraid,
yet you are there,
ever by my side,
with that smile of yours.
Through the darkness,
and the light,
you are always a part
of my destiny.
Let nothing come between
you and I.
Let those who assail against our bond
fall burning to the floor.
You.
My comfort.
My companion.
My friend.

Tempered Steel

The battle wages both within and without--
fiery bolts of energy searing the air
annihilating the very earth with its power
wreaking destruction wherever its touch is present.
Smouldering blue-green eyes,
peeled of all remnants of kindness,
alert to the madness within.
The hatred.
The pain.
The memories that never have been.
He stands there,
unaware of who it is that glares at him.
Oblivious to the outpouring,
to the struggle.
The air rumbles in response to the lightning.
The body quakes as the creature gains a footing.
Half man.
Half demon.
He walks amidst the others,
all the while casting his glare.
Until a shaft of light breaks through the cloudcover,
And pierces the veil of madness.
He banishes the demon, ever so slowly,
and returns to the land of the living
stronger than before.

The Wanderer's Tale

I wander through the myriad of landscapes.
Over the hills and through the valleys
of the surface do I trek to reach those
otherwise inaccesable.

Through the comforting shade
of the forested serenity,
past the babbling brook
murmuring its haunting melody
in tune with the birds all a-chirping.

The blazing desert
with its blowing sands
I lose my way in a twinkling
wandering through the wastes.

The precipice looms before me.
I cannot turn back.
An endless void of nothing
the only way to reach safety.
And so I leap out.
I soar  into the clutches of the abyss.
Tendrils of confusion
bind my soul in a suffocating hold
as I drown in the blackness.

"Fires burning,
"Darkness scoring.
"All-consuming in its touch.
"Reshaping me.
"Reforming me.
"Why must I care so much?"

I fall, yet I fly.
I see, yet I am blind
I hear, yet not a sound makes itself known.
An outward prodding.
A gesture from outside.
Light banishes the darkness
retrieving me from the depths.
Again I trek through the plains.

I glance to the endless blue expanse.
As an angel smiles down from upon high.
Flowing auburn hair and matching brown eyes
exuding peace unto my tired body.
I lay down,
close my eyes,
and let the sweet ecstacy of sleep
cradle me in its arms.