Greetings from the desk of the ever-ranting Bobjester!
Salutations to Lord Irish, Iuz & Tedra! (Side note: Iuz and
Tedra are our names on ICQ)
I just thot I'd let all ye know that mine head is swelling to an immense
proportion, (no, no, no, git yer mind out of the gutter) due to the arrival
of Dragon #276. My contribution to Scale Mail (it used to be D-Mail) is on
page 16. HOWEVER, I want everyone to know that my letter was heavily edited(or
what I would call CENSORSHIP). They snipped out several comments about using
D&D3E to make a heap of moolah, although they left one remark, but it
was rendered inoffensive without the rest of the comment; my opinion about
Mordenkainen's new hairstyle (now he's shaved bald with a goatee, he looks
like Sean Reynolds, if you keep up on WoC personnel, (who I might add, I
have nothing against)) and a couple of other comments I can't quite remember.
I would have loved to send thee all the original draft, but, unfortunately,
it was deleted from my Sent files, along with a lot of other irrelevant stuff.
(Tedra, thou mightest post this rant in the DM's Tavern, with a little creative
editing, no really! You have my permission!)
(Lord Irish, please forgive this foul knave of a Fool for not giving Thee
thy proper greetings in my last correspondance to Thy Magnificence, may His
court accept my humblest grovelling.)
I'm so glad that there is a place to rant without the fear or the disappointment
of censorship ruining a thinking person's innermost expressions of emotions
& thoughts. The Internet!
Thanks everyone for letting me into your e-mailbox for a short spell, until
the meantime, I have to read the rest of this Lizards on the Toast inhouse
rag who stole TSR's birthright & sold it for a box of Krispy Kreme donuts
& a cup of really cheap cappacino.
You know, the kind you get at those convienient store chains, the Cappacino
machine that uses a powdered mix, similar to Nestles' Quik chocolate mix,
but only cheaper, like the Price Saver brand (I have nothing against Price
Saver, yet some of their stuff is quite nasty).
Oh, how I long for those bygone days when the Dragon was in it's glory! Those
were the years when the Editorial staff didn't take themselves so Damned
seriously (did you know that they did away with the silly merriment of the
annual April issues? That is so un-jesterly; I ask ye, what reputable Lord
would be without a court jester?) and just admit that D&D was just a
game, where several people could just sit around a table, swilling soda (or
during one memorable gaming session: Beer!) munching popcorn and just having
one Helluva WAHOOO time mincing monsters and speaking in really outrrrrageous
French accents, you siiilly English Pig-Dogs*, you know!
Oh! I'm sorry, silly Jester, nowadays, since LotT (WoC) bought TSR, they
did away with the fun for everyone, (let's turn it into a massive competition,
within ten years we'll have the D&D version of Monday Night Football,
but We'll get Mike Myers to be our play-by-play commentator!) all the fun
Wahoo games are now set in the light-hearted settings of Call of C'thulhu,
Vampire, Werewolf, and Warhammer Fantasy & 40k! Dark is awright every
now & then, I love to get the Drow scared out of me to punctuate an important
plot twist, or whatever, but Cheeez! I love the game for the Fantasy Medeival
elements. The artwork of 3E is compelling, but some of this (excuse my
keyboard...) looks like $#!+. I hate that 'mage' with the mohawk, glasses
& that clothes line post he thinks is a damn staff! Tell Todd Lockwood
(D&D3E's leading artist) that's a damn crib mobile, not a stinkin' staff!
Whew! What a rant! How about something a little lighter, say... some movies
Has anyone seen X-Men yet? I haven't, but I'd like to hear thy opinions about
it... Then, I am also anxiously awaiting the release of "Dungeons & Dragons",
and the biggest trilogy since the original Star Wars series, the first
installment of "The Lord of the Rings":"The Fellowship of the Ring"! I won't
go into Star Wars, I imagine everyone's getting a little tired of it by now.
If anyone has heard of any other movies of the genre, or just plain ol' good
movies, like one we watched a couple of weeks ago: "The Imposters" with Stanley
Tucci & Oliver Platt, (excellent, by the way) let me hear about 'em.
Well, I've got to get this Dragon rag read. Til' Gamma Terra is ruled by
Punk Elves, and Mordenkainen (in MY campaign!) shaves his head, Fools Rule.
The world needs a hero...He is that hero! They call him...Larry-Boy! and
the Fib from Outer Space!
* I realized that some people may not understand that my comment about "English
pig-dogs" was ENTIRELY derived from "Monty Python & the Holy Grail",
and I meant NO disrespect toward any English person alive or dead, (as I
myself am 80% English, More on lineage later).
-Back to the Tavern-