Chetwin's Views on Patternfall

First, a disclaimer:

Bill. Don’t read this. Just don’t. I consider you to be one of my fathers. I like you. I respect you. You taught me how to make deals. We just make them differently.

Ok. Now that that’s out of the way (Bill, I’m telling you, stop reading now...you’ll regret it) I can get on with what I wanted to say...

My opinions of the Wishy-Washy-Doctrine-of-Harmonious-Ass-Kissing-And-Mutual-Loss-of-Self-that- Is/Was-the-Patternfall-Treaty:

Ok. Let me lay down the basics of the piece of shit that Bill was forced to draft (Bill... I TOLD you...).

  1. It wasn’t really the Chaosites fault. It was ALL Brand’s fault. All of it.
  2. Everybody gives back everybody else’s land and prisoners and shit.
  3. Everybody shakes hands, swears that they will never never ever again so much as raise their voices at one another and that they will try very hard to get Dworkin and Suhuy into couples therapy.
  4. Merlin gets dual status in both camps. This was probably the longest piece of writing in the whole document.
  5. An open-ended demand for Corwin to write Dara an apology note about the whole Borel thing, then read it to the rest of the class... or they’ll both have to take a trip down to the principal’s office.
  6. Recommendations by Amber’s interior decorators about where it would be best to place those fake-o shrines to Benedict.
  7. A full and complete promise not to launch any kind of investigation whatsoever, into any acts of terrorism committed by the agents of Chaos.
  8. Probably some XXXOOXXXOO’s at the bottom of the document, along with an invitation to a formal tea party.

Bull...SHIT! This "treaty" needs to be given a set of juevos, as soon as possible.