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say it loud.
Fri, Jul 8 2005
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: plus one - soul tattoo
Topic: normal
i worked today from 10-230. it was busy for awhile becuase of the rain. but it was ok. i went to good will and bought pants and a sweater. i need some more clothes for work... its silly, we have to dress "fashionable", now i think everyone has a different view of what is fashionable.... but whatever. i like the pants, they make my butt look smaller, which is quite a task.
no plans for the night... which is kind of beat i guess. but what can i do? i think i'll go show the pants to my mom... and then try to get out tonight.

heres a little side note, i'm super nervous. for mark and ashley that is. he went to the pre mediation today and they figure out a temporary custody for ash. i hope it goes/went well...

rocked out by: rock4/messyjessi at 5:55 PM EDT
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Thu, Jul 7 2005
trying it out....
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: festival con dios (mix cd)
Topic: creation

ok, so creation was awesome. it was like a mini vacation. kim and i went alone, or with eachother actually. the two of us set up camp at a decent spot near the stream. we made a tent out of my truck and a giant gray tarp. it was super comfy, dry, and off of the bumpy slopey ground. it was hot, dry, dusty, and quite unbearable at times. but i held out, and ended up having one of the best mental/emotional breaks of my life. other then one 20 minute episode on saturday i had with kim while resting in the shade next to the longhouse. i started crying about mark again. i just don't want it to hurt anymore. i don't want to feel broken and alone. i don't want to feel as if the person i loved and trusted the most just gave up on me... it stunk!! kim brought up a good point though, which reassured me that everything was going to be okay. she said,"maybe God doesn't want you and mark together. and if you thought mark was awesome, just wait til you meet the next guy. think about how awesome he will be. just pray about it."
as much as that was the last thing i wanted to hear, i know she was right. i felt as if i had an instantaneous weight lifted off of my shoulders. Yes, i still hurt. but obviously, the pain will go away. i am not repulsive. i think i am attractive, maybe not beautiful... but i have nice teeth, nice hair... i'm not ugly we'll say. i'm sure there is at least one other man out there that will come my way, and i'll spark his interest... i don't think i need to explain it all... sorry if i am babbling.

well, anyway, creation was a great break from the norms of new jersey. i saw great speakers, bob lenz being my favorite, and also lots and lots of great bands/groups. it was a great time, and a spiritual re-awakening.Link to Photo Album My pictures

rocked out by: rock4/messyjessi at 10:26 PM EDT
Updated: Thu, Jul 7 2005 10:55 PM EDT
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