For one to truly seek God, the conscience will seek every opportunity to condemn, even falsely so.
Then to willfully violate your conscience is foolishness of the highest order.
I do not know what I am; nor am I completely sure of anything. I hope to have obtained the grace of God.
I think some things; I believe some things. In time, for one reason or another, with endless circles of thoughts, perspectives, and theological postulates, almost all comes unraveled. What then shall I believe? Only this. I believe, insist on believing and never letting go of this one thing. God became a man, dwelt among us, and gave his life for us. What this means, I cannot say with all certainty. Though I wish I could, and though so many proclaim to see and know, I do not understand. I do not always know what to do for sure; scarcely do I. In a day so many proclaim to know the will of God for this or that, I am obviously quite blind. I am reduced to these thoughts. It is good to be kind, gentle, merciful, fair, decent, trustworthy, and honorable; it is best to love. Not love as the world calls love, but the kind of love that hurts the selfishness inside of us all. Yet all these things, I will not be at all times to all people. It is impossible; and I can do only so much for so many. And so many will try and heap condemnation on me. But when my heart condemns me may God have mercy, as he has.
I pray then that I shall not be a traitor to such a God. May I try and use the life he has given me well. May I work hard and prosper and find joy and peace. But this first. May I always be ready to hear the call if it comes. Let me never love life so much in this place and in this world that if he shall say “Go and suffer” and cause me to hear, that I say anything but, “Yes Lord, it is my reasonable service.”
If, in the end, having taken this approach at life, and having given my best, if I find I had it wrong and missed his grace, then so be it. I can do no more than this.